Well, I have to report that Boys 1 and 2 are once again on hols from that august country club with side order of lessons, otherwise know as Daphnes4Boy$ (you will recall that it was recently rebranded to encompass the dollar sign, to make clear its commitment to accepting all hard currencies and to make it more down with the boys, yo etc.).
Boy 2 went in on the last day of term armed with a hardboiled egg, apparently required for Easter egg decorating that day. It looked like this.
Imagine how impressed I was when he came home with this.
With this inside.
Yes, a completely undecorated egg.
IS THIS THE SORT OF ART I EXPECT TO GET IN RETURN FOR THE EYE WATERING SCHOOL FEES?
YES, YES, AND THRICE, YES.
Don't you see? That school is DOES NOT MISS A TRICK. It has cunningly turned Boy 2 into a Britart Damien Hirst type. His finished egg is a brilliant artistic conceit, an insightful post-modernist comment on the entire bourgeois egg decorating Zeitgeist, quietly devastating in its ironic banality.
Indeed, in reviewing "Egg" by Boy 2, the art critic for the Independent said it was "a brilliant artistic conceit, an insightful post-modernist comment on the entire bourgeois egg decorating Zeitgeist, quietly devastating in its ironic banality."
In short, Kerching (sound of cash registers merrily chirping): we all know how much old Damien got for his bits. And you know how his shark had to be replaced as the original one started to go a bit off? Well, I feel sure that quite soon Boy 2's egg is going to start ponging too. But no worries, I can just whip down to Tescos and get another (half dozen).
I have received a number of comments on the photo of moi above, expressing the view that I have had some work done on my face. I would like to make it clear that, although I have in the past used Botox, I have stopped. I did not like the way it made my face look, it made it impossible for me to frown and I once hiccuped and almost popped out an eyeball. As a
Any rumours that I have had a tail tuck or lift are totally unfounded too.