Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
cannot guarantee nut-free

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Chaotic and random post

A revived Blighty, in H&M leopardskin scarf arrangement and "vintage" bling from Crooks and Nannies
Only week 2 of boy hols and already I feel out of control. Not helped by my recent malaise (posh way of saying feeling pukesville). But you can't keep a Blighty down! (Actually there is nothing more I would like than to lie languidly in crisp white sheets and recover my strength, but first, my sheets aren't up to it and secondly, I am a Woman, which we all know means getting on with it, Come What May. I am reminded of that Monty Python sketch where a stiff upper lip soldier is attacked in his tent overnight by a tiger. In the morning one of his legs is missing, eaten by the tiger. But he stoically insists it's just a mosquito bite or scratch. I feel women all over the world take the same line daily, I have heard of mothers going to school Nativity plays whilst suffering from pneumonia, for example).

The whole holiday thing seems to be turning into an exercise in Advanced Logistics. I feel I need a campaign room with green table, map and miniature figures as in old WW2 films:

0900 hours Boy 1 and friend to Sailing Course; Boy 2 to Legoland

1600 hours Boy 1 and friend to swimming pool, Boy 2 still in Legoland and refusing to leave
1800 hours Boy 1 and friend home for tea, Boy 2 still refusing to leave Legoland

1900 hours father of Boy 1 friend arrives to collect son

1900 hours +1, Boy 2 arrives home from Legoland

1900+2 Wardrobes R US executive arrives to measure up for wardrobes in boys' rooms; I insist on calling him Cliff though actually his name is Steve

2100 Exhausted Boy 2 gets in bed while Cliff/Steve still measuring up in his room
2100+30 Catch Boy 1 creeping into kitchen and shout him back to bed

2200 Cliff/Steve finally departs having told me his wife doesn't like camping (is this the outdoorsy version of "my wife doesn't understand me"?)

2200+1 I water garden and side gate slams locking me out

2200+ 2 I cunningly remove flipflop and use this to lever open latch
2200+15 Boy 1 tries out Sailing Pre Capsize Exercise Anxiety but is bustled back to bed, again

2200+ 30 Mr B arrives home from work, he looks wistfully towards fridge and I shout at him that the kitchen is now closed..

Gratuitous picture of rose and er, other thing, S, if you are reading this is the rose you and S gave me, it's lovely, thank you!

And all round me are signs that things are Out of Control.

The evil pile of mending, sneering at me

I pulled myself together and resolved to deal with things.
I decided a visit to the stationery shop to source files was needed, yes, my life will be filed, ordered, tidied, under control! I bought this very swish file.

And these files, for boys' holiday work (Ha! I have outlined an ambitious programme of maths exercises, the extent of my fantasy world is awe-inspiring).

But after the stationery shop those wretched aliens intervened once again ( the same ones that kidnap me and force me to go shopping when the Mountain of Ironing needs to be scaled).

I found myself in a little junk shop I know called Nooks and Crannies, which I have now renamed Crooks and Nannies (crooks, well we won't go there; nannies, as there was a really nice young American nanny/au pair in there doing a great job of keeping her charges under control and entertained whilst herself having a life saving break from park/finger painting/potty training etc).

Tray of brooches at Crooks and Nannies, delish!

Above, miniature tea set from Crooks and Nannies, used to keep Schmutter ClutterBelow, ginger jar from C and N, v FF me thinks!

When I got home the aliens brainwashed me and told me to ignore the washing, mending, underpants crisis, shirt button deficit, kitchen bin surplus, etc. No, I needed first to deal with a recent, serious problem I have run into.

I was going to call it Varnish Duplication but the acronym is rather unfortunate (always felt sorry at school for Victoria Dunlop who had no middle name). So I will call it the Compulsively Lavish Acquisition of Polish instead, much better.

Yes, doing swatches of nail colour! The checkout lady at the supermarket the other morning who was wearing some very nice OPI (she couldn't remember the name) (nail varnish, bringing people together!) told me she does this as she is big varnish fan and takes her chart with her when shopping to avoid duplication. Brilliant! An excellent housework avoidance strategy too!

Right, must go, 1100 hours, time for Mandarin for Beginners.


  1. It's a HOSTA!!!!! A HOSTA plant!!! It likes SHADE! God you need me. Maybe as, I don't know, a freeloader, I mean HOUSEGUEST.

