Hairy Maclary and Other Clothes

Cold today.  Plus the Apple logo appears to be floating over my garden.

Luckily I am prepared, as have found a fashion blogger in Alaska

copyright High Latitude Style

 

It's a fascinating blog, fashion plus a insight into life in a very different place - things we never think about here, like how cars often just won't work when the temp drops below minus 40; the skill of driving when bundled up in coat and gloves and snowboots; the high cost of goods as most things are imported and many companies won't deliver to Alaska.  Plus it came in handy when Boy2 had to do a homework on a cold environment.   It may be the first time a geography project has been lifted from a fashion blog. A refreshing change from the old Wikipedia cut and paste.  Might need to prune the paragraphs on layering while maintaining a slim silhouette...

Already had to rein Boy2, as he was very taken with the "non-contiguous state of the US" thing and so launched into a description of the other non-contig state, Hawaii.  I am not an expert on climate but possibly Hawaii was not what the geography teacher had in mind. But don't worry, Boy2 is irrepressible and, deprived of his exposition on Hawaii, he bounced back with facts and photos on polar bears.

And the actual caption Boy2 used: "These 2 polar bears have developed a very good sense of smell so they can find food in the cold climate"  Just these lucky 2 bears, no others!

Another fashion blogger I discovered recently  is Silk Path Diary

She is so cute, elegant and well-dressed, with an amazing collection of vintage Hermes bags, scarves and some beautiful classic coats.

copyright Silk Path Diary

 Inspired by her I bought this on eBay.  At the bargainous price of 40 pounds.

Jigsaw, wool and cashmere, ideal for muddy dog walks. I am totally on message re buying clothes for your real, not your imaginary, lifestyle.  

 

But then I went off piste and bought this.  Hairy Maclary.  A bargain at 4 pounds and real suede and Mongolian whatnot.

But really, what was I thinking?

To wear this you need to be 

a) Kate Moss; 

b) at Woodstock in the 1970s;

c) in The Gruffalo: the Musical; or
d) all of the above.

Should I give it a deep conditioning treatment or comb for nits?

I don't know whether to take it to the hairdressers or the dog groomers, I have tried smoothing it down and rearranging it but ended up with an unflattering centre parting...

copyright Lynley Dodd

In other news,  a friend posted a link about Mikhail Baryshnikov on Facebook (thanks M) and that sent me off down memory lane.  Did you ever see this?

  I love seeing classically trained dancers cut lose and dance more modern styles. Misha is such a great dancer, such charisma. And may I must add, PHWOARRRRRRR! Thank you, just needed to do that.



 Has any one read this? 

  I really want to read it.  Gelsey partnered with Misha, back in the day, on and off stage.

Memory lane again : a 1000 years ago Grandma Whacker and I saw old Nureyev dance Romeo and Juliet at Covent Garden, then hung around the stagedoor as he swept past in fur hat with ballerina in tow. "Not tonight" he exclaimed imperiously to the autograph hunters.

Right, now I have ended up in Memory Lane it's time to embrace the present.  Maybe I'll take Hairy Maclary to the vets for his injections.

Cultured

Hello dahlings! Are you well?

Here at Blighty HQ we've all been busy with our various cultural activities..

The nice people at Club Penguin sent Boy 2 a copy of their brand new Club Penguin magazine.  I think they hoped he might do a review (they were perhaps labouring under the misconception that he was an influential literary figure, like Oscar Wilde but more butch and less likely to come out with witty little quips...)  Sadly Boy 2 sees reading as an unnecessary activity; it is rumoured that he once read the on-screen instructions for a  shoot 'em up computer game but he has threatened to punch anyone who dares repeat this.

So getting any sort of reaction out of Boy 2 was a challenge. 

"Did you like that magazine?"
 "Ugh?" 
"What did you like about it?" 
" Stuff." 
"What stuff?" 
"Stuff."

Eventually Boy 2 admitted that it was a really cool mag as not only did it have stuff in it but it came with a week's free membership of Club Penguin, the on-line penguin world he so loves. AND there was a code for a limited edition T-shirt for his on-line penguin persona to wear, and he was the first penguin to wear one and all the other penguins though he was cool and wanted to be his friend.  So there you have: Club Penguin magazine - makes you fashion forward and the envy of other penguins.


