Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Sunday, 17 October 2010

Email to the Headmaster

Dear Headmaster

I am sorry to bother you during your well-earned half term break - the two and half weeks of term have just flown by and what a lot you have packed in!

But I felt I must bring to your attention serious concerns I have about the kind of education your well-endowed institution is giving our boys.

I attach a picture of a piece of work Blighty Minor brought home recently.

Upon studying this picture I was shocked to see that Blighty Minor was not being given the classical education which I had so hoped would be provided.

At first glance the presence of the word "Hermes" is very reassuring. But on closer perusal one can clearly see a picture of some Greek chap with winged feet. What is the world coming to?

I do not want my son's head filled with this wishywashy modern nonsense! I expect Hermes to be taught in the context of a leading luxury consumer goods company with an annual turnover of around one billion Euros; I wish my son to know that this company is responsible for some of the most covetable and iconic brands. I don't expect at this stage that he would be taught the history of the Carre or how to tie a scarf, but he should at least be made familiar with the Kelly Bag, Birkin Bag and the Jumping Boot. How else is he to make his way in this world of ours?

I hope you will take my views under consideration.

Kind Regards

Bledwina Blighty

P.S. May I just say, the new helipad is looking splendid and congratulations on the opening of the Beckham Aromatherapy Suite? I was disappointed to hear planning permission was turned down for the nuclear processing facility, but the new plans for the Happy Holidays Kennels and Kids Hotel ( "Go Away Knowing All Your Little Beasts Are Happy in a High Security Environment") are little short of genius.

P.P.S. So sorry about the misunderstanding over the "Bring your toys to school day"; I had no idea that the Blightys Major and Minor had brought those contraptions to school; I do hope Mrs Rumpington is back at work soon, the A&E chaps told me they sometimes find bolas injuries take a while to get over. I know dear Mrs R will be sorely missed in the Ballet and Metal Work Department.


  1. hey blighty,

    you are the best. thanks for making me smile broadly this morning.


  2. Hi Janet, hope you are well, here it's dangerously close to supper/animal feeding time..Mr B has just advised me I will get sued by Hermes for Everything Infringement.. Free the Hermes One!

  3. Thank you for making me repeat out loud, several times, Oh My God. Oh My God. Luckily no one else is around.

  4. your posts are such a tonic...
    before your blog has finished loading on my laptop I have a smile, in anticipation of what I have become accustomed to expecting...which is sheer and utter amusement.

  5. Dear LPC, I hope that is a good thing; Mr B utters this when he opens our bank statement and in this case it is never good
    Dear Hostess - thank you, what a lovely comment

    May I just say I have the nicest commenters, I really do ! I appreciate all your comments, they are quality! thanks Bx

  6. Blighty, You've got style and I dare say Blighty Major and Minor will soon be following in your footsteps!

    Jeanne :))

  7. Dear Mrs Blighty, I don't know what I did with my life before I found you and the other very lovely blogging ladies. I have to confess that you are all a Very Bad Influence on me as when I was briefly at the Paris airport today enroute to Amman (more work) I had to go and have a look at the Hermes duty free shop and then I had to work out what the scarves were in US dollars. I will now have to do some mad calculations and see how far my travel allowance will go and whether I will get one on my return home. Do you think that a Hermes scarf can be counted an 'incidental'?

  8. Dear Jeanne, thank you!
    Dear Linda, you are such a jetsetter, did you like my reference to bolas? Very Latin American, in your honour!

  9. Your little boy could join the Divine Maitai and become a sort of Junior Brand Ambassador for Hermes!!!

    Niece FF is already one for Chanel (carries Mummy's bags, wears Chanel Fearls etc) so they could be twins! xxxxx

  10. Dearest Blighty...

    I have received your care instructions but sans Blighty Minors... I found Mr B's dinner in my parcel too- it looked delish but smelt bad. Can I send this back or shall I chuck it? I don't want Mr B to go hungry xx

  11. Blighty, I have just arrived home after a few days away and have laughed myself silly at the last two posts!! Genius!!

