Mrs Blighty Turns Over A New Leaf

Enough of this obsession with animal print fripperies.  I am a mature woman of today, I will stop yearning after silly frocks in dodgy prints. Instead I will engage in spiritually enriching activities like learning to mix up killer cocktails playing the harpsichord and pickling  -er - squirrels  pickles and reading Tolstoy in the original Russian ( note to self: take evening class in Russian for Beginners).  I will devote myself to Mr Blighty and Boys 1 and 2.  Where are they actually?  Oh I forgot, they are in the office/at school.  Well, anyway, I will make sure they always come home to piping hot underpants and a freshly laundered Chicken Kiev.

Ooh.  Look at this,  this is nice....

From Next

A couple of thoughts -
I am terrified of snaks, so would this dress give me the heebie jeebies?  Would it squeeze me tight and then swallow me whole?
Why am I looking at patterend dresses when my current uniform seems to be navy blue jumper/cardigan/trousers? yes, I have turned into Sensible Navy Blue Mummy.

LA Woman

Hello,  my name is Mrs Blighty and I am addicted to all things leopardy, and that is why I have come to Leopards Anonymous.

The shops continue to act as enablers: everywhere I look there is leopardy goodness to be had.

I bought these little leopardy numbers as I JUST HAD TO. (Note to Mr B, Head of Austerity Measures, Blighty HQ - they were from New Look and therefore Cheap as Chips, so would have been a Crime not to buy them).

And I NEEEEEEED this cardi from Pure.  Need. It. Badly.

(Note: I think the other hand in the above photo is that of the chap the model is with; at least I really hope it is...)

And look at this dress from old Toppers (TopShop).

Right.  I WILL be STRONG.  I am off for a lie down and a look at the school fees invoice.
That'll calm me down.

Mmmmm, could really do with some leopard print silk lounging pyjamas. RRRRRRRR!

Medallion (Wo)Man

Necklace from TopShop

Dahlings, how are you?  Here I am modelling my new lionhead medallion, so very 1980s Versace. Grandma Whacker, who is a Leo, is after it.  But I really think you have to be a deranged marsupial to carry off this look.

This post has been brought to you through considerable adversity. In the middle of a vital step in the artistic process (eating crisps while prodding at the computer keys), the phone rang;
"Hello" says I.
"Hello" says a male voice.
"Hello" says I again (I am good at this kind of sparkling repartee).
"I'm phoning about your steam rally" says the voice.
"Er, I think you must have the wrong number, I don't think I am having a steam rally...in fact I'm not."
(At this point I have the almost overwhelming urge to go "WooWoo" and make puffing noises but manage not to).
The caller seemed very unconvinced, as though he thought I was holding out on him and really did have some sidings and a nice steam engine hidden away in the garden, but reluctantly he agreed to go away..

During this telephonic interlude Boy 1 has been poking at the computer and has lost all the uploaded photos.

Boy 1 is now in a Witness Protection Programme ....

MD Formulations - when I used to go for facials at Harrods during an ealier, pre-children skincare phase, they were very keen on this brand..it's got some sort of alpha-hydroxy whatnots in it that resurface and fill potholes

In other news I am having a Skincare Moment.  They happen occasionally.  So I have purchased this attractively named Adult Anti-Blemish Kit.  It could be worse, they could have called it "Spots and Wrinkles Aren't You The Lucky One?"  What a loss I am to the marketing profession!

There are a lot of lotions and potions to apply and lots of steps and instructions.  And numbering and cross-referencing. I am starting to wonder if I clicked on the wrong item and popped the Build Your Own Large Hadron Collider into my internet shopping basket by mistake.


Oh well.  At least I can tell Mr B hand on heart that there is no way I can rejoin the world of work as I am busy full-time with my skincare regime...

Now, just look at this Leopardy Goodness! Yum!  When I took my decluttering into the local charity shop these winked at me - they are from TopShop and for only £8 it would be a crime not to.

I do seem to be getting more and more leopardy; if I buy a leopardy sofa and rig myself up in all my leopardy items, I would be completely camouflaged...and could read novels undetected by others at Blighty HQ..

I always take great comfort in Faux Fuchsia's maxim: leopard print is a neutral

This last photo is Shocking.  Faux Fuchsia and her followers may wish to prepare themselves emotionally (copyright FF 2010/11).  My Parlux has just spluttered into non-existence.  It is an ex- Parlux etc etc.  Here it lies in the garage, waiting to go to the Big Hair Salon in the Sky.  I have a bad track record with hairdryers.  Perhaps using them to blowtorch the creme brulees was a mistake.

Must go now dahlings.  I have some shunting to do.

Shoptastic

Unlike Daphne, my hair is naturally this colour..
Wearing my new spotted silk scarf from Phase 8 and leopard print belt from Zara

Dahlings, I really feel I have been neglecting my role as deranged marsupial style icon to the masses.  One cannot just leave it to Daphne Guinness.  But recently I have been sooo occupied with riot control, kettling and star charts that I have scarcely had time for matters sartorial.  Do forgive me.

