Blogger's Headache

Dahlings, again long time no blog! Unforgivable!
So how are you all?  Really?  Dropped off completely? Frightful.
Right, back to me.

A little while ago  Sister Wolf,  whose blog sometimes shocks and unsettles but is never ever boring, as she is ferociously clever and possessed of  a mordant wit, asked which two words her readers hated most. Sister Wolf  listed "fiscal cliff" and commenters came up with equally excellent ones such as  "now trending" and "gangnam style".  At the time I could only think of "ironing board" which I felt was not quite up to scratch.

But now I feel able to contribute:

DRUM KIT

 Yes, Boy 2 has taken up the drums.
Quelle joie!
Ooh, another two annoying words - I'm on fire!

Under The Weather

Dahlings - anyone? Is here anyone out there?  Jiggle your mice* around if you are!

I have been Under The Weather:  not ill, but tired and lethargic due to all the rain and gloom.  Mr Blighty says that is nonsense but I argued back (masterfully I thought) that "under the weather" must mean precisely that, otherwise why say it?

I have also been involved in a period of intense boy activity  - the usual stuff - tennis, cricket, school exam angst,  jean styling issues - whether to go drainpipe or stay with relaxed fit - and general failure on the part of both Boy 1 and Boy 2 to come to terms with the fact they are not an only child....)

And this morning at 5.30am I dropped Boy 1 off at the school for his epic coach trip to Cornwall for the week.  I think he will enjoy it - he has prepared mentally by watching all the Bourne Identity films so will be able to think on his feet and evade any CIA operatives that might want to "give the asset the green light.." (no, I don't know what that means either).

As a mother I felt rather bereft once the coach left... my friend's son is also on this trip - as soon as she got home, her daughter, with the impeccable timing of a 7 year old, put on the CD of the Titanic music... and explained it was to "calm people who were about to die."  Bless.




Meanwhile, I am seriously thinking I should rename this blog "Duck News" - or maybe "What The Duck!"   During a weekend garden inspection  - I was showing Mr B my droopy peonies - I discovered....
yes, a duck nesting again in the undergrowth. 

Mr B: Is it the same duck?
Mrs B: How the heck am I supposed to know that?
Mr B: Well, you seemed to get on really well together
Mrs B: ??****??%$*?


Has the caddish drake installed a new female in the love nest?  Has word gone out in the duck world that Blighty HQ is the maternity hospital de choix - like the Portland for ducks?

Tune in next time for further Duck News!


Finally you remember my confusion about that pop singer chappy Goatie?  (several  of you kindly explained it is actually Gotye, pronouned Gautier...)

Well Boys 1 and 2 found what I think is a really funny take off of That Song...
(not at all suitable for young boys, I blame the parents I really do).

* Computer mice, not mice mice; this blog in no way advocates the jiggling of mice or other small rodents, this is a cruelty free blog, otherwise Janet would hunt me down and make me drink soy milk...

The Easter Bunny Hops Off and Other News

Dahlings! Phew!  The Easter hols are over - Boys 1 and 2 went back to school this Thursday..Daphnes4Boyz like to ease themselves gently back into the term, so no sooner have you loaded up the 3 tons of sports equipment into the car and deposited it and boys at the school, then you are back taking it all home again ...in fact in my case I was back at the school within 1 hour as it turned out Boy 2 had left behind his piano lesson* bag...

Here is a visual of our Easter decorations.

Now here is the real picture.

Robo Rat came courtesy of Louise in Townsville - gee, thanks Louise!! Louise sent a huge box of things for the boys, including Robo Tarantula and 2 huge life like rubber snakes.  The rubber snake had a not inconsiderable role in the school production of "Joseph and his Multi-Coloured Dreamcoat"** and now has its own Equity card.

We had fun over Easter - Lovely B and her daughter Lovely R and Lovely A came to stay for the Easter weekend.  We did a little trip to Windsor, it was biting cold, there was a huge queue all the way down  the street for the Castle.  The Queen was at home as the Royal Standard flag thing was flying but she did not ask us in for a cuppa.  One word: Republic.

Instead of taking a nice pic of the Castle for you all, I took a pic of a nearby clothes hire shop - it offers a free jacket with any kilt package.  Of course I found the phrase "kilt package" very amusing.  One thing about having the mental age of an 8 year old is one is rarely at a loss for a laugh..

