A Blog is not just for Christmas

Sign of the times that the first Christmas party I attend is the dog's.

All the movers and shakers of the Advanced Dog Training Class* were there.

This is Arthur.  Swiss Entlebucher, financier and raconteur - he is super bright, runs a bank, often abroad for tax reasons, loads of character and woofs, yips and growls his way through dog training, he has lots of anecdotes and some really rude jokes. Possibly.  I don't speak dog.  But that's what I imagine. Much in demand as an after-dinner speaker.

This is Darcey.  Bouvier des Flandres, fashion icon and lady.  Jackie Kennedy was a Bouvier too.  So Darcey is very refined and stylish, I can see her in an Oleg Cassini suit and pillbox hat. Monty stares at her longingly with his mouth open but she is out of his league.  Darcey is best kept away from any blonde bubble permed poodles, the sort that might sing "Happy Birthday Mr President".

Leonard McCombe/Life Magazine/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images

President Kennedy  with First Lady Jackie, in fur-trimmed suit designed by Oleg Cassini, at his inauguration.

And then there's Monty.  Border terrier and class clown - always looking the wrong way, never concentrates, always needs the loo in the middle of class.

It was a fab party. 

There was a tree.

There was tinsel.

A buffet.

Hmm, always one greedy gutzer pushing in at the buffet..

Wild party games involving the wearing of hats.

Standing on things.

Drinking.

Debauchery

Everyone got tired and emotional and had to be driven home.

In short, a cracking party.


  

*  Laura Ward

Minds Alike Animal Training and Behaviour

07931 566921

mindsalikeatb@gmail.com

www.animalmindsalike.co.uk 

Donner und Blitzen and Expert Dog Training

Hello Dahlings!

Sunday afternoon here so have sneaked off to update you all on life at Blighty HQ.

We have had a mini heatwave here and then tremendous thunderstorms and lightning - Donner und Blitzen.  No, not the reindeer Mr B.  Ha ha, Mr B, ha ha.

So my cheapo Primark dress appeared on its annual, one day outing.

I may have mentioned I contracted serious Scarf Fever but this hot weather makes wearing a scarf impossible.  Finally I understand the lamenting of the ladies on the Purse Forum about this, yes Mr B there is such a thing as a Purse Forum and yes Mr B, First World Problem par excellence.

I can't even wear this scarf which would really be appropriate.

I confess I saw Faux Fuchsia looking divine in it on her blog so when I saw it in a different colourway on Evil Bay I snapped it up.  

I had to buy it, it has not only zebras but also giraffes on it.

Here's Faux Fuchsia modelling her scarf, see it's all her fault!  Dear FF, sorry to be a copy parrot, hope this is not too Single White Female!! Please don't tell Mrs Danvers.

Meanwhile both boys are now on hols, Boy 1 had to endure 2 more weeks at his school, while Boy 2 already on hols lived the dream of the Single Child.  He set himself a personal challenge to eat a ham and cheese toastie at Costa Coffee every day for a week.  Here he is on day 4 going for broke with 2 of them.  After this I am afraid I called time on this ruinously expensive carry on and suggested he did the summer reading challenge instead like all the other kids.

I know it's only early on in the summer hols but I am quite tempted to try trading one or both of the boys in,  in return for this brand new tiptop executive home on sale in our road.  

But don't worry, I am keeping the Monty Dog.  We are in advanced preparation for our debut in the Commonwealth Games, high jump.  Next thing you know, I will have made a top dog training video, Training for Success.  Cesar Milan, eat your heart out!

Better go, we are now experiencing a slight domestic hiccup: Mr B has run over the dog stake out line (complete with corkscrew stake thingie) with the mower - all of the line/corkscrew metal thing is now wrapped around the blades, it is probs curtains for the mower.  And for the line.

  Mr B tentatively suggested, to look on the bright side, that it was a good job the dog was not attached to it at the time.  I may have said something like "You and that bl**dy mower."  As you do.

Festival of Fuchsia

Dahlings, it's been excitement overload.  I've been participating in the Festival of Fuchsia.  Dear FF, as you no doubt know, has been Over Here on a Garden Tour and to visit her sister in London.  I was thrilled to go to Paris with her and her sister for the weekend.

