Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
cannot guarantee nut-free

Monday, 29 December 2014

What We Did in Our Christmas Hols

We went to see Paddington the Movie.  We all loved it except Boy1 who is teenage and only likes films with explosions.

I got a sprout thrown at me at 7am on Christmas morning.  Nice.

Monty Dog grew huge blonde eye brows.  For warmth I suppose.  We are thinking of getting him a hat and duffel coat, then he would look just like Paddington

I gave Mr B some posh eau de toilette, I thought Encre Noire (black ink) sounded suitable for a parliamentary draftsman, hope it won't drive his female colleagues wild with desire. Of course now the office is modernised and last week stopped using quill pens, it should be called Beige Keyboard. 

Mr B gave me a lovely MaiTai scarf ring.  The colour is "prune." French for plum.  No Mr B, please no prune jokes.

And a Hermes scarf.

Of course I actually bought them months our house spontaneous gifting has to be carefully orchestrated.

The scarf is La Femme Aux Semelles de Vent.  Woman with Wind under her Soles.   Mr B says it's the Brussel sprouts.  That man has the soul of a poet.  Spike Milligan. Or Purple Ronnie.

 The scarf features the explorer Alexandra David-Neel, depicted on the scarf approaching Lhasa in Tibet. I had never heard of her before but I expect she is big in France.  Like  a French Kate Adie but without the pearl earrings.

Boy1 was given a basket ball hoop.  It only took Mr B 7 and half hours to put up.

Boy2 was given various gamey gizmos and some hockey boots.

Grandma was in residence and only managed to watch about 87 films and clock about 5000 hours quality TV time.

We played games like Perudo and Uno and Bananagrams, all of which involve shouting key words at certain times, to be on the safe side I now shout "Dudo Uno Peel Split Dump" every 5 minutes whether we are playing a game or not.  And Banangrams which involves making up words has been most educational, I had no idea that a 12 year old knew so many rude words.  And so many linked to basket ball hoop construction.

Mr B and I have started watching The Code, an Australian drama, like The Bridge what with political cover ups and slimy bureaucrats and an eccentric genius and dum -di - dum di -dum music as each episode draws to a conclusion, but with heat and dust.  It came highly recommended by Mrs Peabody,  check out her blog for some cracking crime reads and viewing ideas.

I am reading this.  Again heat and dust instead of the usual Nordic noir.

And I have been trying out Caron's Nuit de Noel, I wanted something  Christmas piney and resin-y.  It's really nice and green, but I think I might prefer Serge Lutens La Fille en Aiguilles which is supposed to be a pine forest in summer.  But oh la la, the price! Les Senteurs is good for perfume samples though if you live in the UK.

Right, time for another meal. It's at least 15 minutes since we last ate so things are getting desperate.


Thursday, 18 December 2014

A Blog is not just for Christmas

Sign of the times that the first Christmas party I attend is the dog's.

All the movers and shakers of the Advanced Dog Training Class* were there.

This is Arthur.  Swiss Entlebucher, financier and raconteur - he is super bright, runs a bank, often abroad for tax reasons, loads of character and woofs, yips and growls his way through dog training, he has lots of anecdotes and some really rude jokes. Possibly.  I don't speak dog.  But that's what I imagine. Much in demand as an after-dinner speaker.

This is Darcey.  Bouvier des Flandres, fashion icon and lady.  Jackie Kennedy was a Bouvier too.  So Darcey is very refined and stylish, I can see her in an Oleg Cassini suit and pillbox hat. Monty stares at her longingly with his mouth open but she is out of his league.  Darcey is best kept away from any blonde bubble permed poodles, the sort that might sing "Happy Birthday Mr President".

Leonard McCombe/Life Magazine/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images

President Kennedy  with First Lady Jackie, in fur-trimmed suit designed by Oleg Cassini, at his inauguration.

And then there's Monty.  Border terrier and class clown - always looking the wrong way, never concentrates, always needs the loo in the middle of class.

It was a fab party. 

There was a tree.

There was tinsel.

A buffet.

Hmm, always one greedy gutzer pushing in at the buffet..

Wild party games involving the wearing of hats.

Standing on things.



Everyone got tired and emotional and had to be driven home.

In short, a cracking party.


*  Laura Ward
Minds Alike Animal Training and Behaviour

Friday, 12 December 2014

Right Now

Right now we are all about....


Who knew coal mining was on the curricculum at Greggs Grammar?

Christmas trees

Multiple pairs of trainers for our sporting activities

Is Boy 2 a centipede? Why so many shoes? No wonder he staggers up the drive on the way to school. Cue maternal guilt at making boys walk to school.

Trying to eat our Santa hat.

Scarfing it up. 

Photo above from the Scarf Forum, I need to buy a melon, will it count as one of my 5 a day? (it's tutorial on how to tie an Ascot cowl knot, apparently). How do I balance it on my head?

Meet Chicken* my only friend.  She is helping me sell some Hermes scarves on  Evil Bay.  If you are interested, I'm pudfish63.

