Chaotic and random post

A revived Blighty, in H&M leopardskin scarf arrangement and "vintage" bling from Crooks and Nannies

Only week 2 of boy hols and already I feel out of control. Not helped by my recent malaise (posh way of saying feeling pukesville). But you can't keep a Blighty down! (Actually there is nothing more I would like than to lie languidly in crisp white sheets and recover my strength, but first, my sheets aren't up to it and secondly, I am a Woman, which we all know means getting on with it, Come What May. I am reminded of that Monty Python sketch where a stiff upper lip soldier is attacked in his tent overnight by a tiger. In the morning one of his legs is missing, eaten by the tiger. But he stoically insists it's just a mosquito bite or scratch. I feel women all over the world take the same line daily, I have heard of mothers going to school Nativity plays whilst suffering from pneumonia, for example).

The whole holiday thing seems to be turning into an exercise in Advanced Logistics. I feel I need a campaign room with green table, map and miniature figures as in old WW2 films:

0900 hours Boy 1 and friend to Sailing Course; Boy 2 to Legoland

1600 hours Boy 1 and friend to swimming pool, Boy 2 still in Legoland and refusing to leave

1800 hours Boy 1 and friend home for tea, Boy 2 still refusing to leave Legoland

1900 hours father of Boy 1 friend arrives to collect son

1900 hours +1, Boy 2 arrives home from Legoland

1900+2 Wardrobes R US executive arrives to measure up for wardrobes in boys' rooms; I insist on calling him Cliff though actually his name is Steve

2100 Exhausted Boy 2 gets in bed while Cliff/Steve still measuring up in his room

2100+30 Catch Boy 1 creeping into kitchen and shout him back to bed

2200 Cliff/Steve finally departs having told me his wife doesn't like camping (is this the outdoorsy version of "my wife doesn't understand me"?)

2200+1 I water garden and side gate slams locking me out

2200+ 2 I cunningly remove flipflop and use this to lever open latch

2200+15 Boy 1 tries out Sailing Pre Capsize Exercise Anxiety but is bustled back to bed, again

2200+ 30 Mr B arrives home from work, he looks wistfully towards fridge and I shout at him that the kitchen is now closed..

Gratuitous picture of rose and er, other thing, S, if you are reading this is the rose you and S gave me, it's lovely, thank you!

And all round me are signs that things are Out of Control.

The evil pile of mending, sneering at me

I pulled myself together and resolved to deal with things.

I decided a visit to the stationery shop to source files was needed, yes, my life will be filed, ordered, tidied, under control! I bought this very swish file.

And these files, for boys' holiday work (Ha! I have outlined an ambitious programme of maths exercises, the extent of my fantasy world is awe-inspiring).

But after the stationery shop those wretched aliens intervened once again ( the same ones that kidnap me and force me to go shopping when the Mountain of Ironing needs to be scaled).

I found myself in a little junk shop I know called Nooks and Crannies, which I have now renamed Crooks and Nannies (crooks, well we won't go there; nannies, as there was a really nice young American nanny/au pair in there doing a great job of keeping her charges under control and entertained whilst herself having a life saving break from park/finger painting/potty training etc).

Tray of brooches at Crooks and Nannies, delish!

Above, miniature tea set from Crooks and Nannies, used to keep Schmutter ClutterBelow, ginger jar from C and N, v FF me thinks!

When I got home the aliens brainwashed me and told me to ignore the washing, mending, underpants crisis, shirt button deficit, kitchen bin surplus, etc. No, I needed first to deal with a recent, serious problem I have run into.

I was going to call it Varnish Duplication but the acronym is rather unfortunate (always felt sorry at school for Victoria Dunlop who had no middle name). So I will call it the Compulsively Lavish Acquisition of Polish instead, much better.

Yes, doing swatches of nail colour! The checkout lady at the supermarket the other morning who was wearing some very nice OPI (she couldn't remember the name) (nail varnish, bringing people together!) told me she does this as she is big varnish fan and takes her chart with her when shopping to avoid duplication. Brilliant! An excellent housework avoidance strategy too!

Right, must go, 1100 hours, time for Mandarin for Beginners.