    Meanwhile some random thoughts:

    love the leopard print on the teddy bear.

    love the polish swatches.

    love the blue and white lamps.

    STAY CALM. x

  2. PS I demand to be taken to Crooks and Nannies.

  3. Dear God in Heaven.

    That hosta needs some MULCH!!!!!!!!! Is that (crosses self) BARE FRIGGING EARTH?????

    Blighty. Please. Are you trying to kill me? You need some MULCH. The next thing you'll reveal is that that you don't feed your roses.

  4. Hooooray, Blighty's back online again. Ooops, no, I'm back online again, reading Blighty, you've been there all along. I've missed the fun of Blighty but catching up on a missed week of Blighty is fabulous!
    Re: Nail Polish, While on my ski holiday I've finally done an FF and painted my nails - Chanel Particulaire no less. Tonight Mr Louise said, "What the fire trucking god awful nail polish have you got on?" Do you think Mr FF would ever do this, or Mr Blighty??

  5. FF - what do roses eat? I imagine smoked salmon and champagne, isn't that rather expensive? Not only do I have bare earth, I also have this dreadful weed thing called ground elder, forms horrid network of roots; Hosta - as in Hosta La Vista Baby! The Arnold Schwarzenegger school of gardening..
    Louise - Mr B just would not notice my nails, I could walk round without my top on and he would just ask for a cup of tea..

  6. omg you kill me Blighty. Just love this random and chaotic post covering everything from roses to acronyms.
    Firstly, you are looking much better my dear, leopard scarf is fab.
    All women should be baptised with the middle name Stoic, comes into it's own especially during school break.
    You have been warned. FF on her way so better order that truckload of mulch.
    Good luck with filing, mending, army manoeuvres etc. Extra precision needed due to school hols.
    Great idea regarding the varnish chart, am off to acquisition one. I truly need it after purchasing yet another OPI pink recently then discovering I've committed V.D/C.L.A.P.
    How many days remain till start of term?

  7. Blighty, thanks for the husband, nail polish update. I don't know which is better?
    And after FF's incredibly insightful and knowledgeable comments about your gardening, I have FINALLY summoned up the courage to put a comment on her blog. (I think she must really be triplets, masquerading as one woman).

  8. Dear Blighty you are awesome and make me laugh :)
    I have my first video feature up on my blog now! The video contains extreme levels of excitement!

  9. Love the Shoes, Love the Bag, Love the Hat - Love it ALL!

    Sorry this is a favorite quote of my dim witted husband but I felt it to be appropriate as my first comment on your blog - can't wait to read more.......

  10. Hee hee Blighty, FF is right... you need some sugar cane mulch! We are obsessed with it here in QLD. (Also, everywhere you go there are bags of horse poo on the road for $2.) Surely there is similar there in Bucks, although maybe English soil is packed with necessary nutrients & moisture anyway?
    Hope you are feeling better. Sick mummy + school hols = absolute dreaders. Good luck with the next 6 weeks!

  11. Blighty, I would love to see your swish file once in use! I lack the phantasy how to accomplish order with it. I am quite lucky with the strategy "leave things at least 2 years in a pile (works for paper AND clothes). After 2 years you can easily throw it in the bin after a quick check.

    I enjoyed your today's posting a lot! It is so ... refreshing :)

    "Right, must go, 1100 hours, time for Mandarin for Beginners." - is this am or pm? ;-)

    dear check out lady at the supermarket, thanks for the inspiration!

    If only clothes would come with swatches you could always carry in your purse.

  12. Crooks and Nannies is calling to me...I love all that Smutter Clutter...Cartier ring perhaps? and fun jewels...more to dress up the Bush Baby.
    FF is correct that Hosta needs a shady spot...
    you must be feeling a wee bit better as your sense of humour has made another laughing woman out of me.

