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Friday, 18 June 2010

The Return of Tights of Death and a Surprising Discovery

Hello ladies, just when you thought it was safe to go back on-line - Tights of Death ("TODs") are lurking, waiting to get you!
These are cracking, a fine example of TODs. What was I thinking? The peachy pinky colour makes my legs look like uncooked sausages with nasty additives in them. Just because they came from TopShop is no excuse.

They are equally ugly off. Look, weird pointy shaped feet! And the stretchy lace material is harsh and itchy, with a horrid lumpy seam up the side of each leg.

I even tried to make them work by channelling Kylie in her "Can't Get You Out of My Head" video. Not a success I feel.

But at least I have outdone Kylie in the plunging neckline stakes, my plunge goes all the way down to my feet. Which makes walking difficult.

As if one pair of blancmange like tights was not enough, I bought another pair in the same colour. I thought they would look lovely with this TopShop dress. Instead on me they look vaguely surgical, as if purchased from one of those large specialist chemist shops.

The label on the tights says it all - I am a "soft touch" to take strange TODs home.

I was so unsettled by the TODS I had to play dress up, to restore my image as a style guru. Note my lions head brooch, all us fashion bloggers are majorly into animal head accessories. And see how I followed the lovely MaiTai's example by folding a silk scarf into a top. I think my colourful outfit looks very "What Katie Wore". Katie wears wonderful clothes in a very original and often quirky way, and is such a pretty girl. In fact Katie often wears vibrantly coloured tights or leggings but never TODs. She carries off her tights with great panache, due to her youth and slender limbs.

The scarf is Kenzo. I like it a lot, not least as it came from the Oxfam charity shop (ever the bargainista).

Finally, look at this, found at the bottom of the bed!

I picked him up at the airport in Sweden years ago and took him home with me - what can I say, I was single at the time, with a weakness for Scandanavians. His name is Anders and he still likes to keep in touch. Mr B is very understanding. The other night Anders and I sat up late drinking Aquavit and talking about the old days; I don't remember anything after that, but it must have been a wild night for him to end up in that state, with my Pervo Glove entangled round his antlers. Life really is full of surprises.

Have a nice weekend everybody and stay away from Aquavit (and moose)!


  1. I love your TOD posts! I do not get OPI from daughter but I do get tons of Chanel truck.

  2. You crack me up...marvellous!

  3. hi blighty,

    i have those same tights in black. equally awful. what are pervo gloves? i think i want to know.


  4. Bargainista is the new black. I am taking this to heart this season.... er possibly next credit card cycle?

    I am seriously considering forwarding a motion that we do Mr TOD posts - that is Ties Of Death.

    There are many out there and they secretly like the attention. The ties not the Mr-s.

    SSG xxx

  5. Terrible TOD as you say - but interesting to view your feet and ankles. Your ankles are top, so slim! And your toes are pointy - not a ballerina's stubby shape (aka mine). Think you should concentrate on nail varnish (pretty or mad) and open-toed shoes for the summer. Take the TODs to Oxfam with at least one M&S item and you will receive a £5 M&S voucher. (NB - Big hint. Take stuff to Oxfam at beginning of the month as the coupons are dated to be valid for just one month.)

  6. One of these days a scientist will be given a large grant to research why women buy awful tights we don't actually like.
    I suspect dodgy tight/legging purchases are hormone driven.
    So glad Anders found the missing pervo glove, has he seen my wayward sock?
    Such a funny post today Blighty, thanks for the giggles :):)

  7. TOD and they blush...glad to see you've cracked the case of the missing glove.
    Anders must be a great listener...even if he is a bit "stuffy"
    Have a fun weekend...

  8. Once upon a time,
    when I was in Grade 12, and we'd all finished our exams, the teachers organised a series of 'adults' to come and speak to us about their lives and careers. Presumably, to spur us onto Greatness.

    One of the speakers was Sarina Russo, a local business woman/entrepeneur.

    I remember sitting there listening to her go on-and-on about how she'd come from nothing and built herself into something; how she had a Porsche or a Mercedes or a thoroughbred racehorse or something just outside in the school's driveway; how she wore designer clothing everyday, and that impressions were everything etc. etc.

    All the while, she had a great, big, bloody ladder in the back of her tights.

    It was all I could think of. I couldn't take my eyes of it. I wish I'd put my hand up and said something.

    Blighty, I don't think you'll ever get a ladder in your tights.

    The end.

  9. Just about to post a comment and I see the one above and am very jealous 'tons of Chanel truck' - lucky Deb...!!!
    Anyway, Blighty, I have to say I do agree they are quite high up in the TODs league table - you do make me laugh -"legs looking like uncooked sausages with nasty additives" but you are redeemed by the very amazing bargain Kenzo scarf. A great weekend to you. x

  10. I really like getting all your comments, thanks for taking the time - you do realise it just encourages me, don't you?
    Debs - Chanel, more details please, you can't just mention Chanel and then leave us all hanging!!
    Dash - thank you! Did you see my comment on your bloggie about the lifts in the hotel? So envious you stayed there!
    Janet - pervo gloves are those white cotton gloves you are supposed to put on at night, after you have slathered your hands in handcream; Mr B got such a shock the first time I put them on, he gave them this name (but I think he was secretly quite excited)
    LPC - isn't the colour just so odd?
    SSG - oooh, Ties of Death, great idea!
    Elegance - you are very kind, but to be honest, I do have very odd toes, Boy 1 calls them my pobby toes; he describes my bottom as "flappy"; that's him written out of my will for a start. Am now trying to do no tights for summer, but the weather is so unpredictable, isn't it, now it is cold again today. I have decided leggings and tunics are the way forward! I love Oxfam and other charity shops, I have picked up some fab stuff there, but also a while ago brought home The Jacket that Smelled - uuuugh!
    Hostess - Anders says hi!
    Anne-Marie - I think you are right, it must be hormones, sometimes I go shopping and NEED mauve, can't get enough mauve and come home with 7 items all mauve..then next day realise it was a horrible mistake and was PMT driven;
    Make Mine Mid - sorry but the other day I had a cracking ladder down the front of my black Wolfords, had to take boys to school in them, pretended I was doing rockchick look but failed, just looked like dishevelled middle aged woman on verge of breakdown. Which is what I am. Made note not to blow money on expensive tights again.
    Semi Expat - and I bought 2 pairs the same yucky colour - obviously felt I needed sausage look back up. Terrifying.

  11. You are very funny! Have a gorgeous weekend! x

  12. Your op shop is better than mine- we would never have Kenzo. When I go to a charity shop the grave robbers have always just been there previously and made off with all the superior designer clobber.

    Been at the beach.

    Must unpack. After a soothing cocktail of course xxxxx

  13. I read this post when on the tram ( and so on silly iphone thingy- so the pics are v small)....and my first reaction was oh no!!! Blighty's got the pox or scarlet fever or some other Dickensian illness...what is wrong with her legs??? Was relieved it was only the TOD's

  14. My sympathies on your TOD. I love tights (am hesitant to embrace leggings though) and am lucky enough to have never experienced the horror of Tights of Death. I have experienced Tights of Jaundice though, but they were remedied by layering over other tights. phew!

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