Things have not been going that well on the clothes front. Remember the terrible skirt I bought on-line (now safely returned to the Big Warehouse in the Sky)? Well I have experienced another Nasty On-line Buy - ("Nob") - yes, I have had to invent a whole new word to cover this recurring nightmare. I present my latest Nob.

Dress X- Small from Gap, shurely shome mistake, which explains why I am doing the Monty Python Mr Gumby stance.
Nobs - will the nightmare never end?

 Last week I went for a little light shopping with two Mummy friends. We hit up the local Happy Valley Shopping Centre.

Of course, union rules provide that no mother of male children can pursue retail activities without buying some sort of sporting equipment for said male child.   So we found ourselves in the Sports Shop discussing the merits of size 4 bats versus size 3, octopus grips, knocking in (isn't this what got us into the union in the first place?) and oiling your bat.

Look at these prices - but these are for adult cricketers who take it Very Seriously

  

I wondered whether I should get one of these hats - who knew Philip Treacy sold off the peg numbers like these? 

 

Things hotted up when we went into House of Fraser.  Look at these shoes!  When did shoes get so high? And so fetishistic?

These and the shoes below are Kurt Geiger

The leopard and red ones are very understated I feel, for Minnie Mouse

Look close - these are bugtastic

The result of a plot between orthopaedic surgeons, insurance companies and personal injury lawyers?

The girlfriends and I had a laugh trying on lots of clothes and coming out of the changing rooms in fits of giggles - it was like being a teenager again...  I did not buy anything except for the spotty silk scarf I am modelling in the first pic in this post.

But you can't keep a shoptart down - this week I popped up to London and had a toddle round Oxford Street, ending up in Selfridges.  I spotted this chap by the Creme de la Mer counter, probably about to spend the fee from his latest movie on a pot of skin serum.

Mr Clive Owen

He looked at me with ill-concealed lust  failed to register my existence and so I had a good peruse of the OPI stand and bought this orange polish from their Summer 2011 Texas range.

  

On the right is the OPI polish, on the left  a polish from Accessorize in Starlet, cheap as chips but my goodness, it stays on like a dream

When I had finished annoying the OPI ladies by putting the polishes back in the wrong place (nail polish, bringing people together) and walked back past the Creme de la Mer counter Mr O was still there - bless, either he was lurking, hoping to talk to me or there was some terrible shortage of premium unguents for Hollywood A listers.. He was very tall, tanned and striking, in a dark suit.  But I just know he wouldn't have Mr Blighty's drafting skills...

I faced the ever hectic MAC counter at Selfridges and bought a lipstick called Vegas Vamp.

I hear that lipstick sales are up, an indicator of economic downturn; hear that Mr B? I am not spendthrift, I am an important economic indicator...

I like MAC - they don't take themselves too seriously.  I picked this lipgloss up a while ago - it's got a pic of Cruella de Ville on it, a true style icon indeed, though not dog friendly..

A few other things winked at me and asked me to take them home:

  

Orange belt from Zara

Dress from H&M - I took Piglet and his knitted vest from Winnie the Pooh as my style inspiration

  

Silk dress from Zara

 In fact it was only Mr Owen who did not to wink and beg to come home with me.

Just as well.

He would have hated my moisturiser.

Getting back in Touch

Who knew Blighty was a National Humorous Weekly for only  6 pence?

Dahlings, so sorry to have neglected you for so long but life has been busy and filled with glamour.

Like this.

Mr B: the hairdresser won't do Boy 1's hair - he has Nits!
Mrs B: at least Boy 2 hasn't got them.  Oh, yikes!

And this.

1.30am: Mummmmmeeeeee. I feel icky-sicky
Mrs B: just don't throw up on the new carpet, there's a dear

Then Lovely B came to stay (cousin to Mr Blighty, partner in retail crime to Mrs Blighty) and Things Went Rapidly Downhill.  We shopped for England.  Our timetable went something like this:
Day 1: trip to picturesque Old Amersham, coffee and shopping ( more about this later)
Day 2: trip to Bicester Village (retail outlet and my spiritual home), coffee, shopping, lunch, more shopping
Day 3: trip to Eden Shopping Centre, High Wycombe, shopping, coffee, lunch, shopping
Day 4: no shopping,  dvd of "Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest" (brilliantly summarised by Faux Fuchsia as "I have a big tattoo, I have been abused, I want revenge").
Day 5: no shopping whatsoever
Day 6: Lovely B departs and credit cards cool down


So obviously I have had No Time for blogging.

On Day1 Lovely B and I popped into a brilliant shop in Old Amersham called Touch*, which belongs to Annette,  a very pretty and stylish mother of one of Boy 1's schoolmates.  Lovely B and I had the best time chatting to Annette and perusing grabbing and poking at all the fab stuff in the shop:  new and vintage clothes, jewellery, shoes, gifts...the pictures will give you an idea of the retail temptations that are available:

* did you see how I worked that into the title of this post? good eh?
Note from Mr B: no, not good, really a bit painful to be honest

70s glam rock type dress next to Mick

Should I buy this hat for The Wedding even if just watching it on TV?