I have read this book.

To summarise, this chap is a vegan for 25 ish years and eats lots (5-6 times a day) of soy based meat substitutes and suffers terrible IBS and piles etc.  Eventually he gets fed up, ditches the soya, buys some meat and eats it - on the first day he has ox liver for lunch and then steak for supper.  His IBS  disappears and he feels marvellous.  It makes a good story. He has some interesting stuff to say about the food industry and how the government's "healthy eating" campaigns have coincided with an increase in obesity.  But really, I do think he might have twigged a bit earlier on, that the soya was the problem and that excessive consumption of one foodstuff is a bad idea - and now it looks as if he's heading the same way with the meat!  I would be really interested in what Janet of The Gardener's Cottage thinks about this book, as Janet is a committed vegan who appears the picture of health and  is also a trained chef and does not just reach for the Linda McCartney readymade soya sausages.

 

The other night Mr B and I watched this.

 

It was nice to see Mr Banderas speaking Spanish and not voicing a large ginger cat wearing thigh high boots.  This film was nicely creepy, hokey and as weird as you would expect from old Almodovar. If you have seen this, you will understand why Mr Blighty found it a bit unsettling.

 

Remember my minimalist phase?  Well some members of Blighty Inc have gone seriously off message.  This here mess is a game Boys 1 and 2 call "Teddy Resort Party"

It may just look like a random scattering of toys but in fact it's a very exclusive, all-inclusive, luxury beach resort for stuffed animals run by Boys 1 and 2.  A bit like Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion except the bunnies are stuffed   real don't have large nope, can't make this work!

This is the casino - note the chips.

The casino is run by tiger - here he is at his control desk, watching out for cheats and card counters...

I have been listening to this chap - Gotye - no idea how it's pronounced - Goaty??  I think he is Australian  - do you ladies know him already?

 

I was amused by this video for one of Gotye's songs.  I suggested to Mr Blighty that he circulate it round the office to build morale - I found the scenes at the typewriter very evocative of the parliamentary draughtsman's role.....

 

 

Mr B did not think his boss would appreciate this - some people are just not as cultured as others..

Sophie's Choice and McBride's A Gory Ride

Dahlings, first, housekeeping: I seem to be in an emotionally abusive relationship with Blogger, it raises my hopes by offering me the chance to respond to your comments individually and sometimes even lets me; at other times it cruelly withholds and doesn't let me.  Very upsetting.  I just wanted to let you know, I really appreciate all your comments and am very flattered that you take the time and trouble.

Now, books. I wanted to tell you about an author whose books I have been greedily gollopping* down: Sophie Hannah. Ms Hannah writes psychological thrillers which I find compelling. They are based in and around a fictional town Spilling near Cambridge (UK) and each feature Spilling CID, in particular the rather odd detective Simon Waterhouse, his grumpy boss Proust, and a feisty woman detective Charlie Zailer.  Have you read these?  If not and if you like twisty, slightly nasty thrillers with some police procedural, then you are in for a treat.  They are the kind of books I am sad to finish, it is so enjoyable having one on the go.

Mr Blighty has also taken to the works of Sophie H and being Mr B, has read them all in the right order, whereas I have read them haphazardly depending on what I find in the local library.  Normally I would not mind, but as Mr B has gone all sequential, I feel slightly hard done by.. What about you guys?  Do you read series of books in the correct order? Is this exclusively a male trait? Or a Mr B trait?

Once I had finished the works of Sophie Hannah,  I felt quite bereft so picked up Stuart MacBride's "Birthdays for the Dead". I have read his detective series set in Aberdeen and like the grittiness and sense of humour. "Birthdays" is not for the over-sensitive, the crimes described are horrid but if you can keep that at arm's length, the plot is great and the pace cracking, and there is the same black humour. The main character reminded me of the lead in Tony Black's novels which I talked about here: both characters do a lot of punching other people, but all in a good cause...

When I mentioned to the lady librarians recently my love for the gruesome works of Ms Hannah, Mr MacBride, SJ Bolton and others, they countered that they liked nice, happy books; they then conceded that some really nice people did like horrible books;  they eyed me speculatively as if assessing whether I fell into that category, but apparently the jury is still out on that one**...

