And then my pants dropped off

 

Dahlings, how are you? I am pleased to report that our local Shorts Wearing Man is still at large, with daily sightings of him and his legs. I now have to sing a short refrain of "it's crazeey, crazeey, shorts wearing man!" whenever I drive past him, I just can't not do it. And  I am wondering what on earth will happen if it actually gets hot this summer - stay tuned for possible update on Crazy Naked Man and/or local mother drives car into hedge in state of over-excitement.

This week the boys popped back into school for a spot of learning before the next set of holidays.

To celebrate* I took myself off to Bicester Village (luxury brand discount outlet and my spiritual home).

Loved this dress but even discounted it was £££££

 

Shockingly, I bought very little. I saw a tweet a while ago along the lines of "My woman-ness is
broken, I can't shop" and I felt just like that, the pathos was overwhelming.

 

 

Marni

 

 

Loved the dress on the right but even discounted it was ££££££

 

 

 

Above and below Jimmy Choo

 

 

I came home with only liquid handwash and L'Artisan Parfumeur Mandarin eau de toilette.  When I told Mr B I had bought some mandarin perfume he asked why I wanted to smell like an ancient Chinese bureaucrat- ha ha Mr B, ha ha.

In yet another exciting new fashion development I have decided pencil skirts are the Way Forward** - ones in stretchy material, though, for comfort and ease of movement.




 I have decided they are more flattering for the older figure and also will eliminate the problem of  "accidental lower back exposure" aka builder's bum.  I have jeans from Zara which are cut too low. Recently the boys have been shouting "UUUUURHHHG MUM NO, we can see your bum, uuuuuuurh! !" when I bend down to feed one or other of the domestic appliances. It's not the kind of reaction I wish to inspire in young men.

I have taken the plunge and ordered these.  I look forward to returning them shortly. And to be honest, forget the skirts, I would rather hire one of these lovely, fresh faced, perky young ladies to come look after the household for me while I lie around on the sofa...

Zara - I clean your toilet now yes?



 

Asos - after I hoover I will go wash the car and then mow the lawn, ok?



Monsoon

In other exciting fashion news, Grandma Whacker has appointed me her personal stylist.  Move over Rachel Zoe (and stop making Skyler wear those hats): I am now Stylist to the Stars.  La Whacker is contemplating some Spring fashion purchases to take her through her many social  engagements.  We all know it will end in Marks and Spencer but in the meantime I think these jackets would suit the Big G very well.

Monsoon

In  other news I read this recently.





It made a big impression on me.  It's the true story of an attempt by the Czech Resistance in WW2 to assassinate Reinhard Heydrich, the Nazi Protector of Czechoslovakia and one of the architects of the Holocaust, and all round despicable human being.

 It's not a cosy read obviously given its subject matter, but I thought it was brilliantly done. It helped in terms of suspense that I was ignorant of this chapter of history; if you already know what happened, that might change your experience of the book.

 From reading the book blogs, I gather the novel is an example of "meta fiction", where there is a story within a story: the author recounts the book writing process and also plays with the conventions of the historical novel, telling a bit of the story and then in the next chapter revealing that he invented various details.  This has irritated certain readers but I liked it, I thought it was honest and made his account seem more trustworthy, not less, by showing that many details in historical accounts have been "filled in" by the author.

 Other commenters have also been upset by what they felt was the author's flippant tone and it is true he makes quips, but I found this understandable as a release valve: it helped to bear the horror of what he was describing.  I could not have coped with a highly charged account of the brave Resistance and the Nazi atrocities. As it was, I often had to lay the book down, exclaim "Bastards"" to myself and then carry on reading (which livened things up on one occasion when Mr B mistakenly thought I was referring to Boys 1 and 2, locked at that moment in fraternal combat).

I followed up with this - an eco end of the world novel - gosh, I am cheerful. 

What are you chaps reading at the moment?  Any nice, light, feel good books you can recommend, to balance things up?

Now, it has come to my attention that my follower numbers are sliding, a bit like my ill-fitting jeans.  Right you lot,  remember, IF YOU DARE UNFOLLOW ME, I WILL COME FOR YOU AND SHOW YOU MY TROUSER GAPPAGE IN FULL TECHNICOLOR AND IN CLOSE UP. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.***


*wicked mother
** previous Ways Forward have included shirts and jeans, dresses, tunics with skinnies, gingham, leopard skin, monochrome, jewel colours, pastels, neon, colour blocking, nail varnish, full make up, no make up, tracksuit bottoms, pyjamas,  Converse All Stars, high heels, no heels, no knickers (not really, just checking you are still awake), brogues, loafers, UGG boots....sartorial confusion is a cruel mistress
***there goes another couple of followers

Woof woof

1st April 2011

Dahlings, this post is a day late  - sorry!