70s peasant number (yes B, I am talking about the dress)

Vintage Cerruti

I loved this

Serious shoe lust for these

I pounced on unsuspecting customer and made her model the hat, sorry Annette if I have so traumatised this nice lady that she never comes back again....

My precious!

I came away from Touch with this silky tunic, the material is lovely and the details are nice, like the turned back cuffs and the brown leopardlike trim; Lovely B has advised leggings to go with.

 

Top  - pic taken from Touch website

 

So if you live near, go visit Touch.  Old Amersham is a great place for some light shopping, coffee and lunch!  But give those Blighty Boys a wide berth.  At least until they stop scratching.

http://www.touchlounge.co.uk/index.html

No rewards or inducements or stuff were given to me for writing about Touch but I am hoping that if Annette's son gets nits too, she will think twice before running me over in the school carpark

The Planned Post Is Now Toast

Dahlings, I had such a lovely post planned for today.  It was going to be so elegant, so stylish, so sophisticated, so so so...er...

It was going to involve a delicious discussion of eye shadow.  Should I embrace the new eye shadow shape or will I just look like a demented panda let loose on a paintbox?

Very mauve eye shadow look from Harpers

Gwyneth on cover of March's Harpers with
lots of blue eye shadow

Also from Harpers, some complicated stuff with eyeliner  going on here

I was also going to touch on scarves and discuss the fun I have been having trying to learn to tie them a la MaiTai.  MaiTai is the Goddess of Scarves, actually she is quite simply a Goddess, and she has these great how to videos on her blog. http://www.maitaispicturebook.com/  I have decided that remembering to arrange your scarf into the basic bias fold is Key.  It makes all scarves look better, even non-Hermes ones (sigh - note to Mr B: I have been terribly good recently in all sorts of saintly ways I can't quite recall at the moment, surely a Hermes scarflet would be deserved??  NO  - I DON'T CARE WE JUST HAD THE RADIATOR HOUSING THERMOSTAT MCWHATSIT ON THE CAR FIXED FOR THE PRICE OF A HERMES SCARF, IT'S NOT THE SAME..) 

I was going to show you recent scarf purchases. (Note to Mr B: sourced at my spiritual home, Bicester Retail Village and thus heavily discounted (FF 2011) and so begging to be bought, crime not to etc etc)

Fendi scarf from Bicester Village

Dior scarf also from Bicester Village

Lots to look at on scarf

Even a bit of leopard print

I was also planning on a little light discussion of brooches, with which I have become ever so slightly obsessed, ever since I first clapped eyes on Faux Fuchsia's bee and Chanel numbers.  And then a new blogger I have discovered, Mrs Exeter, posted a picture of her recently acquired Chanel brooch. http://dressingmrsexeter.blogspot.com/

I have sourced a few brooches but must admit to having technical difficulties re secure attachment and so things drop off me now and again, at my age I am just thankful it's only a brooch and not teeth or  support garments.

Bee brooch from Butler and Wilson, £28

BUT NO, ALAS, the whole elegant swellegant post has been DERAILED.
Instead of glamour, I bring you:

MRS BLIGHTY JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON A LOAF OF BREAD

 It's all the fault of the bl**dy bread.

I bought Kingsmill Secretly Seeded, seduced by its stealth health claims and the jolly little arrow proclaiming "no bits".

Ha! No way was Boy 1 falling for this: there was much muttering along  the lines of " most disgusting  ....killing me....poison.....toxic....bits...revolting"

This morning for breakfast he requested cheese on toast, which I lovingly made.  Since I had an entire loaf to get rid of, I gambled on him not noticing the Health Bread under 1kg of melted cheese. Big mistake:  howls of anguish from Boy 1. All this with minus 5 minutes to school run.

Suddenly I found myself picking up the whole loaf in its plastic bag and throwing it at him, while ranting about spoilt children; Boy1 deftly parried the incoming loaf missile and burst into tears.  I then grabbed the bread and proceeded to jump up and down on it, at the same time shouting incoherently about starving children in Africa, aware even as I did so this was not very logical behaviour.

Reenactment

Boy 2 then burst into tears.

 Suddenly I was overcome with Maternal Guilt.  I had reduced both boys to tears, even innocent bystander Boy 2,who was no doubt traumatised by sight of mother losing the plot; I had damaged his delicate little psyche. Forever. He would never recover. He was Scarred for Life.

"Sorry darlings, sorry, Mummy is soooooo sorry" I grovelled as I cuddled Boy 2.

Boy 2 sobbed a bit more and then explained that he was NOT crying  because of his mother's nutsy behaviour.  Oh no, our sensitive little soul was wailing for another reason altogether: the biscuit accompaniment to his Muller Crunch Corner was soggy and thus not providing him with the comestible enjoyment to which he has become accustomed..in other words if his brother was going to throw a hissy fit about the breakfast offering, he was sure as hell not going to be left out..

Balls indeed

If you need me, I'll be in the bread aisle of our local supermarket, testing the texture of the bread.  With my feet.