De Retour *

Right dahlings, listen up, haven't got much time before I meet Liz Hurley for lunch/zoom round Tescos etc.

Basically, it's been constant glamour and loveliness here: one very naughty dog, gallons of  mud, one chewed up sofa, two pre-teen/teen boys ("But I had a shower yesterday!"), me and my increasing resemblance to the love child of Norma Desmond and Blanche Dubois and  Mr B, trudging bravely on amid the chaos, hoping for a nice quiet cup of tea and a browse of the Hayter lawnmower catalogue.

Here are some visual aids:


Monty dog the Border terrier as a pup

Monty dog as he is now.

He is IN DISGRACE as, to celebrate  the very first night of our new kitchen floor*, he (stop reading now if you are of a delicate disposition) wee'd on it....and in a most cunning manner: having carefully studied the lay of the land, he chose a spot where almost all evidence ran away UNDER the fridge/freezer.  Nothing says glamour like crouching down shoving a dusting stick thingie under the fridge at 7am shouting, "Actually I hope it is wee, otherwise the freezer is leaking!"

Further visuals:




Mud as experienced as new dog owner during the wettest winter ever.

Bluebells in the woods.

Me grinning like a maniac, with 2 hours worth of make up and special lighting from the film studio (Norma, I told you)  in the lovely MaiTai's collage of ladies wearing their Hermes. Yes, I have caught Scarflet Fever,  a seriously bad dose...

Now, it's not all glamour round here, no, we also nurture ourselves intellectually and culturally:  I have a met a lovely lady while dog walking, she also has a Border Terrier, Maggie (she views Monty with cautious disdain, as he rolls in unspeakable substances or steals other dogs' toys).  Here is a visual of Monty and Maggie, he has a wolfish Jack Nicholson grin as he has finally managed to lure a girl back to his place:

Maggie's owner is not only a Border terrier wrangler, a practising psychologist and mother of two boys but also a newly published author of a thriller.  How impressive is that?  I have read it and it is fab, it had me totally gripped:

Scene  - the kitchen, one night, late
Mr B: What are these meatballs doing here?
Me: (head in book, totally absorbed) They are de-frosting
Mr B (sounding anxious): So shall I just leave them there?
Me: Mmmm, what ? yes.
 Mr B:  (hovering) But will they be ok, they are not in the fridge?
Me: (in ever so slightly exasperated tone): Yeah, they'll be fine
Mr B: But ....
Me: THEY ARE DEFROSTING LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!! UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEEK MEDICAL HELP TO REMOVE MEATBALLS FROM..
Mr B: ok, ok, I was only asking..

Yes, it's the sort of book you can't stop reading, and any interruptions cause resentment possibly followed by violence..

As a bonus, the thriller is partly set in our corner of the world in Buckinghamshire and there is even a passing shout-out to our local Tesco, what more can one want?

Now, to celebrate  compensate for my return to blogging, I am proposing a GIVEAWAY of a SIGNED copy of this book.  All you need to do is
 a) follow my blog and
 b) leave a comment below headed GIVE ME A FREE BOOK, telling me your most recent high glamour moment (either real glamour or my version of "dog wee under fridge"glamour).

All "entries" for the book giveaway should be made by 30 June, I will then write names of all entrants on pieces of paper and see which piece Monty dog tries to eat....that's definitely fair! Of course, if he manages to eat the paper completely we may have to wait a day or so before we get the result...anyone disputing the judge's decision can come and examine the results themselves.

Right, there are strange noises coming from the kitchen, think Monty Dog might be making further improvements to the kitchen floor.


* Pretentious, comme toujours
** Monty Dog ate chunks of the original floor

It was not me...also I appear to have turned into an Ewok thingie from Star Wars

Re-blog

I think I am coming back....soon.

As an independent woman of today I miss blogging, plus my mother (Grandma Whacker) said I had to.

The blog is a handy way for Grandma Whacker to keep track of our antics from her control centre in HomePerm* Towers.





There will be lots of this.

