Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and cannot guarantee nut-free
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
One Of Those Days
It's One of Those Days when:
I oversleep; on waking I hear Mr B saying to Boy 2:
"Don't pull it anymore, it'll come off."
Whatever he was doing, and to be honest I would rather not know, it can't be good, can't it?
The living room floor has gone:
Dear FF, please send your Daddy or the Penguin as a matter of urgency, the cushion situation is out of hand here
I waste time watching an interview with Charlie Sheen, reading up on his antics and wondering whether I would like to come back as Sheen in my next life - he seems to know how to party, whereas me and Mr B get all tired at about 10.30pm and have to pretend we need to go home as it is getting too late for the babysitter.
My favourite Charlie S quotes:
"I couldn't keep up with him" says porn star after 36 hour cocaine bender with Charlie Sheen".
"Sheen is now out of hospital having suffered a hernia". Not entirely surprised. *
*Blighty in no way endorses substance abuse or romping about with porn stars; a cup of tea is a nice way to unwind and if feeling a bit like pushing the boat out, a rich tea biscuit.
Pic of Mr Sheen from Daily Mail website. His publicist has just quit. Guess the job got dull.
Realise I am absolutely freezing and heating not working; ring Mr B at his work who kindly informs me that after our colossal gas bill he has put heating onto timer setting, which can be summarised as follows: Boys and Mr B at home - heating on; Boys and Mr B out - heating off. Yes, I have put on an extra jumper, in fact I am wearing 3 jumpers and I am STILL COLD. Take by revenge on Mr B who has left me note asking me to pick up book for him from library - write at bottom "Sorry cannot do it, legs frozen." Re-jig heating and set it to tropical and play Bob Marley CD very loudly.
Mrs B's kitchen chairs under new daytime heating regime
2 ladies come to the door and ask me if I am interested in the word of God. They look as if they are settling in for the full doorstop conversion but I tell them Mr B is an atheist; one of them says "That must be hard for you." I consider breaking down in tears and saying, "Yes, and he doesn't let me have any heating on in the day" but feel that might be overdoing it. They give me pamphlet entitled "Would you like to know the Truth?" I want to ask why there is such poor mobile phone reception round here. Feel sure God has moved with the times and is a whizz at IT and texting etc. He can't still be doing the stone tablets and writing on the wall can he?
Derek the painter phones up to find out what paint we want in Boy 2's room; discover have sent email to Derek (Boy 1's teacher from last year) instructing him to do room in Dulux Orchid White, trade paint. Wonder if Derek the teacher has bought the paint yet. And will school add it to fees at usual uplift? Better switch the heating off, just in case.