And then my pants dropped off

 

Dahlings, how are you? I am pleased to report that our local Shorts Wearing Man is still at large, with daily sightings of him and his legs. I now have to sing a short refrain of "it's crazeey, crazeey, shorts wearing man!" whenever I drive past him, I just can't not do it. And  I am wondering what on earth will happen if it actually gets hot this summer - stay tuned for possible update on Crazy Naked Man and/or local mother drives car into hedge in state of over-excitement.

This week the boys popped back into school for a spot of learning before the next set of holidays.

To celebrate* I took myself off to Bicester Village (luxury brand discount outlet and my spiritual home).

Loved this dress but even discounted it was £££££

 

Shockingly, I bought very little. I saw a tweet a while ago along the lines of "My woman-ness is
broken, I can't shop" and I felt just like that, the pathos was overwhelming.

 

 

Marni

 

 

Loved the dress on the right but even discounted it was ££££££

 

 

 

Above and below Jimmy Choo

 

 

I came home with only liquid handwash and L'Artisan Parfumeur Mandarin eau de toilette.  When I told Mr B I had bought some mandarin perfume he asked why I wanted to smell like an ancient Chinese bureaucrat- ha ha Mr B, ha ha.

In yet another exciting new fashion development I have decided pencil skirts are the Way Forward** - ones in stretchy material, though, for comfort and ease of movement.




 I have decided they are more flattering for the older figure and also will eliminate the problem of  "accidental lower back exposure" aka builder's bum.  I have jeans from Zara which are cut too low. Recently the boys have been shouting "UUUUURHHHG MUM NO, we can see your bum, uuuuuuurh! !" when I bend down to feed one or other of the domestic appliances. It's not the kind of reaction I wish to inspire in young men.

I have taken the plunge and ordered these.  I look forward to returning them shortly. And to be honest, forget the skirts, I would rather hire one of these lovely, fresh faced, perky young ladies to come look after the household for me while I lie around on the sofa...

Zara - I clean your toilet now yes?



 

Asos - after I hoover I will go wash the car and then mow the lawn, ok?



Monsoon

In other exciting fashion news, Grandma Whacker has appointed me her personal stylist.  Move over Rachel Zoe (and stop making Skyler wear those hats): I am now Stylist to the Stars.  La Whacker is contemplating some Spring fashion purchases to take her through her many social  engagements.  We all know it will end in Marks and Spencer but in the meantime I think these jackets would suit the Big G very well.

Monsoon

In  other news I read this recently.





It made a big impression on me.  It's the true story of an attempt by the Czech Resistance in WW2 to assassinate Reinhard Heydrich, the Nazi Protector of Czechoslovakia and one of the architects of the Holocaust, and all round despicable human being.

 It's not a cosy read obviously given its subject matter, but I thought it was brilliantly done. It helped in terms of suspense that I was ignorant of this chapter of history; if you already know what happened, that might change your experience of the book.

 From reading the book blogs, I gather the novel is an example of "meta fiction", where there is a story within a story: the author recounts the book writing process and also plays with the conventions of the historical novel, telling a bit of the story and then in the next chapter revealing that he invented various details.  This has irritated certain readers but I liked it, I thought it was honest and made his account seem more trustworthy, not less, by showing that many details in historical accounts have been "filled in" by the author.

 Other commenters have also been upset by what they felt was the author's flippant tone and it is true he makes quips, but I found this understandable as a release valve: it helped to bear the horror of what he was describing.  I could not have coped with a highly charged account of the brave Resistance and the Nazi atrocities. As it was, I often had to lay the book down, exclaim "Bastards"" to myself and then carry on reading (which livened things up on one occasion when Mr B mistakenly thought I was referring to Boys 1 and 2, locked at that moment in fraternal combat).

I followed up with this - an eco end of the world novel - gosh, I am cheerful. 

What are you chaps reading at the moment?  Any nice, light, feel good books you can recommend, to balance things up?

Now, it has come to my attention that my follower numbers are sliding, a bit like my ill-fitting jeans.  Right you lot,  remember, IF YOU DARE UNFOLLOW ME, I WILL COME FOR YOU AND SHOW YOU MY TROUSER GAPPAGE IN FULL TECHNICOLOR AND IN CLOSE UP. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.***


*wicked mother
** previous Ways Forward have included shirts and jeans, dresses, tunics with skinnies, gingham, leopard skin, monochrome, jewel colours, pastels, neon, colour blocking, nail varnish, full make up, no make up, tracksuit bottoms, pyjamas,  Converse All Stars, high heels, no heels, no knickers (not really, just checking you are still awake), brogues, loafers, UGG boots....sartorial confusion is a cruel mistress
***there goes another couple of followers

Blighty gets the Boot

Dahlings how are we all?  It's a bit soggy round these parts, and also the snow is melting...

Today is, as usual, not going to plan.

