Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
cannot guarantee nut-free

Monday, 30 April 2012

Make Up Tutorial - Part 2

Dahlings, watch this only if you have already watched Part 1..

Must go, have to talk to Shurley about bridal make up...

Blighty xxx

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Mrs Blighty - Make Up Guru

Dahlings, as you know, I hate to be left out.  

 I have been spending too much time hanging around  make up blogs.  With predictable results.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Parental Concerns

Dahlings, I must admit to being a tad concerned about old Boy 2.

A few little things, nothing major...

At supper the other night,  out of the blue Boy 2 asks "What does "shat" mean?"
I started well (once I had finished choking and had a soothing drink of Bucks finest tap water).
I told him it was a very bad word and he was not to use it.
But then my big mouth kicked in and I got all explain-y:
" "Shat" is actually the past participle of "shit" " says I.

Boy 2 considers this for a second and then says:
" So it's one that doesn't end in "ed";  in our English lessons Mrs Collyfleur is always asking us for examples of ones that don't end in "ed" ".

How long before I get a phone call from the school?

A few days later Boy 2 is sitting at breakfast.

He peers at this fruit loaf and I can see his lips move as he works out the lettering.

"IRISH BUMCRACK*!" pronounces Boy 2.

Excellent. Now he's going be writing in those "describe your Mummy" pieces at school that " My Mum likes bumcrack."  I suppose it makes a change from " My Mummy likes shopping and wine. My Daddy works hard."

Finally Boy 2 and I have been much preoccupied over the Easter hols by his history homework, which was to write a diary of a Roman.   Which as every mother kno', means I have been slaving away over a hot computer while Boy 2 skulks off and plays on his iPad in another room.

Unfortunately the homework coincided with my reading this rather racy poem/novel.

I heard it being discussed on old Radio 4 and thought I'd give it a go.  It's very good, very clever, about an African girl in Roman London being married off to a rich Roman.  Not suitable for a 9 year's Roman project though.

I managed to keep all orgies, whippings and vomiting at banquets out of Boy 2's Roman diary.  But even then, the diary developed a life of its own. The writer, a rich merchant living in Rome, goes for a spin in his friend Marcus's new chariot.  Then they go to the baths together where they engage in some weight-lifting and wrestling, before rubbing oil into their bodies...noooooo! The whole thing was looking slightly homo-erotic.  I tried to redress the balance by suddenly giving the writer a wife, who just turned up from the country - but that made it even worse.  Why was she at the villa while he was in Rome?  Why had he not mentioned her before?  Does she know about Marcus?

Actually, having just read all this, I think the person I should be worried about is me.

Grape anyone?

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Mrs B - On Trend

Dahlings, you know how old Victoria Beckham is always carrying that baby around -Harpo - like some sort of uber accessory? (actually I must admit I love that baby, such a gorgeous grumptious little face).

And you know how old Beyonce now has little Blu-Ray?

Well I don't like to be left out....

Yes, dahlings, my very own adorable Mini - Me...

Now, suggestions please for a name (not sure whether it's a boy or a girl, I don't want to force any gender stereotypes on my sensitive little poppet..)

The person who comes up with the best name* will get an EXCITING PRIZE which I haven't thought of yet but will probs be a nail varnish in a dodgy green colour or Colin the Cheese  String (in fridge since 2009) and a couple of squashed mini choc eggs from under Boy 1's bed ..

By the way, while we are talking celebrity kids, do you know this?


*Rules: I will decide on winning name in totally capricious and unfair way; filthy names will get extra credit; my decision is final and my word law; competition open to all ; also I  totally reserve the right, should I feel like it, to give the prize to my friend K who gave Boy 2 the Mini Blighty and who lives across the road so I would not have to queue up at the post office to send off the prize which could be a bit tiring...

Saturday, 21 April 2012

The Easter Bunny Hops Off and Other News

Dahlings! Phew!  The Easter hols are over - Boys 1 and 2 went back to school this Thursday..Daphnes4Boyz like to ease themselves gently back into the term, so no sooner have you loaded up the 3 tons of sports equipment into the car and deposited it and boys at the school, then you are back taking it all home again fact in my case I was back at the school within 1 hour as it turned out Boy 2 had left behind his piano lesson* bag...

Here is a visual of our Easter decorations.

Now here is the real picture.
Robo Rat came courtesy of Louise in Townsville - gee, thanks Louise!! Louise sent a huge box of things for the boys, including Robo Tarantula and 2 huge life like rubber snakes.  The rubber snake had a not inconsiderable role in the school production of "Joseph and his Multi-Coloured Dreamcoat"** and now has its own Equity card.

We had fun over Easter - Lovely B and her daughter Lovely R and Lovely A came to stay for the Easter weekend.  We did a little trip to Windsor, it was biting cold, there was a huge queue all the way down  the street for the Castle.  The Queen was at home as the Royal Standard flag thing was flying but she did not ask us in for a cuppa.  One word: Republic.

Instead of taking a nice pic of the Castle for you all, I took a pic of a nearby clothes hire shop - it offers a free jacket with any kilt package.  Of course I found the phrase "kilt package" very amusing.  One thing about having the mental age of an 8 year old is one is rarely at a loss for a laugh..

The Easter hols continued long after the Easter weekend was over. 

To keep myself sane I fell back on my tried and tested remedy of gritty detective novels.

This quartet (known as the Red Riding quartet) is brilliant but not for the faint-hearted;  I don't want to be crude but it's battery and buggery all the way, and that's just the good's set in Yorkshire in the 70s and 80s and features police corruption and child murders, set against the background of the real life Yorkshire Ripper murders.  The four books  are linked, and I am hoping all will be resolved soon as I near the end of the last book, but somehow I am not expecting a happy ending.

Right, time for some more left over Easter egg.

*Dear Mrs Music Teacher, is it a good sign that after £300 of piano lessons (not that I am counting the cost or anything) Boy 2's only ambition is to play the Crazy Frog theme (what I know as the Beverly Hills cop music) as shown on YouTube?

** to make it more accessible to Daphne's parents it was re-titled "Joseph and his Missoni Knitware"