And then my pants dropped off

 

Dahlings, how are you? I am pleased to report that our local Shorts Wearing Man is still at large, with daily sightings of him and his legs. I now have to sing a short refrain of "it's crazeey, crazeey, shorts wearing man!" whenever I drive past him, I just can't not do it. And  I am wondering what on earth will happen if it actually gets hot this summer - stay tuned for possible update on Crazy Naked Man and/or local mother drives car into hedge in state of over-excitement.

This week the boys popped back into school for a spot of learning before the next set of holidays.

To celebrate* I took myself off to Bicester Village (luxury brand discount outlet and my spiritual home).

Loved this dress but even discounted it was £££££

 

Shockingly, I bought very little. I saw a tweet a while ago along the lines of "My woman-ness is
broken, I can't shop" and I felt just like that, the pathos was overwhelming.

 

 

Marni

 

 

Loved the dress on the right but even discounted it was ££££££

 

 

 

Above and below Jimmy Choo

 

 

I came home with only liquid handwash and L'Artisan Parfumeur Mandarin eau de toilette.  When I told Mr B I had bought some mandarin perfume he asked why I wanted to smell like an ancient Chinese bureaucrat- ha ha Mr B, ha ha.

In yet another exciting new fashion development I have decided pencil skirts are the Way Forward** - ones in stretchy material, though, for comfort and ease of movement.




 I have decided they are more flattering for the older figure and also will eliminate the problem of  "accidental lower back exposure" aka builder's bum.  I have jeans from Zara which are cut too low. Recently the boys have been shouting "UUUUURHHHG MUM NO, we can see your bum, uuuuuuurh! !" when I bend down to feed one or other of the domestic appliances. It's not the kind of reaction I wish to inspire in young men.

I have taken the plunge and ordered these.  I look forward to returning them shortly. And to be honest, forget the skirts, I would rather hire one of these lovely, fresh faced, perky young ladies to come look after the household for me while I lie around on the sofa...

Zara - I clean your toilet now yes?



 

Asos - after I hoover I will go wash the car and then mow the lawn, ok?



Monsoon

In other exciting fashion news, Grandma Whacker has appointed me her personal stylist.  Move over Rachel Zoe (and stop making Skyler wear those hats): I am now Stylist to the Stars.  La Whacker is contemplating some Spring fashion purchases to take her through her many social  engagements.  We all know it will end in Marks and Spencer but in the meantime I think these jackets would suit the Big G very well.

Monsoon

In  other news I read this recently.





It made a big impression on me.  It's the true story of an attempt by the Czech Resistance in WW2 to assassinate Reinhard Heydrich, the Nazi Protector of Czechoslovakia and one of the architects of the Holocaust, and all round despicable human being.

 It's not a cosy read obviously given its subject matter, but I thought it was brilliantly done. It helped in terms of suspense that I was ignorant of this chapter of history; if you already know what happened, that might change your experience of the book.

 From reading the book blogs, I gather the novel is an example of "meta fiction", where there is a story within a story: the author recounts the book writing process and also plays with the conventions of the historical novel, telling a bit of the story and then in the next chapter revealing that he invented various details.  This has irritated certain readers but I liked it, I thought it was honest and made his account seem more trustworthy, not less, by showing that many details in historical accounts have been "filled in" by the author.

 Other commenters have also been upset by what they felt was the author's flippant tone and it is true he makes quips, but I found this understandable as a release valve: it helped to bear the horror of what he was describing.  I could not have coped with a highly charged account of the brave Resistance and the Nazi atrocities. As it was, I often had to lay the book down, exclaim "Bastards"" to myself and then carry on reading (which livened things up on one occasion when Mr B mistakenly thought I was referring to Boys 1 and 2, locked at that moment in fraternal combat).

I followed up with this - an eco end of the world novel - gosh, I am cheerful. 

What are you chaps reading at the moment?  Any nice, light, feel good books you can recommend, to balance things up?

Now, it has come to my attention that my follower numbers are sliding, a bit like my ill-fitting jeans.  Right you lot,  remember, IF YOU DARE UNFOLLOW ME, I WILL COME FOR YOU AND SHOW YOU MY TROUSER GAPPAGE IN FULL TECHNICOLOR AND IN CLOSE UP. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.***


*wicked mother
** previous Ways Forward have included shirts and jeans, dresses, tunics with skinnies, gingham, leopard skin, monochrome, jewel colours, pastels, neon, colour blocking, nail varnish, full make up, no make up, tracksuit bottoms, pyjamas,  Converse All Stars, high heels, no heels, no knickers (not really, just checking you are still awake), brogues, loafers, UGG boots....sartorial confusion is a cruel mistress
***there goes another couple of followers

Cool Britannia in Scotland

So we went on a minibreak to Edinburgh.

We did all the usual tourist bits. 

 

The boys loved the Camera Obscura, which has all sorts of optical illusions on display.

Boy 1 really enjoyed seeing Boy 2 like this.

 

 

This is the view from the top of the Camera.

I enjoyed visiting the Royal Yacht Britannia, now permanently on display at Leith.  It appealed to my nosy, looking around someone's house, side.

The Queen had a very modest single bed on the yacht.

And so did Prince Philip.

 

Life on board was very hierarchical, with different messes for the different ranks.  This chap deserves to be court martialled.

The yacht was a self sufficient organism - including a huge laundry for all those white naval uniforms.  The Captain had to change outfits up to 18 times a day!

Here are some views from Edinburgh Castle.