I am quite puzzled to be honest about my ability to enjoy really quite unpleasant books, as I am a total wuss when it comes to scary films (did not sleep a wink after seeing Psycho and refused to shower for weeks; would never trust anyone called Freddie Kruger ...). I also can't bear to read horrid news reports. Maybe I can cope with the books as they are not as vivid and immediate as films, also, because I know they are fiction and the authors leaven the fare with humour and by keeping certain characters (murder victims) as cyphers rather than fleshing out their characters ...

Well enough of my homemade literary analysis.  Have just heard a brand new Sophie Hannah is waiting for me at the library...(hotfoots it to library)

What books are you chaps enjoying at the moment? Please tell, love getting book tips!

*probs not a real word but I live dangerously
**note to self: pay fines on time, grovel more and contribute generously to the librarians' Christmas party fund

Cyber Sulk?

Well as cyber sullks go, that was quite exceptional. 

Except I wasn't sulking. Honest.

I just seem to have been soooo busy.

So I hired Top Management Consultant Anders Hoch  to review operations at Blighty Inc and make recommendations on how to improve productivity.

Here are excerpts from his report, with my reaction in italics.

Taking Blighty Inc. Forward  Into the 20th Century*

* Anders old chap how much wine did you have at lunch exactly?

Scope of Review

We were asked to review all domestic operations of Blighty Inc.  We observed operations at Blighty HQ and interviewed key personnel in Catering, Procurement, Staff Training, Laundry Services, Hygiene and Health Services, Transport, Policing and Judicial,  Social Activities and Sport (which in this report will be collectively referred to as MUM).
Er, that's  me I think...

We also spoke to the Chief Executive Officer and Finance Director.  So Mr B gets the fancy job title, typical

We had a brief interview with the junior members of the Blighty Inc. team but they were very busy watching telly and were unwilling to fully enter into a dialogue  you mean they ignored you completely as they were watching re-runs of Top Gear on Dave TV


Scope of Activities

The breakdown of MUM activities during a typical working day are:

23%  reading gossip on the Daily Mail website
27% drinking tea, reading fashion blogs
2% furiously carrying out domestic tasks in state of guilt and quiet frenzy
12% looking for reading glasses
5% reading thrillers and detective novels
5% answering cold calls on telephone from insurance companies and acting delightfully dizzy and charming while telling them to get lost
4% ringing Grandma Whacker back and apologising for being so rude under misapprehension that she was selling car insurance and of course you don't mean her to do that with her insurance policy

5% watching X Factor with Mr B and putting on silly Northern accent and exclaiming "oooh Gary has such kind eyes, I really feel he understands me and my journey" and falling off sofa with laughter inventing sob stories for contestants: "It would mean the world to me to win X Factor as I have a conjoined twin who is currently in prison  and a granny confined to a wheelchair by terminal flatulence..."
77% watching junior executives playing rugby in a light drizzle
86% watching junior executives playing football in a light drizzle
34% attending to sports related injuries
36%  sports psychology counselling
7%  cobbling together costumes for school theme days (" I know it's a fitted sheet but well- to- do Romans would definitely have worn fitted sheets, honest!")

10% watching The Killing, exciting Danish police thriller
45% providing taxi services to Blighty junior executives
42% struggling to help with Maths homework


Key Recommendations

• MUM is a very inefficient member of the Blighty team; her role needs to be more focused, and preferably carried out by someone else with better motivation and better skills re work product delivery do you mean get a cleaner?  Yay!
• MUM to attend management training course and be reprogrammed
• MUM must be denied access to the Internet
• MUM to give up tea and novels
• MUM to stop watching X Factor But Gary is the only man who really understands me
• junior executives to give up rugby and football and instead take up needlework at home
• MUM to accept that never going to get through 100 hours of The Killing so return the DVD the library NOW
• junior executives to learn to drive They are only 9 and 10 so this might be a bit tricky

So there we have it.  I am going to be re-programmed.  I  will be dynamic, efficient and focused. 