 

 

 

And not so much of this

(cos we is grown up now so it is not cool to be on the old relic's blog, plus our idea of the great outdoors is opening the window while on the Xbox)



And maybe a bit of this too

From MaitTai's blog, I am the one grinning with all my teeth

Plus I may just do one of those giveaway thingies that was all cutting edge in blog world about 5 years ago...



*That should get me grounded for a week. 

The Planned Post Is Now Toast

Dahlings, I had such a lovely post planned for today.  It was going to be so elegant, so stylish, so sophisticated, so so so...er...

It was going to involve a delicious discussion of eye shadow.  Should I embrace the new eye shadow shape or will I just look like a demented panda let loose on a paintbox?

Very mauve eye shadow look from Harpers

Gwyneth on cover of March's Harpers with
lots of blue eye shadow

Also from Harpers, some complicated stuff with eyeliner  going on here

I was also going to touch on scarves and discuss the fun I have been having trying to learn to tie them a la MaiTai.  MaiTai is the Goddess of Scarves, actually she is quite simply a Goddess, and she has these great how to videos on her blog. http://www.maitaispicturebook.com/  I have decided that remembering to arrange your scarf into the basic bias fold is Key.  It makes all scarves look better, even non-Hermes ones (sigh - note to Mr B: I have been terribly good recently in all sorts of saintly ways I can't quite recall at the moment, surely a Hermes scarflet would be deserved??  NO  - I DON'T CARE WE JUST HAD THE RADIATOR HOUSING THERMOSTAT MCWHATSIT ON THE CAR FIXED FOR THE PRICE OF A HERMES SCARF, IT'S NOT THE SAME..) 

I was going to show you recent scarf purchases. (Note to Mr B: sourced at my spiritual home, Bicester Retail Village and thus heavily discounted (FF 2011) and so begging to be bought, crime not to etc etc)

Fendi scarf from Bicester Village

Dior scarf also from Bicester Village

Lots to look at on scarf

Even a bit of leopard print

I was also planning on a little light discussion of brooches, with which I have become ever so slightly obsessed, ever since I first clapped eyes on Faux Fuchsia's bee and Chanel numbers.  And then a new blogger I have discovered, Mrs Exeter, posted a picture of her recently acquired Chanel brooch. http://dressingmrsexeter.blogspot.com/

I have sourced a few brooches but must admit to having technical difficulties re secure attachment and so things drop off me now and again, at my age I am just thankful it's only a brooch and not teeth or  support garments.

Bee brooch from Butler and Wilson, £28

BUT NO, ALAS, the whole elegant swellegant post has been DERAILED.
Instead of glamour, I bring you:

MRS BLIGHTY JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON A LOAF OF BREAD

 It's all the fault of the bl**dy bread.

I bought Kingsmill Secretly Seeded, seduced by its stealth health claims and the jolly little arrow proclaiming "no bits".

Ha! No way was Boy 1 falling for this: there was much muttering along  the lines of " most disgusting  ....killing me....poison.....toxic....bits...revolting"

This morning for breakfast he requested cheese on toast, which I lovingly made.  Since I had an entire loaf to get rid of, I gambled on him not noticing the Health Bread under 1kg of melted cheese. Big mistake:  howls of anguish from Boy 1. All this with minus 5 minutes to school run.

Suddenly I found myself picking up the whole loaf in its plastic bag and throwing it at him, while ranting about spoilt children; Boy1 deftly parried the incoming loaf missile and burst into tears.  I then grabbed the bread and proceeded to jump up and down on it, at the same time shouting incoherently about starving children in Africa, aware even as I did so this was not very logical behaviour.

Reenactment

Boy 2 then burst into tears.

 Suddenly I was overcome with Maternal Guilt.  I had reduced both boys to tears, even innocent bystander Boy 2,who was no doubt traumatised by sight of mother losing the plot; I had damaged his delicate little psyche. Forever. He would never recover. He was Scarred for Life.

"Sorry darlings, sorry, Mummy is soooooo sorry" I grovelled as I cuddled Boy 2.

