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Sunday 29 January 2012

Boy 1 The Teenage Years

Dahlings, long time, no blog! Disgraceful!

Here events have taken a strange turn and Boy 1 seems to have entered the teenage years, even though he is only going to be 11 when his birthday comes next week..

There were a few warnings signs - increased interest in personal hygiene for a couple of weeks which meant showers in the morning/pool of water on bathroom floor and a desire for body spray products.  I even caught Boy "I don't need a bath my knees are only a bit muddy" 2 surreptitiously spraying on some Lynx Africa under his pjs the other day.  (A friend who used to be in the Navy told me that the application of deodorant onto unwashed body is know as a "submariner's dobby", that's the kind of info my brain retains).

I could launch into a rant about childhood ending too early and the evils of advertising and consumerism and children being made to feel they need deodorising when they are not even whiffy...but the blog couldn't cope with an outbreak of earnestness...and  thankfully both boys aren't really that bothered, with body spray coming a long way down a list of activities where Warhammer, computer games, football, totally unfunny jokes about cheese and whacking each other on the head with Nerf guns take priority.

I did, though, find myself in Hollister in the Westfield Shopping Centre, London yesterday with Boy 1.  And what an unsettling experience it was!

We were on a mission to buy Boy 1 a T-shirt for his birthday. We located the shop, which was all decked up on the outside to look like a house with white shutters and tiles. Inside we found a warren of tiny little rooms overstuffed with kit.  And Boy 1, as if a switch had been flicked, got very grumpy and teenage with me.  He was so obviously finding me a total embarrassment.  Can't think why, I only said things like:

"Ooh, it's sooo dark in here, I can't see what colour that is, or the size, can you see the size?" 
"Oooh, it's so cluttered up, did you see I almost fell over that rail? It's a deathtrap!"

He almost died of shame when I pushed the stockroom door ajar to see what colour the T-shirt was I was holding..
And he got really narked when I said for the 50th time, "If you're too hot, poppet, you can take your hoodie off."

The shop was full of teenage girls and boys, both customers and sales assistants. The average age was about 16 ( and that's only because me and a couple of other wrinklies pushed the average up by 10 years).Gosh, I felt so old baggy and witchy, faced with a very pretty sales girl wearing a tiny little broderie anglaise top - why are teenagers so attractive these days?  What happened to acne and gawkiness and greasy hair? (oh, that was just me - thanks Grandma Whacker).  I saw another mother exclaiming about the bad lighting, and a very cross father shouting, "Right, that's enough, I'm leaving!"  It's the sort of shop that makes parents very grouchy.

But despite or possibly because of the parental disapproval, the stuff was flying off the shelves and I guess teenagers would be too embarrassed to return a T shirt which they thought was grey and then in the daylight turned out to be fluorescent orange...

It wasn't all bad.  We scored a couple of cool T shirts.
And I got to take this chap home.



To be honest he is not really my type, I hate a man whose chest is better developed that my own.

And as Boy 2 has just pointed out, he looks a lot like Grendel from Boy 2's Beowulf reading book.


Little know fact: Grendel only angry because someone nicked his surfboard and his agent never got him any really good modelling jobs.

20 comments:

  1. Hello:
    Oh dear, is the innocence of youth fading fast? Will the dreaded girlfriend be asked home to tea before you can put the kettle on? When did your baby become a young man?

    Thank goodness for the low lighting in the store....every profile is a good one!!

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    1. Hello Hattats, hope all well with you. I think we are still a long way off a girlfriend (crosses self) but just a couple of years ago someone described Hollister to me and it seemed completely out of our range of concerns, and now....

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  2. Laughed so much reading this, have had exactly the same experiences in Hollister - it is like the kids working there are slightly offended you have dared enter the darkened portals of their shop/shrine to sexy youthdom, even though they are happy enough to whip cash off your credit card. Never felt more aware of my lack of upper arm tone in all my life!

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    1. Yes Belinda, shrine to sexy youthdom sums it up sooo well, excellent!