  13. Paula - your idea of clothes with swatches - pure genius, you must patent and market this idea immediately (and send me half the profits!)
    Hostess - thank you for your kind wishes, ginger is a great idea; I am trying out a hosta in a depressing patch i have which gets no sun and where other things have failed; it seems to be going well so I have just bought another one, fingers crossed; am worried about slugs, we have huge slugs here but dry spell has kept them at bay!
    Hi Melissa - yes, I got the vague inkling from FF that mulch is important! I am now planning on posting lots more pics of NAKED earth just to shock her! No idea if my soil has nutrients, mainly it has weeds and stones and the old bottle buried by previous owner, I have been dumping on lots of Miracle Grow compost and topsoil
    Third Avenue Style - welcome, thank you so much for taking the time to comment, I so love getting comments, I will buy a hat and do pic so you can say your "love the hat" bit again
    Carly - now video, you are such a techno wiz, I will check it out! Thank you for your nice comments xx
    Louise - hello, so you think FF is triplets? - that is brilliant, I have been trying to find out the secret of her awesome levels of activity and achievement for months, this explains it perfectly, well done!
    Anne-Marie - isn't it annoying when you buy a polish and find the same shade already at home? For a split second it made me think perhaps I had enough polish already - eeeeeeek! I pushed this hideous thought away and soothed my nerves by browsing the nail polish blogs (see my sidebar); school starts again in 7 weeks, 10 hours, and 9 mins time, not that I am counting or anything...

  14. You make me laugh Blighty - I adore the vintage bling and your leopard scarf arrangement. Very chic. A girl after my own heart. I have done that with nailpolish - I have loads of really dark colours (like black, dark red, dark dark metallic purple) and pale colours (like white, cream, pale pale pink) and nothing in between. Ridiculous.

  15. Hi again B. I'm seriously on a mission to uncover further insights into the FF secret to perfection. I bet she always wears hand protection in the kitchen and the garden.

  16. Damn straight I wear gardening gloves! In real life I look quite quite old and haggard. The internet allows me to hide what can only be described as a Multitude of Sins.

  17. Usually, a brand new website takes about six months to one year to
    appear in the SERPs of Google, assuming the service provider is worth their salt.
    The objective is to arrange your passions as carefully
    as possible with your online promotion company. It would be optimum thought to select
    the local SEO service after checking the rank of their website.
    Working with an SEO expert in your country can help as SEO
    experts within the same country generally know how to optimize websites for a specific country's audience more effectively. A dedicated SEO expert will devote all the attention and effort in enhancing the visibility of your website or business in the online world. Meta Name and Meta Description Tags are two of the important ones. They make their strategy according to the audience their client is targeting. The thing that needs to be emphasized is to create text of your website in such a way that the algorithms find them easily. The title is supposed to explain the article, and the title is what your readers see when they search for content. For those of us who are using the internet to make money, we all know that it is absolutely essential to get visitors out to our websites. So, most move slowly when deciding on who becomes the company's
    SEO. However, in general, SEO services involve using standard and compliant coding.
    Let us assume that at this point you have 6 keywords. You can Google maps
    link for your website, which will be very helpful if any person
    search in images sections. These professionals follow ethical SEO strategy and effectively implement it
    that finally increases your website visibility. The sooner a site is presented in the
    search result, or the higher it “ranks”, the more
    searchers will visit the site. Online Advertising and SEO
    Marketing. SEO content is a huge deal in today's online oriented business world. The internet has become an integral part of our lives that according to the latest statistics, almost 1 billion Americans access the internet. Never post a half edited article, and never settle for less than your best.

    Also visit my homepage

  18. I realize that there is not a ton of variety in this list,
    since Rogue and i - Net - Hack are essentially the
    same and Sorcerer #1 and #2 are more overtly
    the same. Each program will have a box with a checkmark, find the
    programs you'd like to uninstall and uncheck that box. The player guides Phen through 10 levels of dungeon gameplay, finding a whole host of weapons and other items as well.

    my blog:

  19. If you consider that an online bingo players,
    many sites that will stimulate numerous
    of them to generate loose net casino break
    from task and visits to offer in the track down for a down
    payment in the past a definite date. If you want to enjoy the game thoroughly then you
    need to get on board of a reliable online bingo site to get the maximum enjoyment as well as benefit of the game.
    Even when things seem hopeless, Kiko's narration provides some great comedy relief.

    my web page; kostenlos spiele spielen

  20. These five free basketball game apps for the i - Phone will surely help you get your game on.
    A look into some of the best Star Wars apps to be found on i -
    Tunes, including games, fun soundboards, books, and more.

    A Twitter app for Zune has been created and is now available for download through Microsoft's Marketplace.

    My blog post ... onlineradio
    My web page :: online radio


My post is all Norma No Mates, cheer her up by commenting!