Boy 2 sobbed a bit more and then explained that he was NOT crying  because of his mother's nutsy behaviour.  Oh no, our sensitive little soul was wailing for another reason altogether: the biscuit accompaniment to his Muller Crunch Corner was soggy and thus not providing him with the comestible enjoyment to which he has become accustomed..in other words if his brother was going to throw a hissy fit about the breakfast offering, he was sure as hell not going to be left out..

Balls indeed

If you need me, I'll be in the bread aisle of our local supermarket, testing the texture of the bread.  With my feet.

When Blighty Met Lousie

Just the other day I went up to London and met Louise, an enthusiastic and loyal commenter of Faux Fuchsia, who then kindly took an interest in my blog and now has her own blog, http://fromnorthqld.wordpress.com/
Louise has been on an amazing tour of Europe (check out her blog for details and great photos) and was just swinging by London so we got together.

You must all be wondering what Louise looks like. Here she is:

Isn't she just super cute and gorgeous? MaiTai devotees: please note the Twilly artfully arranged.

I wore black and white stripes, as usual, and popped a Manolo Blahnik-designed scarf on. Don't look too closely at my chin, I seem to have gone a bit whiskery.

Ha ha Mrs B, you and your little jokes. Below is the real Louise, in action at Libertys of London where we met up. Louise cleverly recognised me as I was lurking by the marked down greeting cards (I was wondering whether I should buy some birth announcement cards and adapt them into thank you cards but was worried that might cause confusion:" Mr and Mrs Blighty are delighted to announce the safe delivery of their new toaster, weighing 1.2 kilos, courtesy of Auntie Norah, both toaster and white sliced loaf are doing well...")

As you can see the real Louise is indeed super cute and gorgeous, with the most beautiful hair, naturally curly. I come from a family of straight, hanging limply down hair and so does Mr B, so I find curly hair irresistible. I am now in a position to confirm, having carried out extensive research (meeting Faux Fuchsia and now Louise) that the women of Queensland are very attractive. It must be the climate.

We sat in Libertys and had two coffees each and chatted for Olympic Gold for our respective countries, occasionally pausing to breathe and/or listen to what the other one was saying! It was such fun, Louise is very interesting and knowledgeable about so many things - art, archaeology, chihuahuas, boats, sailing, teaching, diving, travel in subzero temperatures to name but a few of her areas of expertise. We talked about our mutual blogcrush, Faux Fuchsia; we were like a couple of schoolgirls discussing the prettiest girl in the school - " Well, I actually saw her put her nail polish on " I found myself boasting.

Eventually we dragged ourselves out of Libertys, (still chatting so much that Louise had to go back for her umbrella) and toddled off down Regents Street. By a weird cosmic coincidence, Hamleys, probably the biggest and best known toyshop in London and the place where Boy 2 sourced the bushbaby toy that later become famous as Blighty (er, this is getting a bit overblown, no?), had window display after window display of the same sort of bushbaby toy.

These ones are Space Blights. (In fact they are called YooHoos; I was very excited to impart this info to Boy 2 when I got home; he coolly replied, "Yeah, I know, it says on the label, but I call him NubNub, it's a better name...).

After Regent Street, we Tubed it up big time (trade mark, copyright FF 2010/11) and landed up at the Victoria and Albert Museum in South Kensington. Where we had a blast, involving lunch, getting lost in the labyrinthine layout of the museum, looking at a replica of Kylie Minogue's dressing room from her something or other Tour and also seeing Dame Edna's egg and bacon costume (as Louise so astutely pointed out because Louise has pursued High Level and Erudite Studies in Fine Art, Dame E beat Lady GaGa to the food as clothes thing by years); in short I showed Louise the best that British culture can offer the overseas visitor.

Of course, as usual in all the excitement I forgot to take pics but don't worry, Louise has got it covered.

Before we knew it, the day had whizzed by, we had a quick but thorough rummage round the superior V&A gift shop. I might have been defeated by the Libertys greetings cards but I succeeded in picking up some discounted Christmas decorations, having vowed that one day my tree would be like FF's: never undecorated.

