And then my pants dropped off

 

Dahlings, how are you? I am pleased to report that our local Shorts Wearing Man is still at large, with daily sightings of him and his legs. I now have to sing a short refrain of "it's crazeey, crazeey, shorts wearing man!" whenever I drive past him, I just can't not do it. And  I am wondering what on earth will happen if it actually gets hot this summer - stay tuned for possible update on Crazy Naked Man and/or local mother drives car into hedge in state of over-excitement.

This week the boys popped back into school for a spot of learning before the next set of holidays.

To celebrate* I took myself off to Bicester Village (luxury brand discount outlet and my spiritual home).

Loved this dress but even discounted it was £££££

 

Shockingly, I bought very little. I saw a tweet a while ago along the lines of "My woman-ness is
broken, I can't shop" and I felt just like that, the pathos was overwhelming.

 

 

Marni

 

 

Loved the dress on the right but even discounted it was ££££££

 

 

 

Above and below Jimmy Choo

 

 

I came home with only liquid handwash and L'Artisan Parfumeur Mandarin eau de toilette.  When I told Mr B I had bought some mandarin perfume he asked why I wanted to smell like an ancient Chinese bureaucrat- ha ha Mr B, ha ha.

In yet another exciting new fashion development I have decided pencil skirts are the Way Forward** - ones in stretchy material, though, for comfort and ease of movement.




 I have decided they are more flattering for the older figure and also will eliminate the problem of  "accidental lower back exposure" aka builder's bum.  I have jeans from Zara which are cut too low. Recently the boys have been shouting "UUUUURHHHG MUM NO, we can see your bum, uuuuuuurh! !" when I bend down to feed one or other of the domestic appliances. It's not the kind of reaction I wish to inspire in young men.

I have taken the plunge and ordered these.  I look forward to returning them shortly. And to be honest, forget the skirts, I would rather hire one of these lovely, fresh faced, perky young ladies to come look after the household for me while I lie around on the sofa...

Zara - I clean your toilet now yes?



 

Asos - after I hoover I will go wash the car and then mow the lawn, ok?



Monsoon

In other exciting fashion news, Grandma Whacker has appointed me her personal stylist.  Move over Rachel Zoe (and stop making Skyler wear those hats): I am now Stylist to the Stars.  La Whacker is contemplating some Spring fashion purchases to take her through her many social  engagements.  We all know it will end in Marks and Spencer but in the meantime I think these jackets would suit the Big G very well.

Monsoon

In  other news I read this recently.





It made a big impression on me.  It's the true story of an attempt by the Czech Resistance in WW2 to assassinate Reinhard Heydrich, the Nazi Protector of Czechoslovakia and one of the architects of the Holocaust, and all round despicable human being.

 It's not a cosy read obviously given its subject matter, but I thought it was brilliantly done. It helped in terms of suspense that I was ignorant of this chapter of history; if you already know what happened, that might change your experience of the book.

 From reading the book blogs, I gather the novel is an example of "meta fiction", where there is a story within a story: the author recounts the book writing process and also plays with the conventions of the historical novel, telling a bit of the story and then in the next chapter revealing that he invented various details.  This has irritated certain readers but I liked it, I thought it was honest and made his account seem more trustworthy, not less, by showing that many details in historical accounts have been "filled in" by the author.

 Other commenters have also been upset by what they felt was the author's flippant tone and it is true he makes quips, but I found this understandable as a release valve: it helped to bear the horror of what he was describing.  I could not have coped with a highly charged account of the brave Resistance and the Nazi atrocities. As it was, I often had to lay the book down, exclaim "Bastards"" to myself and then carry on reading (which livened things up on one occasion when Mr B mistakenly thought I was referring to Boys 1 and 2, locked at that moment in fraternal combat).

I followed up with this - an eco end of the world novel - gosh, I am cheerful. 

What are you chaps reading at the moment?  Any nice, light, feel good books you can recommend, to balance things up?

Now, it has come to my attention that my follower numbers are sliding, a bit like my ill-fitting jeans.  Right you lot,  remember, IF YOU DARE UNFOLLOW ME, I WILL COME FOR YOU AND SHOW YOU MY TROUSER GAPPAGE IN FULL TECHNICOLOR AND IN CLOSE UP. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.***


*wicked mother
** previous Ways Forward have included shirts and jeans, dresses, tunics with skinnies, gingham, leopard skin, monochrome, jewel colours, pastels, neon, colour blocking, nail varnish, full make up, no make up, tracksuit bottoms, pyjamas,  Converse All Stars, high heels, no heels, no knickers (not really, just checking you are still awake), brogues, loafers, UGG boots....sartorial confusion is a cruel mistress
***there goes another couple of followers

LA Woman

Hello,  my name is Mrs Blighty and I am addicted to all things leopardy, and that is why I have come to Leopards Anonymous.