* Called Chicken because she is headless.  Groan.

She is already misbehaving, all super-modelly, tantrums, wants a private jet and Cristalle champagne..I now suspect the head removal was all part of an extreme celeb weight loss fad.

Above and below,  Hermes Sous les Branches de L'Ombu

Books.  This one was interesting - I did not know that Talitha Getty was the granddaughter of Augustus John and had forgotten that old David Bailey was married to Catherine Deneuve.

Bargain Diane von Furstenburg dresses from the Bay of Evil.

Migraines.  Bane of my life.  Any tips? 

What are you All About these days?


Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Gone Lost Her Mind

Hello, this is the blog talking.  Help! I am being badly neglected, look at the dust and tumbleweeds blowing across my deserted plains.  (Enough with the poetic stuff already, doesn't suit).

Once I was flavour of the month, she was always playing about with me, putting up posts, tinkering with my layout...

But I have been supplanted by that creature - the Log? no, Pog?  Wait. that's it, the DOG!

And now this....

She's put that creature in a box contraption lined with orange - yes ORANGE - corduroy - and he rides around in the front seat next to her....

And me?  I never get taken anywhere now...

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Not What I Was Expecting

Dahlings, sorry to have been AWOL but have been rather busy of late...

Was chatting to Faux Fuchsia by email yesterday and she asked me how I was feeling about THE Wedding (George Clooney,Venice).

And I have to say -

I am really a bit disappointed.

I did think there would be more glamour....

But no, since the wedding  my life seems to have continued just as before,  a glamour free zone.

Since becoming Mrs George Clooney I have had to deal with:


complaining to the council about drainage issues

broken household appliances (dishwasher, central heating, landline telephone)

naughty dog


naughty children

"I am NOT doing my stoopid Maths homework so there!"

And George has been no help at all - he just stands around waving and looking impossibly handsome and grinning for the cameras

Finally we got Kimberley the Dog Whisperer in.  Apparently we have been doing it ALL WRONG...

she told us to put the dog in a crate
the children in a boarding school
the dishwasher in the dump
and to send old George back to Hollywood, because quite frankly he wasn't pulling his weight around the house....

I may have got it a bit muddled as have been getting calls from the council about 2 feral children found watching TV in the electricals skip at the dump, but George has already been made head boy at Harrow and Monty Dog has taken Hollywood by storm with his eerily lifelike portrayal of a werewolf...

Meanwhile I can be found drinking pints of cider with Kimberley at the Pig and Whippet..

P.S. A big hello to Charlie and Me who very kindly asked if I was ok during my latest Blog Silence, that was very sweet of you, thank you.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Donner und Blitzen and Expert Dog Training

Hello Dahlings!
Sunday afternoon here so have sneaked off to update you all on life at Blighty HQ.

We have had a mini heatwave here and then tremendous thunderstorms and lightning - Donner und Blitzen.  No, not the reindeer Mr B.  Ha ha, Mr B, ha ha.

So my cheapo Primark dress appeared on its annual, one day outing.

I may have mentioned I contracted serious Scarf Fever but this hot weather makes wearing a scarf impossible.  Finally I understand the lamenting of the ladies on the Purse Forum about this, yes Mr B there is such a thing as a Purse Forum and yes Mr B, First World Problem par excellence.

I can't even wear this scarf which would really be appropriate.

I confess I saw Faux Fuchsia looking divine in it on her blog so when I saw it in a different colourway on Evil Bay I snapped it up.  

I had to buy it, it has not only zebras but also giraffes on it.

Here's Faux Fuchsia modelling her scarf, see it's all her fault!  Dear FF, sorry to be a copy parrot, hope this is not too Single White Female!! Please don't tell Mrs Danvers.

Meanwhile both boys are now on hols, Boy 1 had to endure 2 more weeks at his school, while Boy 2 already on hols lived the dream of the Single Child.  He set himself a personal challenge to eat a ham and cheese toastie at Costa Coffee every day for a week.  Here he is on day 4 going for broke with 2 of them.  After this I am afraid I called time on this ruinously expensive carry on and suggested he did the summer reading challenge instead like all the other kids.

I know it's only early on in the summer hols but I am quite tempted to try trading one or both of the boys in,  in return for this brand new tiptop executive home on sale in our road.  

But don't worry, I am keeping the Monty Dog.  We are in advanced preparation for our debut in the Commonwealth Games, high jump.  Next thing you know, I will have made a top dog training video, Training for Success.  Cesar Milan, eat your heart out!

Better go, we are now experiencing a slight domestic hiccup: Mr B has run over the dog stake out line (complete with corkscrew stake thingie) with the mower - all of the line/corkscrew metal thing is now wrapped around the blades, it is probs curtains for the mower.  And for the line.

  Mr B tentatively suggested, to look on the bright side, that it was a good job the dog was not attached to it at the time.  I may have said something like "You and that bl**dy mower."  As you do.