And then my pants dropped off

 

Dahlings, how are you? I am pleased to report that our local Shorts Wearing Man is still at large, with daily sightings of him and his legs. I now have to sing a short refrain of "it's crazeey, crazeey, shorts wearing man!" whenever I drive past him, I just can't not do it. And  I am wondering what on earth will happen if it actually gets hot this summer - stay tuned for possible update on Crazy Naked Man and/or local mother drives car into hedge in state of over-excitement.

This week the boys popped back into school for a spot of learning before the next set of holidays.

To celebrate* I took myself off to Bicester Village (luxury brand discount outlet and my spiritual home).

Loved this dress but even discounted it was £££££

 

Shockingly, I bought very little. I saw a tweet a while ago along the lines of "My woman-ness is
broken, I can't shop" and I felt just like that, the pathos was overwhelming.

 

 

Marni

 

 

Loved the dress on the right but even discounted it was ££££££

 

 

 

Above and below Jimmy Choo

 

 

I came home with only liquid handwash and L'Artisan Parfumeur Mandarin eau de toilette.  When I told Mr B I had bought some mandarin perfume he asked why I wanted to smell like an ancient Chinese bureaucrat- ha ha Mr B, ha ha.

In yet another exciting new fashion development I have decided pencil skirts are the Way Forward** - ones in stretchy material, though, for comfort and ease of movement.




 I have decided they are more flattering for the older figure and also will eliminate the problem of  "accidental lower back exposure" aka builder's bum.  I have jeans from Zara which are cut too low. Recently the boys have been shouting "UUUUURHHHG MUM NO, we can see your bum, uuuuuuurh! !" when I bend down to feed one or other of the domestic appliances. It's not the kind of reaction I wish to inspire in young men.

I have taken the plunge and ordered these.  I look forward to returning them shortly. And to be honest, forget the skirts, I would rather hire one of these lovely, fresh faced, perky young ladies to come look after the household for me while I lie around on the sofa...

Zara - I clean your toilet now yes?



 

Asos - after I hoover I will go wash the car and then mow the lawn, ok?



Monsoon

In other exciting fashion news, Grandma Whacker has appointed me her personal stylist.  Move over Rachel Zoe (and stop making Skyler wear those hats): I am now Stylist to the Stars.  La Whacker is contemplating some Spring fashion purchases to take her through her many social  engagements.  We all know it will end in Marks and Spencer but in the meantime I think these jackets would suit the Big G very well.

Monsoon

In  other news I read this recently.





It made a big impression on me.  It's the true story of an attempt by the Czech Resistance in WW2 to assassinate Reinhard Heydrich, the Nazi Protector of Czechoslovakia and one of the architects of the Holocaust, and all round despicable human being.

 It's not a cosy read obviously given its subject matter, but I thought it was brilliantly done. It helped in terms of suspense that I was ignorant of this chapter of history; if you already know what happened, that might change your experience of the book.

 From reading the book blogs, I gather the novel is an example of "meta fiction", where there is a story within a story: the author recounts the book writing process and also plays with the conventions of the historical novel, telling a bit of the story and then in the next chapter revealing that he invented various details.  This has irritated certain readers but I liked it, I thought it was honest and made his account seem more trustworthy, not less, by showing that many details in historical accounts have been "filled in" by the author.

 Other commenters have also been upset by what they felt was the author's flippant tone and it is true he makes quips, but I found this understandable as a release valve: it helped to bear the horror of what he was describing.  I could not have coped with a highly charged account of the brave Resistance and the Nazi atrocities. As it was, I often had to lay the book down, exclaim "Bastards"" to myself and then carry on reading (which livened things up on one occasion when Mr B mistakenly thought I was referring to Boys 1 and 2, locked at that moment in fraternal combat).

I followed up with this - an eco end of the world novel - gosh, I am cheerful. 

What are you chaps reading at the moment?  Any nice, light, feel good books you can recommend, to balance things up?

