Greece is the Word

Dahlings, I am back from the beach and keen to share with you my latest deranged ramblings my recipe for a successful holiday.

First, it's worth travelling a little bit out of London to ensure better weather,

 Somewhere with blue skies and sand is good.

But you have to take sun protection seriously.  Take enough to sink a small battleship, to be on the safe side.  You can always hide behind it if you don't want to be photo'd in your swimcossie.

A hat is important, and also serves to underline the fact that you are a mad old trout.

There is no point these days in loading yourself down with piles of books.  Go hi-tech and get yourself a Kindle.

 Be sure just to eat salad, veg and fruit, to avoid tummy bloat and swimsuit over-stretch...

Keep your exercise regime going.

And avoid puddings with dubious names. (And next time try not to fall about laughing in v childish way...)

Get to know the area by taking a stroll.

Keep your brain ticking over by being ritually humiliated at chess by an 8 year old.

Failure to follow hotel rules could be painful.

Try not to cry upon reentry into Real Life (and English Weather).

This was a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Elf and Safety Directorate of Blighty Inc.