And then it was time to say goodbye, and we had only covered 5% of the issues we needed to work through, but never mind, because we had a smashing time. Louise, thank you for a lovely day and come back soon (but don't bring any snaks, promise!)

Sweet Charity (Shop), Sweet Love

Hello dahlings, hope you are all well!

As a style icon and fashion guru (ouch, just hurt myself laughing) I felt it was time for another outfit post. This outfit is inspired by My Life In Travel, a very attractive lady (also, incredibly mother to two small children) who has a real passion for fashion. http://life-in-travel.blogspot.com/

The other day she posted a pic of a new bracelet arrangement which I found very avantgarde.

So I thought I would have a go. The problem is, though, my very short paws. So it seems to have turned into a handcuff type set up. Which might give the wrong message. But look, I am wearing creamy/camel colour, Vogue tells me camel is THE colour for autumn.

Photo from Life in Travel

Photo from Life in Travel

Close up of Blighty's cutting edge jewellery and elephant belt; any likeness to napkins rings is purely coincidental

In other exciting fashion news, I visited a charity shop recently in the affluent commuter town of Gerrards Cross (Dr Barnados). Below is a Chanel number, priced at £200. Cor!

And a dress still with the tag on (Karen Millen) and a pink wool coat, Georges Rech, Synonyme.

Ooh, and a top from Dolce and Gabbana

Someone had just left a lot of stuff outside the door of the shop. Quite often it gets stolen before the shop opens, the charity shop lady told me.

Below, here's me trying on a Margaret Howell navy blue linen dress. I was trying to be all chic and MaiTai - the other day on her blog MaiTai posted a picture of herself in the most chic shift dress.

Sadly this dress did not fit me well and I did not want to pay more to get it altered. Also my lifestyle is not suited to dry clean only fabrics! From a practical point of view, I should spend my days in overalls or a shellsuit. But let's not depress ourselves!

Look what came home with me, ssssssh, don't tell Mr B, he is already suspicious : the evening of this unapproved purchase he came home to find me frantically cleaning the bath, loos, sinks etc, a dead giveaway of a Blighty guilty conscience.

But I have convinced myself this will look v jolly in the winter and can be worn with jeans for a casual look!

Meanwhile I seem to be stockpiling books from the library like a deranged librarian; soon more books will be in Blighty Mansions than the library and I will get raided by a SWAT team of highly trained combat librarians. NEVER MESS WITH A LIBRARIAN!

Below, this book sounds a bit like 84 Charing Cross Road, as it features letters from an English lady living in post war Britain to an elderly American gentleman. She used the letters as an escape from her everyday life, so perhaps the forerunner of blogging!

Below, all about one of the Kenyan Happy Valley set (a very louche lot), Alice de Janze. The book considers whether it was she who shot the Earl of Erroll. I am sure you have all seen the film "White Mischief".

My mother recommended the book below. The house Madresfield is not far from where she lives in The Cotswolds. Evelyn Waugh had an intense friendship with Hugh Lygon at Oxford and often stayed at the house, and Brideshead is based on the house and family. The Lygon family bought an inn in Broadway in the Cotswolds and re-named it The Lygon Arms; the Lygon is still there today, it's where we had our wedding reception. Mother is determined to visit the house, although it is not open to the public!

In other news, my inspiring quotes are not going down too well with the boys. They can spot an educational ploy a mile off. They are also expert in subverting reward systems, star charts and such like.

I heard this quoted on the radio. Zig Ziglar is some sort of motivational guru. But what I really want to know is: is that his real name? It's just too good!

Oh and here is random photo of Mavala nail polish, displayed in a small independent chemist shop in Gerrards Cross. I love this shop as it is an Aladdin's cave of all sorts of stuff. The guy that owns it used to manage the big chemist shop in Wigmore Street, London, one of those traditional chemist stores and again a real emporium of all things health and beauty related.

Mavala is about £3 a bottle, not expensive. Does anyone know if it is any good?

To prove my point about dry clean only fabrics being No Good for my Lifestyle, look what happens if you leave Boy 1 alone with toast and a jar of Nutella. Gudge City.