Now, it has come to my attention that my follower numbers are sliding, a bit like my ill-fitting jeans.  Right you lot,  remember, IF YOU DARE UNFOLLOW ME, I WILL COME FOR YOU AND SHOW YOU MY TROUSER GAPPAGE IN FULL TECHNICOLOR AND IN CLOSE UP. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.***


*wicked mother
** previous Ways Forward have included shirts and jeans, dresses, tunics with skinnies, gingham, leopard skin, monochrome, jewel colours, pastels, neon, colour blocking, nail varnish, full make up, no make up, tracksuit bottoms, pyjamas,  Converse All Stars, high heels, no heels, no knickers (not really, just checking you are still awake), brogues, loafers, UGG boots....sartorial confusion is a cruel mistress
***there goes another couple of followers

Shoptastic

Unlike Daphne, my hair is naturally this colour..
Wearing my new spotted silk scarf from Phase 8 and leopard print belt from Zara

Dahlings, I really feel I have been neglecting my role as deranged marsupial style icon to the masses.  One cannot just leave it to Daphne Guinness.  But recently I have been sooo occupied with riot control, kettling and star charts that I have scarcely had time for matters sartorial.  Do forgive me.

Things have not been going that well on the clothes front. Remember the terrible skirt I bought on-line (now safely returned to the Big Warehouse in the Sky)? Well I have experienced another Nasty On-line Buy - ("Nob") - yes, I have had to invent a whole new word to cover this recurring nightmare. I present my latest Nob.

Dress X- Small from Gap, shurely shome mistake, which explains why I am doing the Monty Python Mr Gumby stance.
Nobs - will the nightmare never end?

 Last week I went for a little light shopping with two Mummy friends. We hit up the local Happy Valley Shopping Centre.

Of course, union rules provide that no mother of male children can pursue retail activities without buying some sort of sporting equipment for said male child.   So we found ourselves in the Sports Shop discussing the merits of size 4 bats versus size 3, octopus grips, knocking in (isn't this what got us into the union in the first place?) and oiling your bat.

Look at these prices - but these are for adult cricketers who take it Very Seriously

  

I wondered whether I should get one of these hats - who knew Philip Treacy sold off the peg numbers like these? 

 

Things hotted up when we went into House of Fraser.  Look at these shoes!  When did shoes get so high? And so fetishistic?

These and the shoes below are Kurt Geiger

The leopard and red ones are very understated I feel, for Minnie Mouse

Look close - these are bugtastic

The result of a plot between orthopaedic surgeons, insurance companies and personal injury lawyers?

The girlfriends and I had a laugh trying on lots of clothes and coming out of the changing rooms in fits of giggles - it was like being a teenager again...  I did not buy anything except for the spotty silk scarf I am modelling in the first pic in this post.

But you can't keep a shoptart down - this week I popped up to London and had a toddle round Oxford Street, ending up in Selfridges.  I spotted this chap by the Creme de la Mer counter, probably about to spend the fee from his latest movie on a pot of skin serum.

Mr Clive Owen

He looked at me with ill-concealed lust  failed to register my existence and so I had a good peruse of the OPI stand and bought this orange polish from their Summer 2011 Texas range.

  

On the right is the OPI polish, on the left  a polish from Accessorize in Starlet, cheap as chips but my goodness, it stays on like a dream

When I had finished annoying the OPI ladies by putting the polishes back in the wrong place (nail polish, bringing people together) and walked back past the Creme de la Mer counter Mr O was still there - bless, either he was lurking, hoping to talk to me or there was some terrible shortage of premium unguents for Hollywood A listers.. He was very tall, tanned and striking, in a dark suit.  But I just know he wouldn't have Mr Blighty's drafting skills...

I faced the ever hectic MAC counter at Selfridges and bought a lipstick called Vegas Vamp.

I hear that lipstick sales are up, an indicator of economic downturn; hear that Mr B? I am not spendthrift, I am an important economic indicator...

I like MAC - they don't take themselves too seriously.  I picked this lipgloss up a while ago - it's got a pic of Cruella de Ville on it, a true style icon indeed, though not dog friendly..

A few other things winked at me and asked me to take them home:

  

Orange belt from Zara

Dress from H&M - I took Piglet and his knitted vest from Winnie the Pooh as my style inspiration

  

Silk dress from Zara

 In fact it was only Mr Owen who did not to wink and beg to come home with me.

Just as well.

He would have hated my moisturiser.

Good Books, Fab Shoes and an All New Fashion Disaster

Dahlings, hope you all had good Easters!
 
Thought I'd mention a few completely unrelated things: books, shoes and my All New Fashion Disaster.

Books: I've had a really good run recently, largely thanks to recommendations taken from the Read All Day lady ( I know I've mentioned her before, she has her own book coming out soon, recounting how she came to read a book a day for a year and how it affected her).

http://www.readallday.org/about_tolstoy.html

Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson was about an uptight retired English major who falls for an Indian lady who runs the village shop.