The Easter hols continued long after the Easter weekend was over. 

To keep myself sane I fell back on my tried and tested remedy of gritty detective novels.

This quartet (known as the Red Riding quartet) is brilliant but not for the faint-hearted;  I don't want to be crude but it's battery and buggery all the way, and that's just the good guys....it's set in Yorkshire in the 70s and 80s and features police corruption and child murders, set against the background of the real life Yorkshire Ripper murders.  The four books  are linked, and I am hoping all will be resolved soon as I near the end of the last book, but somehow I am not expecting a happy ending.

Right, time for some more left over Easter egg.


*Dear Mrs Music Teacher, is it a good sign that after £300 of piano lessons (not that I am counting the cost or anything) Boy 2's only ambition is to play the Crazy Frog theme (what I know as the Beverly Hills cop music) as shown on YouTube?

** to make it more accessible to Daphne's parents it was re-titled "Joseph and his Missoni Knitware"

My Love For Mr B

Valentine's Flowers from Mr B

This post was meant for Valentine's Day but every time I went to the computer yesterday there was a small boy attached to it, must contact the Computer Help Desk about this..*

Dahlings, I think we have known each other long enough for me to open up to you  about my innermost feelings and emotions. Normally I am very private person ....(falls off chair laughing).

I would like to share with you my love for Mr B.

For yes, I love him, he is adorable.
And let me count the reasons why:

I love his blue blue eyes
I love his Northern roots and the way he says "sing-ging"
I love his sense of humour
I love that he is losing his hair just a little bit
I love his terrible dancing
I love his voice
I love his skill with words and composition
I love that he has won a number of Ivor Novello awards for his song writing
I love that he is a multi-millionaire performer, recording artist and record producer....


WHAT?   WHAT AM I GOING ON ABOUT?

Oh, you thought I was talking about Mr Blighty?  Noooooo.

I am rambling about Mr Gary Barlow, lead singer of Take That, former X factor judge and national treasure in the making..


I missed the whole Take That phenomenon first time round but now I am in just the demographic for Gary and the boys Take That Two.  There are loads of  middle aged ladies very partial to Gary and the boys, many of them will have been fans first time round  - there is a tremendous amount of goodwill for the band.   I had a lovely chat with one of the older lady librarians the other day and she had been to see Take That in concert last summer.

My nearest and dearest find my crush on Gary hilarious but really Mr B (my Mr B) only has himself to blame as he gave me this for Christmas, which I found fascinating.




And then I read this. Also very interesting.  And funny. 

And Mr B got me these too.

Mr B (my Mr B) also tried to get me tickets for a charity concert Gary did in the Albert Hall just before Christmas but it was all sold out (drat those librarians....)

Boys 1 and 2 find Gary and his sing-ging totally uncool so I have the added benefit of being able to threaten to play Gary in the car if they misbehave  - "Nooooo, Mummy, please not Gary....nooooo!"
Also the risk of humiliation if their school mates hear Gary blaring out of the car at drop off  "Want you back, want chu back, want chu back for good .."

I leave you with Mr B (the other Mr B) doing some dance moves at the Albert Hall concert..he is not afraid to make fun of himself and his boy band days..

*Computer Help Desk have just got in touch - they recommend a Taser.

Mrs Blighty, Rock Chick

The other night I went with Mr B to see his old favourite group Echo and the Bunnymen play.

When I mentioned this recently to anyone, they looked a bit blank and then said, " Oh, yes, Echo Beach."

Nooooooo! That was quite different, that was Martha and the Muffins.

The Bunnymen are a rocky, moody, sort of post punk band with a charismatic Liverpudlian lead singer called Ian McCulloch.

Their best known song is "Killing Moon", featured on the soundtrack of  the film " Donnie Darko".


Must admit, prior to the event I was not terribly enthusiastic as I knew Mr B used to go to gigs wearing a greatcoat and pointy shoes and with his hair all spiked up, and it all sounded a bit goth and gloomy to me.

In fact, it was brilliant!

It was a thrill to skip off up to London on a school night and meet up with Mr B.  And the concert was at the London Palladium, a theatre I last visited for my 8th birthday to see Cliff Richard (bless  Grandma W, she organised that for me, what a nice mummy).  So it was great to see the inside of the Palladium again and bang on to Mr B about seeing Cliff and Olivia Newton-John, while Mr B carried on a parallel monologue about last seeing the Bunnymen at the Glasgow Barrowlands in 1984..not quite sure whose anecdote had the most street cred, mmm, tricky one..