Just as soon as I've had a cup of tea and a little sit down.. and a look at the Daily Mail website...

Dates, Sticky and Otherwise

Morning Dahlings!

Before I forget, the lovely Annie from Queensland has started her own blog, it is fab, very inspiring, check it out!  http://redrosesandcrystal.blogspot.com/

I am attempting a new approach to bloggitisation*!   Little and a bit more often.  We'll see how long this lasts!


A couple of weeks ago at Blighty HQ we were all about dates.

First Grandma Whacker was en residence to celebrate her Birthday.

You might think this is a pic of the Birthday Cake but in fact it's a life sized model of Grandma Whacker herself. 

I dare not tell you how old she is now.  372.  Remarkable.

Then it was our Wedding Anniversary, with the usual gloomy comments from Mr B about serving less time for murder.

The card read: "Happy Wedding Anniversary Mrs B, can I have my passport back now?"

And then very excitingly, Mr B took me on a surprise date.  I did not know where he was taking me.  I was All Agog and Stuff.

He drove me to Berkhamsted, to an old Art Deco cinema called The Rex.

The seats are big and plush, or if you sit lower down, you can eat and drink at tables while watching the film.

I knew they were showing a French film "Potiche" - with old Gerard Depardieu and Catherine Deneuve.

I don't know quite how to break this to you all.  Here goes.

Mr B had selected a film about motorbike racing on the Isle of Man.

I am NOT making this up.

It is the first time I have been speechless for years.
(Maybe that's why he did it).

Happy Wedding Anniversary Mr B.  Hope you sleep well in the spare room...

*ok, I made that word up, I just enjoy winding up the spellcheck gismo. In the same way I enjoy deliberately going the wrong way in the car and listening to Tim the Sat Nag going bonkers - "Turn around when possible. Turn around when possible. I SAID TURN AROUND NOW, YOU HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING!!!!!" What can I say, I am a natural rebel and Tim is such an uptight little fusspot).

Trouble

You know you're in trouble when....

.... you watch Black Swan on DVD and you then find yourself skipping about the kitchen, pointing your toes, and humming that music (Tum, tum  ti tum ti tum, ti tum, ti tum, ti tum ti tum ti tum..) and shouting, " I'm a prima ballerina and I'm absolutely bonkers..."

and you are growing feathers and stuff...

(you also know you are in trouble when you spend time trying to fashion a tutu out of paper tissue for a small stuffed animal...)

..............small boys dress up  Mad for a school charity thing and you can't tell the difference from their normal off duty attire..

.... you find a card to send Louise of InTownsville (Louise has just had a big operation on her back, wishing you Up and About soon Louise) and you are convinced this card is just the thing, telling yourself it depicts, left to right, you, Linda in Chile and Louise (you have a very jolly email playgroup going with these two ladies), and you are able completely to overlook the fact that it is, ahem, quite some time, since you were school girls...

.....you start your holiday packing* and put in 4 towels and an educational game which no one will play and then your suitcase is full and you are so done with packing and need a cup of tea...

......you reinstate the Wii which has been banned for 6 months and now Boy 2 has his mitts clasped to the controls EVEN WHEN IT IS NOT ON...

.....Mr Blighty discovers an ant infestation in the cupboard and spends the weekend in there dealing with it...

(by the way, those red boots do not have anyone in them, despite appearances - I have not, for example, been overcome by the sight of my spouse being all manly and fainted....they do look odd though...)

......................this is the scene after you have, in a weak moment, bought Boy 1 a new grip for his cricket bat*; and he has come home and ripped the old one off, and you hear wailing and after 10 minutes of panting and puffing you realise it is impossible to get the new grip on...

*why the bl**dy hell did they not warn me in the shop, do I look like the sort of woman who knows what she is doing? Of course not!

   If only I had paid attention to those saucy articles in Cosmopolitan about how to . .....never mind..with your teeth...no, that's enough

This particular spot of bother was resolved by a visit to yet another sports shop, it turns out you need a wooden thing to roll the new grip onto, inside out and then you roll it onto the bat....*

* Some of you really have filthy minds.  I like that.