Dahlings, I felt I had died and gone to heaven as I climbed onto the Eurostar with FF, her sis and their matching Chanel handbags.

The trip was eventful, not least because a dastardly clipboard wielding pickpocket relieved me of my iPhone on the rue de Rivoli.

So no Paris pics from me.

But I did spend an entertaining hour in the Commissariat de police, tormenting the clerk with my French.  I can report that the police in France seem as preoccupied with snacks as the police here: important phone calls took place where the number of sugars in coffee was clarifed; beefy armed cops strolled in bearing cakes and biscuits; other police operatives helped themselves to buns and chocolate.  I innocently asked them if they watched the French cop drama Spiral (Engrenages) and had to dig my nails in my hand to prevent hysterical laughter when the clerk told me in all seriousness that Spiral was an accurate depiction of their professional life.  I must have missed the scenes involving hot chocolate and doughnuts...

Well FF may have shown me Chanel and Hermes, and her sister took us to the most lovely restaurants, but I feel I did my bit by showing them the inside of a police station....


FF gave me this lovely silk scarf from Honkers so I scarfed it up in a jaunty Parisian fashion.

On Sunday we strolled round the Place des Vosges and poked our noses into the Pavillon de la Reine Hotel, in a courtyard off the Place.  Mr B and I spent our first wedding anniversary there. Here's a visual from those days, one of us now has less hair and one of us can no longer fit into that skirt (really wish Mr B would stop wearing my clothes...)

And what did I bring home from Paris?

Sugar lumps.

Yes, I know, odd, but I adore the way the French do the small things in such a dinky, charming way and sugar lumps are one of them.


It was so lovely to catch up with dear FF, we talked nonstop on the Eurostar all the way there and all the way back.  I'd just like to apologise to the man in seat 67 (outward) and the man in seat 32 (return); sorry about your headaches but I do think trying to climb out of the train when it was hitting 150mph was a bit extreme...

The Meaning of Life and Other Big Questions

Dahlings, how are you all?  I do hope you don't think I have just been sitting around reading detective novels and eating salt and vinegar crisps, pausing now and again to shout at Boys 1 and 2 to do their homework...

No, I have been pondering Life's Big Questions:

Why is there a man in our street who wears shorts all the time, all through the winter, even in this Arctic, Beast from the East, weather?

Does washing one's hair in water-softened water cause terrible damage to one's highlights?

And finally,  why can't I remember the other Big Question?

This is a sort of visual of Mysterious Shorts Wearing Man.  This is of course not him, it's just some pics from the internetz  but I wanted to give you something to work with.


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His shorts are smart casual and he pairs them with a smart jacket but they are not warm enough for this weather, and he also has leather deck shoes without socks.

I see him every morning walking along our street, in the direction of town. Is he off to London by train?  And why the shorts?   I am dying to stop and ask him but Boys 1 and 2 have very wisely forbidden it, their theory is that he wears shorts as he is a Serial Killer and does not want to get blood on the bottom of long trousers.

My theory is he has HOT PARTS and needs to get the air to them, otherwise they will spontaneously combust.  Or maybe he has read those newspaper articles about modern man's sperm count falling due to too tight underpants and central heating and so is on a mission single-handedly (?) to  re-populate the world. If anyone local reads this and a) knows the answer, please put me out of my misery; and/or b) is married to, or a friend of, or otherwise related or connected to, this chap, may I just say what a splendid idea the shorts wearing is and I really did not mean it about the serial killing, the hot parts, the spontaneous combustion or the sperm production/repopulation....


As regards the hair issue, every now and then I go to the hairdressers and get a mini-science lecture on how water softeners make the water bad for hair with highlights (at this point the colourist usually gloomily says she can smell the water softener chemicals on my hair and describes the terrible fizzing noise of the chemicals stopping the highlights taking properly).  The colourist then proceeds to advise me to stick my head under the kitchen cold tap (the only tap where unsoftened water available) and buy some special ££££ shampoo to de-tox my hair. It is quite frankly exhausting, I want to read Hello! mag and chat about my hols, I do not want to grapple with cutting edge scientific conundrums like black holes and highlight maintenance.  Does anyone out there have a view on this?  ( Please back up your view with a doctoral thesis or at least the Ladybird book of chemistry).