The Bunnymen were good, really good -  a very tight band - and Mr McCulloch can really sing.  And what confidence, arrogance, to sing in front of all those people !   He was a real character - he took a lot of liquid refreshment between, even during, songs, we were a long way from the stage but the bets were on Guinness, with whisky chasers... a soothing vitamin drink and mineral water.


Here's them doing The Killing Moon  back in the 80s. They did it brilliantly last night too, they just look a lot less boyish!

And now dahlings, I am off  for a cheeky nap on the sofa - it's very tiring being a rock chick at my age.

Mrs Blighty's guide to popular music

I am NOT having a midlife crisis. I have just entered a new phase of the whole life crisis which started when I was 12 and will no doubt go on into the afterlife (when I will be the first demon ever to try accessorising PVC and pitchforks with broderie anglaise).

The latest phase is listening to Capital Radio, a commercial radio channel "broadcasting live from London's Leicester Square" whose target audience is 18 - 25 year old office workers, couriers, builders and white van man. You can get an idea of the quality of its output if I tell you it currently features "Fitballers" - a daily segment where Lisa, the chirpy morning show co -presenter tells us which World Cup players are, well, fit, with excruciating jokes about playing up front, tackle, etc. And when they do the weather, they sing "Showery Rain, Showery Rain" to the tune of Prince's "Purple Rain". What's not to like?

I can in my defence point out that it was Boy 1 who started the Capital Radio listening. He is now 9 which is apparently the age when boys get interested in pop music and start forming bands (Boy 1's band is called Feedback and he is sound engineer and roadie, on account of not actually playing any instruments and a slight problem with vocal -er - accuracy). Boy 1 came home from school talking excitedly about JLS, which I thought was one of those furniture warehouses that always advertise on telly on Boxing Day: "Stain resistant red leather-look corner sofa that will seat 20 of your closest friends - only £999.99." But it turns out that JLS is a boy band. A very quiet, unassuming boy in Boy 1's class is to all accounts the world's living authority on JLS and JLS Superfan.

But I can't blame Boy 1 for the fact that I now tune into Capital at home while he is in school, and in the car, even when on my own. The sad truth is that I like it, it's very soothing as their playlist only includes about 20 songs, so on average you hear the same song about 8 times day. Very reassuring. I like to know where I am.

The constant repetition (even while I type this I have heard at least 3 of the songs I mention below) means I am starting to pick up the words and felt I should share with you my thoughts on pop lyrics, 2010 style.

To summarise, the lyrics are all very soppy and poetic, hopelessly romantic. The love object in question is definitely being put on a pedestal and worshipped from afar.

For example, JLS are currently riding high with their smash hit, "The clubs are alive with the sound of disco" which features the memorable lines :
" You can be the DJ,
I can be the dancefloor
You can get up on me".

Quite.

And a guy called Usher is so bashful, he will never get anywhere with the girls:
"Honey got a booty like pow pow pow,
Honey got some boobies like wow wow wow"

The soppy fool.

 Usher in hat being soppy

 Another song (Got Nothing On You - B.O.B. featuring Bruno Mars) starts well, with a bold declaration of affection:

"Beautiful girls all over the world

I could be chasing but my time would be wasted

They got nothing on you babe.."

But then all is ruined by the uber-mushy:
"you wild when you ain't got nothing on,

baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes

and you keep it real while them other stay plastic
you're my wonder women call me mr. fantastic"

My current favourite though is an energetic young lady called Rihanna, who is very clear about her needs as as woman.

She sings "Come here rude boy, boy can you get it up?"

And then "Tonight baby we can get it on, yeah, we can get it on"

I really admire her determination to motivate her partner to build that IKEA* bookcase and get it attached to the walls. Her devotion to DIY obviously knows no bounds.

But in being so practical, I fear she has gone to the other extreme. Where, I ask, is the romance?

Oh, what's that Rihanna?

"Give it to me baby like boom boom boom"
No, still on about that bookcase.
Ikea Billy bookcase, comes in other colours too

*infamous Swedish furniture store, a big hit with unsuspecting Brits. Items come flatpacked with cryptic instructions in Swenglish, average build time 22 months, frequently cited in divorce petitions.