The shops continue to act as enablers: everywhere I look there is leopardy goodness to be had.

I bought these little leopardy numbers as I JUST HAD TO. (Note to Mr B, Head of Austerity Measures, Blighty HQ - they were from New Look and therefore Cheap as Chips, so would have been a Crime not to buy them).

And I NEEEEEEED this cardi from Pure.  Need. It. Badly.

(Note: I think the other hand in the above photo is that of the chap the model is with; at least I really hope it is...)

And look at this dress from old Toppers (TopShop).

Right.  I WILL be STRONG.  I am off for a lie down and a look at the school fees invoice.
That'll calm me down.

Mmmmm, could really do with some leopard print silk lounging pyjamas. RRRRRRRR!

The Horrifying Return of Repetitive Dress Syndrome

Hello Dahlings,

I trust you are all well and looking forward to the weekend, except for those of you ahead of the rest of us, in which case, (not wanting to introduce a down note or anything), make the most of your weekend, it's halfway through!

First a housekeeping point: the lovely Janet of Gardener's Cottage asked me to do away with word verification.  I pushed some buttons randomly and hope that's done the trick ( if not, NASA: sorry about that satellite).  The wordster went out on a high note: Louise of North of Queensland was joking about Boy 2's refusal to eat much apart from fish and chips.  The wordster as its swansong came up with: "fried".  Excellent.

I've also had fun doing labels for the posts, but with limited success: if anyone spots "macaroni chees" (sic) lurking around, well, I don't know what it's doing there either...and just like my real life version of that dish, it seems determined to stay put...

Now, as the world is in turmoil what with cyclones and political change and economic worries, I thought I should focus on a really important issue: Repetitive Dress Syndrome ("RDS").   You may recall I highlighted this topic a while ago. That time the RDS involved  black and white.  Well, it's back and even more serious.  This time it's  leopard print.  Gasp.

Very old dress in leopard print, Karen Millen:

Much newer dress, in, oh, yes, leopard print from Marks and Spencer:

Top from Zara in pink polka dots more bl**dy leopard print:

Old dress from H and M in - oh god this is so repetitive, I obviously need some sort of counselling or at least sponsorship from the World Wildlife Fund (or World Wrestling Federation?):

Newer dress from H and M in familiar looking print ( a bit racy this one, to be worn with leggings otherwise will look as if Mrs B has hit on new way of getting money to pay school fees):

The RDS has even affected my accessorisation (top fashion word):

Another leopard top, again from Zara.  Right, I've had enough, this is ridiculous:

 (Unconnected anecdote: many years ago, in the law firm where I apparently worked, a partner came up to me, peered at my chest and said "My wife has some of those." To this day I cling to the hope he was talking about the pearls).

But have just thought of silver lining to the whole RDS business: Mr B thinks I am being super frugal, always wearing the same outfit...he may well suggest I go treat myself to some more clothes...

Repetitive Dress Syndrome

Report of proceedings in the Court of Appeal, R v Blighty

Polly Esther, QC for the appellant: "Your Lordships, I appear on behalf of Mrs Blighty who is appealing against her conviction in the High Court under the Sartorialist Act 2010 of dressing in a repetitive and obsessive manner and under the Road Traffic Act 2001 of knowingly or recklessly impersonating a zebra crossing in a built up area. Important new medical evidence has come to light showing that Mrs Blighty is suffering from RDS."

Bufton-Tufton LJ, interjecting - "Pray, what is RDS? Is it an opera?"

Polly Esther, QC: "No, my Lord, it is Repetitive Dress Syndrome, which is the uncontrollable and insatiable urge to buy the same item of dress over and over again. This has been diagnosed in Mrs Blighty by Professor Bill Amex, a copy of whose report has already been supplied to the court. I would also like to introduce in evidence Exhibits A - F.

Exhibit A - dress from TK Maxx, the appellant admits she bought it as it was cheap.



Exhibit B, dress from Wallis, appellant states she thought it would be so easy to wear and would not require ironing



Exhibit C - dress from Whistles, appellant maintains it was greatly reduced, therefore too good a buy to miss

Exhibit D - appellant just fancied it

Exhibit E - an early sign of RDS, from H and M

Exhibit F - the chronic nature of the appellant's RDS can be seen by the fact that it has reached her feet.

Wetherby-Fetherby LJ: "Thank you Miss Esther for an very informative morning. We will now adjourn to consider this new evidence and to have lunch at my club. Do you have anything else to add?"

Polly Esther QC: " I would like to point out that the appellant has been making strenuous efforts to overcome RDS and is making considerable progress, as you can see from the photograph below".