  

Fortunately for my ears and world peace in general,  I stopped Boys 1 and 2 buying anything in this shop:

 

 

The Easter Bunny says Boo!

Dahlings how are you? Feeling a bit sick? No, I agree, it couldn't have been the large Easter egg, it was definitely the side salad that was a smidge too far..

Here I have been looking after my neighbour's rabbit. A rabbit! Over Easter!  See what a happening kinda person I am!

I was totally the right person for the job:

I've seen Fatal Attraction few times.

I have this suspiciously soft furry jacket*.

And I have this useful bunny care manual.

I propped it up and changed the pages each day, to keep bunny amused.


Bunny was very cute.

Also smart - this is her reaction when she first saw me.

Bye bye Bunny, it was nice to meet you and remember, if you can't see your food bowl, it's probably because you have your hind legs in it...

In other news, I have set up a tweet gizmo at the side of this blog.  Don't miss my profound insights on life and retweets of stuff that makes me laugh. Yep, Blighty, at the cutting edge of technology, five years later...


*Relax, it's faux fur!

Mrs Blighty is a Twit and Other Unsurprising Things

Hi Dahlings!  Hope you are all well.
Still sulking about not getting that Pope gig?
 Get a grip, just having a pair of red shoes and a working knowledge of The Da Vinci Code was never going to be enough!

Here it is cold. Snow is still lying on the ground and small boys are still being forced to wear vests..

Melusine has started a blog http://idbedarling.blogspot.co.uk/ and did a lovely post here -so appropriate for this weather.

pic blatantly stolen from her post - to whet your appetite and send you over there, her blog is visually sumptuous...

This polish is still available - a Classic! I have it. Inspired by Melusine's post, I applied it to my paws. It lasted 6 mins before it chipped while I was doing some light welding making an omelette.

pic from Amazon UK

( In urgent Nail Polish News, I have decided classic reds and pinks are the Way Forward for a woman of my age...tune in next week to Nail Polish News when I announce that ombre nails, lime green and gold and turquoise stripes are the Way Forward..)

In other news I have become Completely Obsessed with Twitter; not the real celeb accounts but the spoof ones.

Here are some more I really like (apologies if you know these already).

https://twitter.com/Queen_UK



https://twitter.com/HonestToddler




Dahlings, let me know if you have any favourite funny Tweeters.
Really important I waste even more of my time laughing at incredibly rude tweets by fake Bill Clinton.  WARNING VERY RUDE DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU
https://twitter.com/PimpBillClinton


Slight problem is that I have them all mixed in with Serious Tweets - updates from Boy 1 or Boy 2's schools, the real newspapers, the hockey club, book blogs, and it's sometimes hard to tell which are which... like this one

schools emergency classroom threat list



Finished this book.

 Mr B read it before me and really liked it.  Took me a while to get into it.  Realised Mr B liked it because there were a few references to winter tyres.   Mr B likes a winter tyre angle in his literature.  He is a hopeless dreamer is ole Mr B.  In the end I liked book as very unflashy and well put together with interesting characters and a twist in the plot; quite a bit on legal procedure which I like (yep, I am a hopeless dreamer too).

I leave you with some fantastic pictures of Paris in the snow, taken by my French friend Monsieur
OM.  Paris always looks better than anywhere else, whatever the weather, n'est-ce pas? By the way, still loving Spiral 4 and Juge Roban...wonder if he tweets?  Wonder if he wears a vest?

10 years later

Dahlings how are you?

As predicted Boy 2 returned from his school trip and had the Tantrum of All Tantrums.

Maybe he is affected by the break up of Girls Aloud.

I know I am.

From the Guardian on-line

Girls Aloud is about the same age as Boy 2 -  I used to sit on the sofa feeding the baby Boy 2 (I know, TMI)  and watching Popstars the Rivals, which created Girls Aloud.  So I feel a link between them and Boy 2.

And I have lived it: the tears, the laughter, the arguments, the nightclubs, the footballers, the tattoos, the dodgy singing.. and that's just Boy 2..

In other news I am trying to understand the Harlem Shake meme.  This article explains it.
 here.  The latest is the sacking of the librarian at St Hilda's Oxford for failing to stop a Harlem Shake in the library.

In Haircare News, I have bought this.  Excellent for de-tangling.






And this.  To deal with the ever present worry of Colour Fading/Brassy Tones.

From look.fantastic.com

I know you all will be very relieved, my haircare issues must have been keeping you awake at night.


I read this. It is really quite horrid.  Only read if you really have to, and preferably on hols on a sunbed.  Not on your own, late at night.





I enjoyed this more - Linda in Chile has read it too.

I have done a new whatsit on my sidebar showing what I am currently reading.  I stole the idea from Mrs Peabody and the other book bloggers.  See, I wanna play with the grown ups too.


I am busy preparing for my trip to Paris with Faux Fuchsia by watching this tough French cop/lawyer drama, Spiral 4.

Spiral 4 - from BBC Four websiste

  I can now say in French "Shut up punk, spread them, it's the slammer for you" which should come in handy in Hermes (those sales assistants can be very uppity).



Juge Roban is my favourite character, he is very tall and thin and dinky in a very French way, and look at his hair, I bet he uses Aveda shampoo too.

From BBC Four website

Finally I am LOVING this Twitter thing - makes me laugh till I cry - the spoof prison diary of Chris Huhne (probably not of interest to non-UK readers, he is the ex-Cabinet Minister recently jailed for perverting the course of justice by getting his now ex-wife to take his penalty points for speeding...)


Bye for now, stay strong, Girls Aloud may have broken up but there is always One Direction....yes, quite.