Better than a Subscription to Vogue??

Dahlings, one of the utter joys I derive from being a parent is the weekly school newsletter; taking into account the school fees, this is probably the most expensive magazine subscription ever, but well worth it for the sheer entertainment value.  So I thought I would reproduce a newsletter here for you, with a tiny bit of artistic whatnot, and of course name changing to protect the not so innocent...

Daphnes4Boyz “Getting On Down wiv a Traditional Educashun”

Weekly Newsletter – Spring Term 2011-01-26 
SPONSORED BY CLEARITALL NIT LOTION : "Spray it on fast, Get them Back to Class!"

Week 2

Reminders and Changes to Arrangements

Friday’s Disco – please note, skateboards and younger siblings must not be brought into the disco.
Music Examinations – boys involved are reminded to bring their instruments. No chewing gum for wind instrumentalists.
School Pick Up Times – parents are reminded that the pick up time for Year 5 is 4.15pm unless they have a younger brother in the school, in which case pick up is 4.13pm, unless there are matches in which case the boys should proceed to match tea, having moved their sports bags back to the changing room together with their school bags, provided they do not need to get Matron to sign any medication forms first; however, if they have clubs or prep that day they should move their school bags before match tea to their classrooms, unless there is no match in which case they should wait on the front step until collected by their class teacher, unless they have a younger brother in the school who is going to Late Boys in the library, in which case they must wait in the foyer and parents should park in the front car park. Please ensure younger siblings not involved in matches do not eat the sandwiches provided for parents of away teams.

Letter from the Headmaster

It has been a pleasure to work through the first week of term. So my staff have told me, via email to the Headmasters’ Retreat I am attending with my wife Maureen in Mauritius. We have been looking at some very interesting topics including mezzanine financing for school catering expansion, securitisation of playing fields and the tax advantages of moving Years 3-5 offshore.


Work is progressing well on the new ice rink and we hope to host our first ice hockey match later this year. The helipad should be back in use next week. Parents are requested to ensure their children duck when being dropped off.

I wish the boys who are sitting entrance exams this term lots of luck. Top tip: always have a clean handkerchief.

Picture from Down with Skool by Geoffrey Willans and Ronald Searle, copyright of the authors, see also fantastic tribute website for Nigel Molesworth http://www.stcustards.free-online.co.uk/

Finally, all boys are reminded that the school dog, Tooting, is out of bounds and under no circumstances are boys to feed him.  The boys caught giving him baked beans last term have been dealt with in the appropriate manner.

Pinky Arbuthnot, Headmaster

Request from the Director of Sport

Picture as before, copyright Willans and Searle

It has come to my attention that some boys are indulging in exhibitionist and sometimes unseemly goal celebration displays during football matches. Boys are reminded that skidding across half the pitch on their knees, performing robot or sprinkler dances or grabbing their groin regions and jiggling about are NOT acceptable. Parents are also requested to refrain from such behaviour.

Mr T Woods, Director of Sport

On-Line Poker Championships

Congratulations to George Osborne (Year 3) for winning the Under 8s On-Line Poker.

From Matron

There has been a case of nits reported in the School Staff room, please will all teachers check their hair, if applicable.

Please can Jeremy Plimsoll’s mother bring in lots of pairs of spare underpants, to avoid Jeremy being embarrassed by having wet pants. We are keen to handle his continued incontinence in a sensitive and confidential manner.

Lost Property

Ferguson, A. – mouthguard, braces, chewing gum, hairdryer
Allen, W. – 3 pairs of glasses, lost last term, saxophone
Smeagol S. - small gold ring
Blighty Major – rugby shorts, rugby top, towel, tracksuit bottoms, blazer, trousers, rugby socks, underpants, football boots, judo suit, Mexican hat, stick on moustache, recorder, tennis racket, hockey stick, house keys, mobile phone, hamster, tie, gloves, sunhat
Blighty Minor – Panasonic flatscreen TV, packet of Ready Salted Crisps, hankerchief (green)
Attenborough Minor – small chimpanzee answering to the name of Ernest
Wells, O. - sledge

Mrs Colpal, Matron

Picture as before, copyright Willans and Searle

Parents Society

Forthcoming Events:

Cake Sale (minimum contribution – 150 cupcakes/£500)
Disco ( skateboards and younger siblings welcome)
Rock and Roll Dancing Evening (in partnership with St John’s Ambulance)
Staff v Fathers Arm Wrestling
N Lawson and O Winfrey

Drama Department

Parents of Y5 boys are advised there is no need to order ready-made Tudor costumes for the forthcoming production of “Off with Her Head”; a simple homemade doublet and hose in gold brocade is sufficient. Mothers proficient at knitting are asked to volunteer to knit replicas of Hampton Court Palace and The Tower of London.

K Winslet, Head of Drama

Match Results

Tues vs St Alcatraz Football

U8A – lost 3-1
U8B1 – lost 5-1
U8D1 – lost 12 - 1
U8D2 – lost 24-23

Stallions A – lost 6-2

Pixies A – lost 15-10

Wed vs Cheltenham Ladies Hockey

U10As – lost 23-1 (match abandoned due to injuries)

Picture as before, copyright Willans and Searle