Thwarted

PIC 1 MRS B LYING ON COUCH LIKE THAT CAMELIAS  WOMAN BUT WITHOUT THE GALLOPING CONSUMPTION AND WITH A PACKET OF WALKERS PRAWN COCKTAIL CRISPS* CLUTCHED TO HER CHEST


So the other day I had a post ready.  And then Blogger ate it up, photos and all, burped and sighed happily to itself, leaving me tempted to whack the computer lightly with a brick.  Since then I have been lying on my couch all melodramatic artist-like, now and again announcing that I can't work under such conditions.  Until Boys 1 and 2 asked me to move, as they wanted to sit on the couch to watch their current favourite TV show, "60 Deadly Animals Wot Will Bite Your Head Or Other Important Bits Off" and eat crisps.

PIC 2 BOYS 1 AND 2 SITTING ON COUCH WITH PACKET OF WALKERS CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS EACH WITH TV IN BACKGROUND SHOWING CUTE LITTLE MOUSE THINGIE BITING THE HEAD OFF A CRICKET*

But here I am again, defiantly trying to post.....bad idea, now I can't get the photos to load...but as you will have already observed, I have helpfully included in CAPITALS  a description of the visuals you are missing.

Humph!  It's pouring with rain here again and poor old Boy 1 has gone off with the school to do some sort of outdoor organic eco build your own den team building day - complete with waste free lunch - a bit of a challenge - I guess we were supposed to do brown rice wrapped in cabbage leaves but we've gone with a ham sandwich in Tupperware..

PIC 3 BOY 1'S WASTE FREE LUNCH  - ONE APPLE, ONE HAM SANDWICH AND 2 CHOC CHIP COOKIES EACH IN INDIVIDUAL TUPPERWARE BOXES BUT NO WALKERS CRISPS WHICH IS A SHAME AS WALKERS WORCESTER SAUCE FLAVOUR WOULD HAVE REALLY JOLLIED UP THE LUNCH

So now I'm off to watch The Big Easy ( a young Dennis Quaid, cute) which always cheers me up.**

What do you all do when things don't go your way?



* This post was not sponsored by Walkers Crisps but if there is any chance of a year's free supply of crisps..
**Which reminds me, the other day Mr B and I watched "Sex, Love and Other Drugs" and may I just say what a very fine actor Mr Gyllenhal's upper torso is (also his left buttock is quite talented too..)


PIC 4 PIC OF JAKEY G'S BUTTOCKS

WOT I DONE IN ME HOLIDAYS AND OTHER NEWS

Dahlings, I can't believe how long it is since last I blogged. Disgraceful! I really would not want this blog to fall into desuetude.* Although (much to Mr Blighty's amusement) during my breaks in posting I always gain more followers.  Paradoxically*, frequent posting causes me to lose followers - what me, offend people? Shocking!

Well life seems to have been coming at me like a hyperactive toddler covered in melted chocolate when you are wearing a cream suit, and there has been the small event of Boys 1and 2's half term hols (now safely over, though Boy 1 did manage to wangle a day off "ill" last week - "ill" as in, I feel a bit tired and don't really much fancy it today). AND THEY HAVE ONLY 4 WEEKS LEFT NOW OF SCHOOL BEFORE THE LONG SUMMER HOLS NOT THAT I AM PANICKING OR ANYTHING WHERE IS MY PASSPORT STUFF IT I WILL LEAVE ALL MY CLOTHES BEHIND YES I WANT TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNTS AND TAKE THE WHOLE BALANCE IN CASH TAXIIIIIIIII! WHEN IS THE NEXT FLIGHT LEAVING? WHERE? NEVER HEARD OF IT GIVE ME A SINGLE TICKET CAN I PAY CASH? ETC ETC!..

So in this post I am just going randomly to paste pics from the last couple of weeks and make it up as I go along (so actually no change whatsoever to my usual modus operandi*)..

Above, 3D glasses -Mr B has just taken the boys off to watch Kung Fu Panda 2.  During the hols I took them to Pirates of the Caribbean 34  and would like to point out that the actual running time of that film is in fact 2 and a half days, never mind what they claim on the cinema website.  I can also confirm that the correct mathematical formula for popcorn consumption by Boy 2 is : bodyweight x 2 + total arm  reach x fist capacity - trouser coverage - time popcorn removed by Mummy who is no fun at all.  All rigorously scientifically tested. Another interesting statistic: number of times Mummy said loudly in a quiet bit "Does anyone need a wee?" = 7 ( Oh and I would just like to say well done to the man at the back who very obediently did as he was told..)


