With Knobs On

George Constantinosopoulososos
Manager
Hotel Bunion Beach Resort
Greece

Dear George
First thank you for the most enjoyable holiday experienced by the Blighty family.  We really did have the most super time. 

We are sorry about the small plumbing issue we caused; as I explained at the time, we did make Boys 1 and 2 aware that they were not to throw toilet paper down the loo as per the notice in the bathroom*; unfortunately we did not expressly ban the flushing of other foreign objects, so Boy 1 was convinced that it was ok to try to flush Boy 2 away.  Hopefully the repairs to the U-bend will not prove too costly.  And please apologise again to the lady in room 128, I can only imagine her shock at the sudden appearance of Boy 2.  Boy 2 is recovering well, he is now able to approach the bathroom without screaming.

Now, I thought I would just raise one small issue with you, as I do believe feedback is important in helping you to provide your excellent service.  Many service providers have thanked me for my tireless devotion to pointing out any deficiencies in their service, for example, they write back to me using words like "harassment"  "tiresome"  "legal department" and, on one memorable occasion, " old bat."

What I should like to raise with you is knobs.  This is an issue which needs a firm hand, it needs grappling with. (note to self: please stop this now, this is awful..)

I attach below 3 pictures of knobs.

Exhibit 1 - the knob of our room, room 127

 Exhibit 2 - knob of Room 128

 Exhibit 3 - knob of Room 126

As you cannot have failed to notice, the size of the knob on our door was considerably smaller than that of the knobs on the adjacent rooms.  This is not acceptable - it caused my dear husband Mr Blighty to feel he was deficient in the knob area, thus reducing his full enjoyment of the whole door opening and closing process.  In fact, he became so ashamed of the diminutive size of his knob, he would only use it when no one was looking, which made the whole business of getting into and out of our room very tiresome.

I therefore urge you to upgrade and harmonise your knobs, so no one else will have to suffer this indignity.

Yours sincerely, 

Bledwina Blighty**

* I remain mystified as to why you can't put the loo paper down the loo in Greece even in modern hotels, I am sad enough to want to know and will no doubt Google it shortly

** I was inspired to write this when I heard that the manager of our hotel in Greece reads out customer comments every week to his staff, and sometimes there are some really silly ones, like the chap who claimed the engine of the waterski boat was too small to pull him out of the water....