Boys 1 and 2, who in some ways resemble Thompson and Thomson from Tintin, have had another "incident":

source

When Boy 1 went to put his snow boots on this morning,  he discovered that Boy 2 had gone off to school wearing Boy 1's bigger boots (stay with me, it's complicated but so worth it).  Judging by the yells and oaths and muttered threats, I think perhaps Boy 2 should not come home this evening, I had better arrange for a "safe house" for him somewhere..

I have my own boot related woes.  My beloved Ugg boots which I have been wearing non-stop in the house as slippers since buying them under the expert supervision of Lovely B at Bicester Village last Sept, have sprung a hole.  How's that for a First World Problem?  Is there some sort of support group I could contact?

The good news is that I seem to have got my reading mojo back (ha! I just mistyped that as mofo, which is quite different).  There was an interesting article by David Nicholls (who wrote "One Day") in the Telegraph recently about finding time to read; coincidentally Boy 1's English teacher made them read it for homework. You can find it here It definitely rang a chord with me, particularly about repeatedly checking into the same websites...


Currently I am reading this.

Must admit, was a bit daunted what with it being so long and a Booker Prize winner and all, but it's very readable, wonderfully written and the author has made old Thomas Cromwell into a likeable character, which makes a change from all those films and plays where he is evil and calculating and, even worse, a lawyer

I have been putting books I have read on my Pinterest if anyone is interested.


Better go now, have to hire an armoured car to collect Boy 2 in from school tonight..

Seven Dials; Mrs Exeter; The Duke of Hazards

Dahlings, life has speeded up, we are yet again hurtling towards another school holiday. This means I am busy cramming in all the jaunts which the presence of boys would not permit.

Interior of the Miller Harris shop at Seven Dials

I took a little trip up to London and paid a visit to the Miller Harris perfume shop near Covent Garden. It's actually in a part of town called Seven Dials, which makes me think of the Agatha Christie novel of that name; it sounds very 1930s...

Cover of first UK edition, picture taken from Wikipedia

Miller Harris is sold in various department stores including Liberty's; but dare I say, I don't find the perfume section of Liberty's very friendly, the assistants seem a bit tecky to me (unlike the lovely girls on the cosmetics counters there); I swear a perfume maven inhaled sharply the other day when I dared to place my mitts on  a candle...and my mitts were clean, honest, I wasn't clutching a Crispy Creme at the time.

Gratuitous pic of spring fashions in Liberty's, just because..

Cire Trudon candles at Liberty - don't touch!

The Miller Harris shop by contrast was heaven, the assistant very friendly and very knowledgeable about the products.  I had the best time spraying and sniffing and babbling away to the lovely girl there - hi Natalia, I have not forgotten how kind and helpful you were!

The wallpaper is Miller Harris designed and can also be purchased

I could not choose there and then - really I felt spoilt for choice, I think the Miller Harris fragrances are ones which you cannot go wrong with, no matter what you choose, but I loved them all and just couldn't decide!  I came away with lots of samples, which I am really enjoying - Terre de Bois; La Pluie; Tangerine Vert; La Fumee.  Currently I am in love with Coeur de Fleur  - a divinely soft, clean smell, very spring like, I keep nuzzling my arm, I find myself so delicious! ( I am trying not to do this too much when other people are around as it must look ever so slightly pervy).  I also like the fact that Miller Harris is still an independent perfumer, unlike the Jo Malones and the L'Artisan Parfumeurs who are now owned by big cosmetic companies..) and the founder Lyn Harris is still very much hands on in the creation of the perfumes. Plus she trained as a perfumer in Grasse, France, and I once spent a summer there working as an au pair so you see Mr B it is really important I have a Miller Harris perfume to remind me of my distant youth (think he was called Pierre or maybe it was Bertrand???).....

Miller Harris perfume samples - divine!

Another big treat recently was to meet up with Mrs Exeter, whom many of you will know from her blog.  Mrs E also lives in Buckinghamshire, not far from me, so we met up for coffee in a very pretty market town. We talked and talked and had a lovely time and then Mrs E had to go riding, as you do - how cool!  In a  clever decluttering move, Mrs E gave me a book on decluttering.  Masterful!

Mrs E also gave me this nail polish.

It is called "Old Blighty".

How fitting!  Thank you so much Mrs E.

We have plans to meet again for a trip to my spiritual home, Bicester Village.

The boys have of course been busy with various boy type activities.  They certainly keep them busy at Daphnes4Boyz:  Maths tests, French tests, cake competitions, Sports Relief charity run, football matches,  Inter-House General Knowledge Quiz (won by Verruca but with Impetigo coming a close second), egg decorating competition, £5 challenge (otherwise known as extorting money out of your peers in return for bags of popcorn)...and then it's time for morning registration...