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  3. hi blighty!

    i have only peeked into hollister. i don't think i'm allowed into such places.

    so the teenage years are upon you. i sure hope you keep writing your blog while they are in the depths of it. fun times, fun times, she lied.

    xo
    janet

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    1. i kept thinking the Hollister staff were going to ask me to leave ....this glimpse of teenagerdom makes me see why those with the money opt for boarding school - I need to start doing the lottery..

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  4. Blighty,
    Too funny and true. My youngest (10) was just directed to get deodorant for the play he is in and now my house smells like Axe Sahara Sand or something hideous like that. No he does not need it, but can't get enough applications! Of course my 13 year old boy, bless his heart, doesn't need it either yet and is totally indifferent still about the whole grooming process..

    Hollister! What an experience. Took my poor Mother in there at the holidays to buy the boys a T-shirt and thought she might have a seizure before we escorted her out. The darkness, music and smells were too much for her. She hasn't been back to the mall since!

    Love reading your blog!
    Kim:)

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    1. Hi Kim, I am totally with your Mother about H; I am still having post traumatic flashbacks.. so pleased you like the blog xx

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  5. I hear you Blighty! Sonshine is ZACTLY the same. Also 11.

    Hollister looks like a pub from the outside. The only reason you can tell it's an achingly cool shop is from the number of teenagers camped around the outside, texting. Probably to their friends INSIDE the shop.

    Embrace your status as Embarassing. That's all we are from here on in.... :-)

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    1. Ali, I was born to be Embarrassing; finally my talent has an outlet!

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  6. Oh I know - just the thought of Hollister and the other one in just off Regent Street (whatzitcalled - old age has fuzzed my brain) make me feel so tired! So glad not to have to go there any more :)

    Boys reeking of too much deo and aftershave (surely should be called before-shave, as in YEARS-BEFORE-shave) remind me of school discos! Is sweet Boy 1 going up a school this year, or in a couple of years time?

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    1. Dear Mrs E, once I had got over the shock of "Boy 1" and "sweet" appearing in the same sentence, I must say how kind it is of you to ask; yes, he is off to the local grammar in Sept, having stunned us all by passing the dreaded 11+.

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  7. Dear Mrs Blighty, Lovely that you are back - we missed you! Thankfully, Hollister has not made it to Chile but I hate the ubiquitous blaring and headache-inducing cacophony which one has to tolerate in Young Person's shops. Invariably, they want you to spend a small fortune on rags. I am a Complete Embarassment too. It was within living memory that I was once considered the most wonderful woman in the world... Sigh. Yours in sisterhood, Lindaxxx

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  8. Dear Mrs B - It was Young Persons' shops. See what an embarrassment I am! Lxxx

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    1. Dear Linda, as it is you, I am prepare to overlook this grave grammatical infringement this time, but please don't let it happen again! \o/
      / \

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  9. Ha! The one off Regent Street is Abercrombie and Fitch and trust me, you think Hollister is bad....They have the man on the bag at the door...really!!!......and mums and grannies queue up for a pic!!! There are teenage dancers and it's at least 80' in there and not to mention pitch black. The prices are 25% more than Hollister and it's like, 'mum, you can't even buy these outside London so we need it all NOW' Truly the seventh circle of Hell!!

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    1. Dear Anon, I feel your pain. But am quite interested in the man - pls send pics asap.

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  10. Bloomin Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister...whatever happened to Thomas the tank T's from woolies (only joking...ish!) Jack Wills is the same, all beautiful skinny girls...without spots! Only problem is with the beautiful decor, chandeliers etc you absolutely CAN see the prices!! They've just opened a lovely one in Chichester and it's costing me a fortune! So glad you are back, love your take on things....dog story had me in fits :) A South Coast Blighty x

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  11. Hi South Coast Blighty, so agree about Thomas the Tank, those were the days! Thanks for your kind words - I am still staring at suspicious yellowy area on carpet...xx

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