Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
cannot guarantee nut-free

Sunday, 13 June 2010

The F word, Pervo Gloves and my new role model

We are not mentioning the F word this morning in the Blighty household: the England v US football match last night did not go according to plan, Boy 2 in particular was beside himself with fury at England's performance and had to be put to bed quite firmly by his manager/mother.

It was a very English sort of affair, early promise followed by awful fumbling. At least it gives us the opportunity to indulge in the self-flagellation so enjoyed by the English, with Mr B helpfully citing statistics showing that England is the most consistent country in the penalty(bottling of)department. There were compensations: I noticed a US player called Buddle which I found inordinately amusing. I wondered if his daddy was an accountant and so could run ads along the lines of "Accounts in a muddle, Call in Buddle!". I also suggested Buddle (as a contraction of Bl**dy Muddle) as a new pet name for Boy 1 but he indignantly said he would prefer Zorg the Mighty Pants Destroyer.

The other bright spot for me personally was Stephen George Gerrard removing his shirt at the end of the game, but coverage was very fleeting and there was not enough analysis of this particular aspect of the game. We always refer to his name in full ever since Boy 1 and Boy 2, having been given a fanzine packed with exciting footie facts, chanted "Stephen George Gerrard" non-stop on a 20 minute car journey. They were either in the throes of starting a cult or it was just step 207 in Drive Mummy Mad (plan B).

I was quite unsettled by the football and so took refuge in the wonderful world of the Nail Polish Ladies and I noticed the superior condition of their hands. Inspired, I went to bed wearing handcream and what Mr B kindly refers to as my Pervo Gloves. (The first time I wore them during the great pre-wedding self-improvement push of 1998 he fell out of bed laughing, he really has no grasp of handcare at all).

Now ladies, this is where I need your help. When I woke this morning, one glove had completely vanished. As ladies of great wisdom and savoir faire please let me know what has happened, answers on a postcomment please!

My own theory is most disturbing: yesterday we all went to the most lovely cricketing/barbecue affair. The food was scrummy. The puddings included the most delicious meringues - is it possible in my sleep that I thought I was eating a meringue and ate one of my Pervo Gloves? This is too chilling. Mr B has his own theory - I sent my glove to the poor England goalkeeper to assist in firm ball control. But this is just too silly. Please ladies, I need your insights!

Finally, I have noticed that many blogs mention wonderful, inspirational characters the blogger has met or is lucky to count as a friend. Never one to be left out, I am thrilled to introduce to you a lovely lady I met at yesterday's party. She is a fantastic mother, and also very committed to the benefits of natural, mud-based skincare. Definitely my kind of role model.


  1. Hey Blighty we have identical jewellery, are you my twin?
    I never remove my bangles which annoys the living daylights out of DH if I get into bed after he's asleep and proceed to vigorously apply my handcream with said bangles of course jingling away for all their worth.
    Now, I have a 'socks covering copious amounts of footcream' thing happening and yes it's a devil when one of the slippery suckers goes awol.
    LOL at Mrs Piggy!!

  2. Dear Anne- Marie, thrilled to hear you have the same bangles, I never take them off because getting my hands through them is not easy and life is too short, Mr B quite likes the jingling, he uses it as a remote tracking device and can find me when I am wasting time rearranging my shoes etc when I should be making lunch..Isn't Mrs Piggy fab? Maybe my glove has run off with your sock? Bx

  3. I never remove my bangles and love your Old Sow that you've transformed in a Silk Purse ( or her ear at least).

    I ate some smoked trout today and thought "when will B do an Old Trout Post?" Time to action same I think.

    Am up til midnight when my sister arrives from Honkers. Have the red wine at the ready and simmering the osso bucco for a late late supper.

    Love and kisses to Mr B. xxxx

  4. Also cannot find the Antonia Pinter book for love nor money. Desperate!

  5. Hi Blighty, You are too funny! Your blog is really one of my faves. Sorry to hear the game didn't turn out quite as planned. And that shirtless athlete coverage was scarce.
    I wonder if your Alter Ego/Top Model/Fashion Muse to the Stars, the Bushbaby (Jub Jub? Is it?) might have something to do with the disappearance of a singular white 'Pervo' Glove? In an attempt to channel Michael Jackson circa his sequined Balmain Jacket and Lone White Glove era? I'd look into it. And please report back with photographic evidence should that be the case. Xx

  6. Hello Blighty dear - well, that was a bit of waste of time says Mr SE getting up at 4.30am -what was happening? - actually when he did get back to bed he muttered something about me being a better goalie for England! Ha Ha !! So where is your glove ? Maybe it is with all the lost socks pile from the laundry - you know, those ones that never seem to find their mates... And I laughed so much at your spotted pig friends! x

  7. SGG moment was highlight. I wish I'd only lost a hand glove. frankly I lost my marbles and thought I could on world problems and solve them via twitter. It was a rather UK centric theme. Still I'd made a good Eton Mess earlier so perhaps my mind was muddle with that not the cheap wine someone had brought round. Could you address this issue - the bringing of crap wine.

  8. Bighty, you are too funny! Hope you find that missing glove soon. Looks suspicious to me. Love your piggy friend too. Sorry about the football thing as well.

  9. Hello Blighty
    Cannot help re gloves. I wear cotton ones and they get lost in the bed too. Fortunately, I have never eaten one because. We call them the late Michael Jackson look here on account of my waking up only with one glove on.

    I too am awaiting a relevant angle of World Cup coverage. We need more panning shots to players separated from their shirts. Or at least, footage of the WAGs.

    SSG xxx

  10. Hello Blighty,
    Shame about the match - I found it very stressful to watch but not as stressful as my brother who lives in the States and was the only Brit at the 'soccer party.' Good job I sent him that lovely nylon England flag. Edson Buddle - sounds like a cartoon character! Re: the missing Pervo Glove, could Maradona have stolen it to hide the hand of God?

  11. Not as stressful as Australia-Germany. What a waste of a 4am start to the day. We are all in mourning... what a disaster. Hasn't taken the media long to slaughter our coach. All my bed socks etc end up tucked up in the fitted sheet and only emerge after the next wash. Good luck! A-M xx

  12. Mr Mouse and I watched a little 'soccer' last night and found ourselves swatting each other...we thought we had been invaded by mossies/blow flies.......annnnoooyiiiing.
    FF- you can pre order it on amazon but it won't be available til November........god knows why

  13. You are quite hilarious, and obviously live in a crazy alternate world in your head which sees the humour in everything! Good on your self-deprecating you!

  14. My doctor favours those gloves for rummaging in most unfavourable places - have you checked poor Mr Blighty over for that missing glove?

    We got up at 4.30am for Australia vs Germany well that was a few bed hours I will never get back.


  15. Check in between the bed and the bed slats. Who knows.

    That piggy-wig sure knows how to be a good mama. I'm sure there are many who could learn a lot from her.

    Talk of world cup is banned in our house. Luckily Mr Kitty is not a football fan so we should be fine not discussing the travesty of this morning. Good luck in the next match.

  16. Dear ladies, thanks for all your helpful suggestions about whereabouts of glove. Anon - your one about the doctor, I think that's why Mr B calls them Pervo Gloves. Also really enjoyed Bushbaby Michael Jackson (Rosie) and Maradona (That's Not My Age) The hunt continues, but there are some places I refuse to look. Bx


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