Cinema today is a good idea as it has been raining nonstop and cricket has been cancelled.  Mind you, cricket is not what is was, thanks to a teenage pyromaniac who did this to the cricket pavilion just a  couple of months ago.

Grandma Whacker came to stay to help me with the boys during half-term.  She brought these lovely roses from her garden.

 With my mother around I regressed to my teenage self, wore ripped jeans and painted my nails an alarming colour.  Grandma pronounced that "You bloggy girls have very frightening nails!"

 I tried to be a bit Faux Fuchsia so wore this purple rock arrangement (copyright FF 20110).

The colour is OPI Summer 2010 .   I am thinking that soon I will get my alter ego Sindy Lemon-Grass-Snoddy (beautician and research chemist) to do a guest post on nail polish.

I played chess with Boy 2 (aged 8).  He beat me. Easily.  I can't actually play chess and so Boy 2 has been teaching me, but he only tells me certain things, bit by bit.  The book is for me, not him. I'll show him!

 This thing below is Mr Snoodles.  Boy 2 has been going on about buying him for ages, he is a Moshi Monster character. Apparently.  I must admit to being somewhat underwhelmed when I finally came face to face with Mr Snoodles.  He is basically a yellow pig with green ears.  Boy 2 of course adores him and will do for at least the next 10 hours, before abandoning him on his bedroom floor forever. Poor Mr Snoodles.

This is, according to Mr Blighty, the most expensive property in the UK - One Hyde Park. The penthouse flat sold for about £140 million last year. Gulp!  We went past it on the way to a football birthday party in Hyde Park a few weeks ago.

They must get a nice view of the park.

 And at the bottom of the building is a handy convenience store, for those last minute essentials.

Once the boys went back to school Grandma and I hit up John Lewis, that purveyor of all household wares to middle England.  Look at the price of this baby!  Does it go buy the ingredients for you, load them in the car and unpack them when it gets home?  For this price it's the least it can do.

 I liked the colour of this Kitchen Aid.  But Grandma reminded me that I did not really cook plus there is the evidence of prior gadget abuse in the form of my breadmaker (last used in 2007), slow cooker, rice cooker...

 Loved the cheery colours of these gadgets.  I could wear matching nail polish (not now Sindy).

Grandma and I endured the Horror of Sports Day - from 9am to 5pm on a windswept sports field bordering the motorway, total time spent by Boy 1 and Boy 2 doing an event 4 mins.  I particularly enjoyed the hail stones at about 2.30pm, though the drizzle at 11am was good too.  And readers of Faux Fuchsia will know that just the other day she locked her keys in the car and had to get the emergency rescue man out.  Well, ever keen to emulate Faux I locked Grandma in the car at the start of Sports Day. For 20 minutes.  By accident. Honest.  Result: one Very Cross Grandma;  the RSPCA are never going to let me have a dog; and Grandma will never get in the car again without the keys and an emergency flare. 

Here is Boy 2 taking it all very seriously, keeping his pompoms dry. At least I think it is Boy 2 - as usual I was cheering on a boy with the same red trainers - who turned out not to be Boy 2.....And I can never remember the house names and colours - "no Mummy, green is Ringworm, Yellow is Impetigo, Red is ChickenPox, Blue is Verruca"  (Daphnes4Boy$ Sports Day, sponsored by Clapxx  Pharmaceuticals).

 Yesterday we went to a lovely party, and the boys did lots of this, having investigated the chocolate fountain and the ice cream van first.

Finally I found these in the cupboards, sweet little baby plates which a Swedish friend gave us when Boy 1 was tiny.  I am wondering whether a certain little Australian baby might like these.  I never really used them as I favoured bowls that could be stuck down by suction pads onto the high chair. 

 

Even so, this happened far too often...

*  I would like to dedicate these items of vocabulary to Louise InTownsville and Linda in Chile.