But I am not against chocolate, quite the opposite, I love it. The other day I bought this, I love ginger too.

But ever since, Mr Blighty has been in hiding, can't think why!

"Mr B, yoo hoo, I'm having some chocolate, do you fancy a bit?"

No, no sign of him, can't think where he has got to.

Turnips and Hermes

Below, crowded Kings Cross train station last week. Lovely B was about to take the train back to Newcastle. Kings Cross is not a nice station, especially now compared to St Pancras which has been greatly tarted up since Eurostar has moved there. But renovation work is underway in Kings Cross too. I was greatly amused by Elf and Safety announcements reminding us that cycling, skateboarding and rollerblading were not permitted in the station. So easy to forget and attempt a triple halfpipe on top of all those people. Bye Bye Lovely B! I felt quite folorn, but pulled myself together. I am a grown up, independent woman of today! A lady spoke to me as I was leaving the Kings Cross loos. I had noticed she had been glancing in my direction. I was looking quite smart that day: posh frock on and no obvious foodstuffs on my face. I prepared myself to accept the anticipated compliment graciously. "Excuse me" whispered the lady, "I think you've got your dress tucked up at the back". Oh god, a skirt in knickers situation. Lovely B, come back, I can't last 5 minutes without you, see what happens!



After this unsettling incident I took the bus to Selfridges. I had an idea of buying Mr Blighty some posh decaff coffee. This sign caught my eye. When did turnips become upmarket enough to be sold in Selfridges foodhall? Is there a whole department for them? No sign of any today, maybe not turnip season. Shades of Blackadder's downtrodden stooge, Baldrick, whose dream was to have his very own turnip one day.

Gosh, Baldrick's gone blonde!

No luck with the coffee but I noticed they stock Australian healthfood.

And that stuff Aussies are supposed to put in their sandwiches.

Good grief, has the world gone mad? £16 for tea? Miller Harris are better know for perfumes, maybe you drink half and then splash the rest over yourself??

After the heady atmosphere of the turnip department, I needed to get more down to earth, so I went to the Hermes shop inside Selfridges. I channelled the lovely MaiTai and tried to look nonchalant, as though I pop into Hermes all the time. The sales assistant was not fooled. He asked me to stop taking pictures - ha, too late mate! I ended up telling him all about MaiTai's blog, as otherwise I thought he might call Security and they would work me over in the basement. Worked like a dream, he was very interested and I wrote down her name for him. I think it is very important Hermes know what a fabulous brand ambassadress MaiTai is - before I discovered her blog, I never even knew I wanted a Hermes scarf, now I am getting myself noticed as a security threat in their store!

Below, sumptuousness of their bangles. Drool!

Tiger, tiger etc

Slobber!

The deliciousness of the scarves - dribble!

Below, I think these are called Twillys, MaiTai, help, need your expertise!

No shopping post would be complete without some nail porn. Selfridges stock OPI, good to know!
I considered buying Lincoln after Dark, FF has it. But there is also Lincoln after Midnight - maybe FF has this? It all got too much, plus more expensive in Selfridges than in my humble beauty wholesalers!

Below, very smart OPI set up but I am rather worried by the girl on the right, she seems to be pouring nail varnish over her body, very sloppy technique! The Nail Polish Hoarder would not approve!

Below, view of Selfridges from the balcony of M&S cafe, never knew the balcony was there before.

In M&S I bought Mr Blighty some clothes, since my coffee search had been fruitless and I felt guilty about spending money on everyone except him. Mr B used to be very designer, Armani suits and ties, Ralph Lauren, but Since Children he has scaled back, bless him, and hardly ever buys clothes. Most of this did not pass the Mr Blighty test of not looking sissy but surprisingly he likes the flowery shirt. Yes, Mr Blighty, don't be afraid to get in touch with your inner flower child!

And that is quite enough shopping for the time being! It was tough, all the eating, drinking, and shopping that Lovely B and I did. But I kept focused, kept going, there were hard times, gruelling times, testing and challenging, I had to dig deep. But it was worth it, Lovely B gave me an award. So proud!