Mr B and I were very amused by Boy 2's recent trip to somewhere called Hazard Valley, some sort of interactive educational centre designed to teach children how to cope with various dangers.

Look at this picture.  Can you all see what the issues are ? *answers below

Mr B found the numerous leaflets from the Coastguards which Boy 2 came home clutching very funny, considering we are the furthest you can possibly get from the sea anywhere in the UK!  Possible case of print over-run in the Coastguard department? or do they know what bath time is like at Blighty HQ?

When I asked Boy 2 what had happened on the trip, his main feedback was that Justin A. Bucket had been sick on the coach on the way there and Max Chunder had thrown up on the coach on the way back, all over a teacher. 

Conclusion: the main hazard facing a 9 year old is being blurped on during a school trip, so important to
 a) identify; and
b) avoid sitting anywhere near;
 the pukey kids at all times....

These are vital life skills, which will serve Boy 2 very well in later life. 

Never underestimate the importance of school trips.



* the hazards are of course as follows:

• that girl is wearing dangerously out of fashion 80s style gear, including Reebok type trainers and a scrunchie;
• the baby's nappy looks worryingly full, real risk of seepage situation and hazardous fumes;
• baby needs to remove dummy before taking a drag on the ciggy**
• is that red wine properly aerated - should it not be decanted?

** this blog of course does not advocate smoking for the under two's, though an occasional pipe can help them unwind

Woof woof

1st April 2011

Dahlings, this post is a day late  - sorry!

Just wanted to let you know we have a new member of the Blighty household, an adorable little dog.  I am going to call him Thatcher after Mrs T's most notorious accessory.

Isn't he just too much?

Some of you know that I have been considering getting a dog for a while now and this little chap seemed to fit right into my lifestyle.

Must go, we need to do walkies.


"Dog"  - Fendi at Bicester Village, £4000 reduced to £2000, good luck to Sally who is shopping at Bicester today, Sally, I am sorry I did not get back to you but am sure you will have a nice day there!

Relax Mr B, of course I did not buy this thing but Lovely B and I had a great giggle over it!

Louise of InTownsville - you might want to print a big copy of this picture for Siggi, sort of chihuahua  doggie porn...

Getting back in Touch

Who knew Blighty was a National Humorous Weekly for only  6 pence?

Dahlings, so sorry to have neglected you for so long but life has been busy and filled with glamour.

Like this.

Mr B: the hairdresser won't do Boy 1's hair - he has Nits!
Mrs B: at least Boy 2 hasn't got them.  Oh, yikes!

And this.

1.30am: Mummmmmeeeeee. I feel icky-sicky
Mrs B: just don't throw up on the new carpet, there's a dear

Then Lovely B came to stay (cousin to Mr Blighty, partner in retail crime to Mrs Blighty) and Things Went Rapidly Downhill.  We shopped for England.  Our timetable went something like this:
Day 1: trip to picturesque Old Amersham, coffee and shopping ( more about this later)
Day 2: trip to Bicester Village (retail outlet and my spiritual home), coffee, shopping, lunch, more shopping
Day 3: trip to Eden Shopping Centre, High Wycombe, shopping, coffee, lunch, shopping
Day 4: no shopping,  dvd of "Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest" (brilliantly summarised by Faux Fuchsia as "I have a big tattoo, I have been abused, I want revenge").
Day 5: no shopping whatsoever
Day 6: Lovely B departs and credit cards cool down


So obviously I have had No Time for blogging.

On Day1 Lovely B and I popped into a brilliant shop in Old Amersham called Touch*, which belongs to Annette,  a very pretty and stylish mother of one of Boy 1's schoolmates.  Lovely B and I had the best time chatting to Annette and perusing grabbing and poking at all the fab stuff in the shop:  new and vintage clothes, jewellery, shoes, gifts...the pictures will give you an idea of the retail temptations that are available:

* did you see how I worked that into the title of this post? good eh?
Note from Mr B: no, not good, really a bit painful to be honest

70s glam rock type dress next to Mick

Should I buy this hat for The Wedding even if just watching it on TV?

70s peasant number (yes B, I am talking about the dress)

Vintage Cerruti

I loved this

Serious shoe lust for these

I pounced on unsuspecting customer and made her model the hat, sorry Annette if I have so traumatised this nice lady that she never comes back again....

My precious!

I came away from Touch with this silky tunic, the material is lovely and the details are nice, like the turned back cuffs and the brown leopardlike trim; Lovely B has advised leggings to go with.

 

Top  - pic taken from Touch website

 

So if you live near, go visit Touch.  Old Amersham is a great place for some light shopping, coffee and lunch!  But give those Blighty Boys a wide berth.  At least until they stop scratching.

http://www.touchlounge.co.uk/index.html

No rewards or inducements or stuff were given to me for writing about Touch but I am hoping that if Annette's son gets nits too, she will think twice before running me over in the school carpark