 The Crazy School by Cornelia Read was a dark and gripping thriller set in a school for troubled teenagers. It's part of a series featuring the same female character.

 If you like dark and gripping, then you will love Sacrifice by S.J. Bolton, a completely over the top, twisty-turner thriller set on a island off Scotland.

Old Filth by Jane Gardam reminded me a bit of Major Pettigrew, just because both main characters are widowers I suppose.  Old Filth is sad in parts, as it features Raj Orphans - children sent back to England from India by their parents during the days of the British Empire

One Day by David Nicholls was an engrossing read: a young man and woman get together on their last night at university; the book then follows their lives on the same day each year.  I think Faux Fuchsia was reading this book during her trip to the UK last year.  It kept me sane on the journey back from Barcelona!!

Finally, a literary detective novel with a twist at the end which had me going back through the book trying to work out the significance of the last few sentences...

In other important news, I have found these fab shoes from super cheap shop, New Look.  As recommended by the girl at Wearing It Today.http://wearingittoday.blogspot.com/search/label/New%20Look

  And they are only £7.99 a pair - cheap as chips!  They fit the Blighty daisy tramplers like a glove.  I definitely have cheap shaped feet - years ago I had some Ferragamos and they were totally the wrong shape for me - they were meant for narrow footed Italian heiresses. I also bought, in my dark, tangled retail past, some ballet pumps from French Sole - 8 times more expensive and they never fitted comfortably.  These plastic numbers are much more suitable!

So I got them in red.

And in turquoise.

And in purple.

And in black. (Blighty's motto: if a thing's worth doing, it's worth overdoing..)

If they had them in orange I would have got them too!  Oh Happy Feet!

 

SSSSSh! Don't tell Mr Blighty.  He won't notice unless  even if they all fall out of the cupboard onto his head....

 

Now the fashion disaster. I was very taken with the Whistles Carrie skirt everyone has been blogging about, including Notting Hill Girl who has it in bubblegum pink and looks very fetching in it.http://nottinghillgirl.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-04-06T13%3A45%3A00%2B01%3A00&max-results=7

Notting Hill Girl in her Carrie skirt

I ordered a similar skirt on-line from Zara in what looked to be a soft peach colour.

The horror! It's nylon tights brown, as worn by bankrobbers..on their heads.

But worse than that: this skirt has CELLULITE!!  

I have no room in my life for clothes that mimic bodily imperfections. I can do those by myself, thank you very much.

Goodbye skirt! And get yourself some of this when you get back to Zara.

 

Barcelona - Retail Possibilities

Hermes on the Passeig de Gracia in the Eixample

Well, I have certainly got my money's worth out of our Barcelona minibreak, blogwise!!

What with riding on buses, dodging pickpockets and doing Culcha, there was no time for shopping.  But this did not stop me from keeping an eye out for retail temptations.

Mrs Blighty:  Oh look, Zara, can I go and check out if they have better stuff here than at home?
Mr B and Boys 1 and 2 in unison: No!

Hermes window

Mrs Blighty (tantruming) : wah! wanna look! wah! why can't I?
Boy 1: Mummy, stop that, otherwise you will lose a star from your star chart.
Mrs Blighty: Don't care about a stooopid star, wanna go in the shop!!
Boy 1: Right Mummy loses a star.
Mrs Blighty: Nooooo! please nooooo! gimme star back!! no fair!!! will be good, will go to football stadium and take an interest....
ETC.

Good choice of Barbies

 

Soap shop near the Placa de Sant Felip Neri (church with bullet holes)

Soap petals

Rose petal strewn shop in the Barri Gotic, Boy 1 marches right in

Leaf lady outside rose strewn shop

Las Ramblas, with stalls selling palms for Palm Sunday

Glove makers near our hotel in the Eixample

 

Loewe

More Loewe goodies

Lovely vintage shop in Barri Gotic

Think that dress at the back might be Pucci

The two girls on the left were Japanese and were so cute and stylish, they went with the shop perfectly

Boy 1 excited that his Nikes are featured in the window of the Nike shop

Boy 1 rearranges the display in the Nike store while Boy 2 thinks about his next ice cream

Finally I did sneak into a Zara.

Guess what?

They had exactly the same stuff as in our local Happy Valley Shopping Centre here in Bucks.

Zara top, available at Zara Barcelona, Spain and Zara High Wycombe, UK

Humph! That my friends is globalisation....