  12. Hello Blighty
    Returning home from holidays is extra sweet when I know my funny bone is sure to be tickled catching up on your posts!
    Swaying adds to the effect (sailing adventure you understand. Transition from sea to land leaves residual feelings of rocking).
    You are thoroughly mad. I love it.
    Probably because I am too.
    Ps. Top marks to Boy 2 for correctly spelling Hermes.

  13. B!.. It's Mr B's fault that the boys are not up to speed with the REAL Hermes. If he had only bought you the scarf, the handbag, probably even the boots, years ago, then your boys would have already been home-schooled on the CLASSICS before school managed to get it all confused.
    Even Arnie Boyle (chihuahua aged 2 yrs and 6 months) knows that Hermes is an accessory, not someone up in the sky chasing the cockatoos.

  14. Almost forgot..
    If Boys 1 & 2 love snakes do they like sharks too?
    We enjoyed (?) the company of three reef sharks circling the boat for several hours one evening.
    Apparently these darlings are harmless to humans but will get up close and personal to investigate. Hmmmm
    And one should wear an all-in-one stinger suit to prevent being stung by deadly stingers while swimming. These outfits are most becoming.
    Don't these creature tales from Queensland make you want to visit us Blighty?

  15. What a great email to the Headmaster. I despair over the kinds of things they teach our children nowadays. Nothing useful, that's for certain1 Thanks for taking up the cause on behalf of so many under-educated kiddies!

  16. Blighty you are the best - you always make me laugh! Please will you publish HM's reply back to you too? X

  17. Dear Mrs Blighty, Your post was very educational as I had no idea what bolas were. However, thanks to the illustrations on Wikipedia, I now fully understand why the image of The Blightys Major and Minor wielding these weapons of destruction would make any self-respecting headmaster go all cat's bum.

  18. Dear FF, if I were the lovely Niece FF's Mummy, I would not let those horrid Blighty boys near her - their grasp of personal hygiene is shaky and their conversation lavatorial

  19. Dear Sophie, I did send the boys but package got stopped at Customs, some nonsense about not being allowed to send livestock or rodents in the post; please contact your local Fire Dept about disposal of hazardous matter (Mr B's dinner)

  20. Dear Patricia, you are very kind, but are you sure you are ok, most people want to go away for a long time after reading my posts..

  21. Dear Louise, you are so right, it is Mr B's fault, he will be so thrilled when I tell him and suggest he buy me a Hermes item asap..

  22. Dear Anne-Marie, super jealous of your sailing, though can't complain, this morning boys woke me by bouncing on the bed which gave the same ocean-going sensation, and all without the expense of leaving home. The sharks sound fab, and I will buy a stinger suit immediately, I like to be prepared and the local swimming pool is a hazardous place, though do they protect one from toddler wee? probably not

  23. Dear Kitty-Cat, thank goodness someone else out there understands the seriousness of the situation, I feel less lonely in my important educational crusade

  24. Dear SE, no reply from HM yet, rumour has it he is at his holiday home on Mustique

  25. Dear Linda, i thought bolas would make a nice change from tasers and cattle prods? What does "go all cat's bum" mean? it's the sort of phrase I need to use a lot, partic in parents' evenings

  26. Dear Mrs Blighty, "To go all cat's bum" is to express disapproval mainly through the pursing of lips. It is a perfect expression for parents' evenings to describe the inevitable disapproval of other parents and some teachers to whatever is being discussed or proposed. I would, however, refrain from telling anyone except Mr B and maybe your mum that they themselves were going all cat's bum. It may seem very impertinent otherwise...

  27. It's impossible to go all cat's bum while reading your posts. Great expression, which I shall put to good use. Sitting here looking very Cheshire cat.
    I think I must have been at the girls' school run by HM - didn't get a classical education but had a good time!

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