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As for the third Big Question, it was really good, but for the life of me....

Techno Blights and Other News

Hi there Dahlings! Now, try not to be too jealous of my exciting lifestyle, but this week I took delivery of a brand new vacuum cleaner. Yes, glamour, find it here.

To my horror it arrived unassembled and I had to read the manual and fit it together myself.  I always feel that reading any product manual is a sign of defeatism, but needs must.

It was a tense moment but I managed. I expect to get a Nobel Prize for Science soon. Or at least a request to help out with the Hadron Collider.

And look - a warning about rip off bags.  I thought one only had to be careful when buying Louis Vuitton or Chanel but apparently vacuum cleaner bags are equally tricky.

In other news, now the snow has gone I am back to embracing my midlife crisis, fashion wise.  (Is the new vacuum cleaner another manifestation of this, most people buy  Meno-Porsche but maybe the new cleaner is the nearest I can get? I did enjoy taking it for a drive yesterday, it certainly has good revs).

Look, dodgy camo trousers.  Boy 1 was HORRIFIED. "Are those Army trousers you are wearing?" he asked, in shock.  Note also the studding detail on the pocket.

 

 

And look, dodgy pixie boots.  With studding.

 

 

 

And yes, Converse All Star hi-tops.  With leopard trim.  And studding.

 

 

 

It seems that studs are Key to a midlife crisis.  Also, I seem not merely to have embraced my Midlife Crisis but to have taken it out to dinner and bought it champagne.


Meanwhile I have read this.  It's very good, a murder mystery set in West Virginia, in the Appalachians.  Unfortunately I guessed who the baddie was early on.  Because I am a Smartass.  Who has read too many murder mysteries.

Finally Mr B and I are having Quality Couple Time watching this of an evening: Scandi Noir drama, The Bridge.



 



 It's brilliant!  And I really can't work out who the baddie is .  I love Saga, the blonde woman detective.  The Guardian have a very good blog about it, all the comments and speculation are very entertaining.

 

Right I'm off to watch Boy 2 play football for the school.  Wonder who will have more studs on - the entire football team on their boots, or me, in my Midlife Crisis Fashion Outfit?

A bit chilly

Dahlings, how are you?   Really, a kitchen extension with an orangery and water feature? Me?  Oh no, I am very happy with my beige linoleum thank you (right eye twitches).

Here we had a bit of snow yesterday but just a light sprinkling, I have to be honest I wasn't completely happy with the coverage.

I suppose I am a bit like Faux Fuchsia and her Christmas tree coverage - she likes it plentiful and well distributed.  Well so do I, with snow.

By the way, here is a pic of the Blighty 2012 Christmas tree.  It did not have uniform coverage, as Boy 1 of his own accord took it upon himself to decorate it.  So there is heavy ornament application around the front and lower branches.  But I don't mind.  I think he shows great promise - one day perhaps he could be a window dresser for Selfridges.

Selfridges window last year - a tribute to Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama

Right, back to the cold weather.

Luckily I bought some boofy snow boots in the sales.

I also popped on my Alpine style waistcoat number, from H&M.  I bet they all wear them at Klosters.

I also rolled out my new fluffy waistcoat, Mr B bought it for me for my birthday, I must let him know.  It's very soft and stroke-able, like having a cat except it does not bring mice into the house or scratch the sofa, fingers crossed.

Last night I decided I wanted a Korat cat, till I read they were very sensitive and got upset by loud noises.  Hmm, probably not ideal for Blighty HQ then.



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It is essential to eat properly when the weather is cold.

Nourishing drinks are also vital.

I have been reading in the newspapers that according to the Government and various charities,  it is very important to keep an eye on the elderly in this cold weather and call in on them to make sure they are alright.

Well, it's been a couple of days now since the cold snap started, and I am still waiting for my visit.

I even rang the council, I believe in being pro-active.

I talked to a very nice lady and explained I was an older lady and would very much like a young person to drop by the house, to make sure I was nice and warm.  I said I wasn't fussy, a young man,  6 ft 4, blonde, blue eyes, lightly muscled, six pack preferable....there would be some light duties around the house...

source - hmmm, typical

Gosh, I am feeling much warmer already...