Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
cannot guarantee nut-free

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Donner und Blitzen and Expert Dog Training

Hello Dahlings!
Sunday afternoon here so have sneaked off to update you all on life at Blighty HQ.

We have had a mini heatwave here and then tremendous thunderstorms and lightning - Donner und Blitzen.  No, not the reindeer Mr B.  Ha ha, Mr B, ha ha.

So my cheapo Primark dress appeared on its annual, one day outing.

I may have mentioned I contracted serious Scarf Fever but this hot weather makes wearing a scarf impossible.  Finally I understand the lamenting of the ladies on the Purse Forum about this, yes Mr B there is such a thing as a Purse Forum and yes Mr B, First World Problem par excellence.

I can't even wear this scarf which would really be appropriate.

I confess I saw Faux Fuchsia looking divine in it on her blog so when I saw it in a different colourway on Evil Bay I snapped it up.  

I had to buy it, it has not only zebras but also giraffes on it.

Here's Faux Fuchsia modelling her scarf, see it's all her fault!  Dear FF, sorry to be a copy parrot, hope this is not too Single White Female!! Please don't tell Mrs Danvers.

Meanwhile both boys are now on hols, Boy 1 had to endure 2 more weeks at his school, while Boy 2 already on hols lived the dream of the Single Child.  He set himself a personal challenge to eat a ham and cheese toastie at Costa Coffee every day for a week.  Here he is on day 4 going for broke with 2 of them.  After this I am afraid I called time on this ruinously expensive carry on and suggested he did the summer reading challenge instead like all the other kids.

I know it's only early on in the summer hols but I am quite tempted to try trading one or both of the boys in,  in return for this brand new tiptop executive home on sale in our road.  

But don't worry, I am keeping the Monty Dog.  We are in advanced preparation for our debut in the Commonwealth Games, high jump.  Next thing you know, I will have made a top dog training video, Training for Success.  Cesar Milan, eat your heart out!

Better go, we are now experiencing a slight domestic hiccup: Mr B has run over the dog stake out line (complete with corkscrew stake thingie) with the mower - all of the line/corkscrew metal thing is now wrapped around the blades, it is probs curtains for the mower.  And for the line.

  Mr B tentatively suggested, to look on the bright side, that it was a good job the dog was not attached to it at the time.  I may have said something like "You and that bl**dy mower."  As you do.

Sunday, 13 July 2014

Monty Dog and the Prize Paw Draw

How the heck did I get up here?

Dahlings, sorry I had a bit of a hiatus there (but don't worry, I can get it seen to on the National Health).

Grandma Whacker has been to stay.
Everyone is impressed when I tell them she drives herself from the Cotswolds to our house (resolutely all the way in the middle lane of the motorway I suspect).  They say things like, " Wow, that's brilliant, at her age," and "Let me know when she is travelling so I can take a different route."  All joking aside, she really is an excellent driver.

Unlike her daughter - today Mr B was washing the car and took me on a trip down memory lane: "This is where you scraped against the scaffolding lorry" and "This is where you hit the skip. "  To be honest I could not remember half of the alleged bumps, but hey, good times, people, good times...   I had a lot to contend with back in our London days, what with the constant problem of finding a parking space, two wriggly toddlers yodelling in the back, in particular Boy 2 (aged 4) who liked to sing along to Johnny Cash "Ring of Fire"...with just a slight time delay so you thought you had a evil pixie echo..
Boy 2

Johnny Cash during his hell raisin' Ring of Fire days before he was tamed by the love of a good woman
taken home for a bath and bed

Some of us made slight adjustments to our routine during Grandma Whacker's visit:

Here's Boy 1.

Here's Mr B.  

I think he should market these to all men whose MILs come to stay.  

Now on to business - I finally did the prize paw draw for the book - the brilliant thriller wot my friend wrote.

  It got a great review the other day in the Daily Mail no less, so don't miss it! review here

You will be pleased to hear that the draw was carried out under the strictest conditions.

Protective goggles were worn (almost).

Names were written down on pieces of paper. .

 They were then placed into the hi-tech Dogatron (patent pending, the US government is interested in this technology for the next Presidential election).

 Then our top scrutineer carefully selected, on a totally anonymous basis, one of the pieces of paper.


After a quick lunge and grab operation, we were able to get the paper out of the scrutineer's mouth and the slighty soggy winner is:



Dear LPC, congratulations my dear and I shall be in touch! To everyone else, thank you for taking part and sorry you didn't win (but at least you are not covered in dog saliva..)

Right better go, it's Sunday evening here and while Boy 2 has of course broken up from school for a week already ("Daphnes4Boy, A Few Weeks At School, Long Summers by the Pool", registered trade mark) Boy 1 still has one more week to go ("Greggs Grammar, Keeping them off the streets since 1635").