Dahlings, I am back from the beach and keen to share with you
my latest deranged ramblings my recipe for a successful holiday.
First, it's worth travelling a little bit out of London to ensure better weather,
Somewhere with blue skies and sand is good.
But you have to take sun protection seriously. Take enough to sink a small battleship, to be on the safe side. You can always hide behind it if you don't want to be photo'd in your swimcossie.
A hat is important, and also serves to underline the fact that you are a mad old trout.
There is no point these days in loading yourself down with piles of books. Go hi-tech and get yourself a Kindle.
Keep your exercise regime going.
And avoid puddings with dubious names. (And next time try not to fall about laughing in v childish way...)
Get to know the area by taking a stroll.
Keep your brain ticking over by being ritually humiliated at chess by an 8 year old.
Failure to follow hotel rules could be painful.
Try not to cry upon reentry into Real Life (and English Weather).
This was a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Elf and Safety Directorate of Blighty Inc.