Just wanted to let you know we have a new member of the Blighty household, an adorable little dog.  I am going to call him Thatcher after Mrs T's most notorious accessory.

Isn't he just too much?

Some of you know that I have been considering getting a dog for a while now and this little chap seemed to fit right into my lifestyle.

Must go, we need to do walkies.


"Dog"  - Fendi at Bicester Village, £4000 reduced to £2000, good luck to Sally who is shopping at Bicester today, Sally, I am sorry I did not get back to you but am sure you will have a nice day there!

Relax Mr B, of course I did not buy this thing but Lovely B and I had a great giggle over it!

Louise of InTownsville - you might want to print a big copy of this picture for Siggi, sort of chihuahua  doggie porn...

The Planned Post Is Now Toast

Dahlings, I had such a lovely post planned for today.  It was going to be so elegant, so stylish, so sophisticated, so so so...er...

It was going to involve a delicious discussion of eye shadow.  Should I embrace the new eye shadow shape or will I just look like a demented panda let loose on a paintbox?

Very mauve eye shadow look from Harpers

Gwyneth on cover of March's Harpers with
lots of blue eye shadow

Also from Harpers, some complicated stuff with eyeliner  going on here

I was also going to touch on scarves and discuss the fun I have been having trying to learn to tie them a la MaiTai.  MaiTai is the Goddess of Scarves, actually she is quite simply a Goddess, and she has these great how to videos on her blog. http://www.maitaispicturebook.com/  I have decided that remembering to arrange your scarf into the basic bias fold is Key.  It makes all scarves look better, even non-Hermes ones (sigh - note to Mr B: I have been terribly good recently in all sorts of saintly ways I can't quite recall at the moment, surely a Hermes scarflet would be deserved??  NO  - I DON'T CARE WE JUST HAD THE RADIATOR HOUSING THERMOSTAT MCWHATSIT ON THE CAR FIXED FOR THE PRICE OF A HERMES SCARF, IT'S NOT THE SAME..) 

I was going to show you recent scarf purchases. (Note to Mr B: sourced at my spiritual home, Bicester Retail Village and thus heavily discounted (FF 2011) and so begging to be bought, crime not to etc etc)

Fendi scarf from Bicester Village

Dior scarf also from Bicester Village

Lots to look at on scarf

Even a bit of leopard print

I was also planning on a little light discussion of brooches, with which I have become ever so slightly obsessed, ever since I first clapped eyes on Faux Fuchsia's bee and Chanel numbers.  And then a new blogger I have discovered, Mrs Exeter, posted a picture of her recently acquired Chanel brooch. http://dressingmrsexeter.blogspot.com/

I have sourced a few brooches but must admit to having technical difficulties re secure attachment and so things drop off me now and again, at my age I am just thankful it's only a brooch and not teeth or  support garments.

Bee brooch from Butler and Wilson, £28

BUT NO, ALAS, the whole elegant swellegant post has been DERAILED.
Instead of glamour, I bring you:

MRS BLIGHTY JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON A LOAF OF BREAD

 It's all the fault of the bl**dy bread.

I bought Kingsmill Secretly Seeded, seduced by its stealth health claims and the jolly little arrow proclaiming "no bits".

Ha! No way was Boy 1 falling for this: there was much muttering along  the lines of " most disgusting  ....killing me....poison.....toxic....bits...revolting"

This morning for breakfast he requested cheese on toast, which I lovingly made.  Since I had an entire loaf to get rid of, I gambled on him not noticing the Health Bread under 1kg of melted cheese. Big mistake:  howls of anguish from Boy 1. All this with minus 5 minutes to school run.

Suddenly I found myself picking up the whole loaf in its plastic bag and throwing it at him, while ranting about spoilt children; Boy1 deftly parried the incoming loaf missile and burst into tears.  I then grabbed the bread and proceeded to jump up and down on it, at the same time shouting incoherently about starving children in Africa, aware even as I did so this was not very logical behaviour.

Reenactment

Boy 2 then burst into tears.

 Suddenly I was overcome with Maternal Guilt.  I had reduced both boys to tears, even innocent bystander Boy 2,who was no doubt traumatised by sight of mother losing the plot; I had damaged his delicate little psyche. Forever. He would never recover. He was Scarred for Life.

"Sorry darlings, sorry, Mummy is soooooo sorry" I grovelled as I cuddled Boy 2.

Boy 2 sobbed a bit more and then explained that he was NOT crying  because of his mother's nutsy behaviour.  Oh no, our sensitive little soul was wailing for another reason altogether: the biscuit accompaniment to his Muller Crunch Corner was soggy and thus not providing him with the comestible enjoyment to which he has become accustomed..in other words if his brother was going to throw a hissy fit about the breakfast offering, he was sure as hell not going to be left out..

Balls indeed

If you need me, I'll be in the bread aisle of our local supermarket, testing the texture of the bread.  With my feet.