Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Tuesday, 1 March 2011

One Of Those Days

It's One of Those Days when:

  • I oversleep; on waking I hear Mr B saying to Boy 2:
"Don't pull it anymore, it'll come off."
Whatever he was doing, and to be honest I would rather not know, it can't be good, can't it?

  • The living room floor has gone:

Dear FF, please send your Daddy or the Penguin as a matter of urgency, the cushion situation is out of hand here

  • I waste time watching an interview with Charlie Sheen, reading up on his antics and wondering whether I would like to come back as Sheen in my next life - he seems to know how to party, whereas me and Mr B get all tired at about 10.30pm and have to pretend we need to go home as it is getting too late for the babysitter.
My favourite Charlie S quotes:

"I couldn't keep up with him" says porn star after 36 hour cocaine bender with Charlie Sheen".

"Sheen is now out of hospital having suffered a hernia".  Not entirely surprised.  *             

*Blighty in no way endorses substance abuse or romping about with porn stars; a cup of tea is a nice way to unwind and if feeling a bit like pushing the boat out, a rich tea biscuit.             

    Pic of Mr Sheen from Daily Mail website. His publicist has just quit. Guess the job got dull.
  • Realise I am absolutely freezing and heating not working; ring Mr B at his work who kindly informs me that after our colossal gas bill he has put heating onto timer setting, which can be summarised as follows: Boys and Mr B at home - heating on; Boys and Mr B out - heating off.  Yes, I have put on an extra jumper, in fact I am wearing 3 jumpers and I am STILL COLD.  Take by revenge on Mr B who has left me note asking me to pick up book for him from library - write at bottom "Sorry cannot do it, legs frozen."  Re-jig heating and set it to tropical and play Bob Marley CD very loudly.    

Mrs B's kitchen chairs under new daytime heating regime

  • 2 ladies come to the door and ask me if I am interested in the word of God. They look as if they are settling in for the full doorstop conversion but I tell them Mr B is an atheist; one of them says "That must be hard for you."  I consider breaking down in tears and saying, "Yes, and he doesn't let me have any heating on in the day" but feel that might be overdoing it. They give me pamphlet  entitled "Would you like to know the Truth?"  I want to ask why there is such poor mobile phone reception round here.  Feel sure God has moved with the times and is a whizz at IT and texting etc.  He can't still be doing the stone tablets and writing on the wall can he?

  • Derek the painter phones up to find out what paint we want in Boy 2's room; discover have sent email to Derek (Boy 1's teacher from last year) instructing him to do room in Dulux Orchid White, trade paint.  Wonder if Derek the teacher has bought the paint yet. And will school add it to fees at usual uplift?  Better switch the heating off, just in case.


  1. HA! I'm the mean one here. Turned off all day time heat in January and am cutting morning heat out as well just as soon as no one is looking and my feet thaw.

  2. Nooo, American - do not say that! Will have to ensure Mr B does not see your comment..

  3. Poor frozen you! Maybe you should ask Mr. B if you could invest in a warm cashmere jumpsuit to keep you warm while he and the boys are away.

    Charlie Sheen is sure making the rounds. Those two "goddesses" of his are something else - one was interviewed this morning and did that wiggly thing with her jaw that often indicates the use of a certain white-powdery substance Mr. S has been known to enjoy. The whole thing is like watching one of those old buildings implode in slow motion.
    With all this craziness about lately - Charlie, Gaddafi, Galliano, Lohan - I am starting to feel so sane and kind hearted! I'm almost a Puritan! I must go do something sinful! Stat!

  4. Hello - I love your blog. I'm in Bucks too and it has been freezing this week. My husband is in Dubai so I have got heating on Bob Marley, but will turn it back to Shostakovich before he returns.

  5. Hello Mrs Exeter, nice to hear from you. Hasn't it been cold? Cold and damp. And muddy. do you have boys too? Mine are currently careening about the house, I must go put them into their beds, they have just knocked a picture off the wall, aaagh!
    Adrienne - that is exactly it, a building imploding,gripping but not in a nice way; must go back check out the wiggly jaw thing..

  6. have just had fabulous news that have been paying too much for gas and lecky and am in big credit...oh yes....let it snow I'm turning it up to 11!!

  7. What is the world coming to! Glad you were able to rejig the heat, those chairs look pretty cold to me.
    Charlie Sheen? I can't even talk about it.

  8. Dear Mrs Blighty, I tell you Mr LiC and Mr B are twins separated at birth. Mr LiC greatly prefers it if we can see our breath in the house in Winter and whenever I remonstrate he says that it is people like me that are causing Climate Change. Indeed. Can't you simply override the heating control and then cluck sympathetically when the heating bill comes in? I too, am astonished at how match fit Mr Sheen is. Clearly he is not up with the lark and children looking for lost sock/homework etc. However in the spirit of living dangerously I think I might have a choccie bikkie with my cup of tea today! Good luck with Mr Derek.

  9. That won't do at all Blighty! Tell Mr B that Col. Gadaffi is likely looking for a new job and you hear he is easier to negotiate with. That should send the wind up him!

  10. Bwahahahaha. And I was trying to sit here all serious and everything.

  11. So funny re the heating!!!!!!! Turn it UP!

    Too funny re the christiam Door Knockers too xxxxxxx

  12. Deb - nice and warm today, Mr B very contrite!
    Linda - steady on with the choc biccie, before you know it you will be on 36 hour biccie benders and end up injuring yourself...
    Siobhan - old Gadafi, Sheen, Galliano` = Trouble
    LPC - still musing on your hair colour I feel drab and want to be Blonde Blonde Blonde
    FF - I felt sorry for the Christian ladies, one in partic looked cold, it was not a nice day for knocking on doors and I bet no one asks them in for a cup of tea, I of course did not dare, what with our satanic paraphernalia lying around plus i was short on milk; think they were Jehovah's Witnesses as the pamphlet says Watchtower on it somewhere...

  13. NO way, no heating is cruel. Mr B better watch himself. Favours etc cannot be bestowed by cold wives. That should get him readjusting the thermostat!

  14. Blights if Mr B insists on freezing you to death then insist he let you do it in style wearing a Hermes scarf and a Rolex.

  15. It's too late now, Blighty, but one must never take the pamphlet. Now they'll be back. With their well-behaved children.

  16. oh deary me - you need FF's dad without a doubt. Or Ray Mears. Either would do.

    Heating - Tertarus does exactly the same. I sit at a computer all day plink plonking away and he goes to do something manly with concrete or a screwdriver in the garage and the temperature plummets like a scene from the Exorcist . Like Mr Blighty, he believes HE should be comfy, but copious jumper-wearing is the answer to my request for another coal on the fire guv.

    The Witnesses don't come to my door any more. I used to be quite polite and take their leaflets, but Tertarus answered the door one day instead of me. I don't know what he said. But they never came back.



  17. Is Mr B into torture now? Good on you for putting the heating back on! A person has to be warm you know...

    K xx

    PS: Did Derek ever get back to you?

  18. Oh Blighty, you seriously make me giggle...LOVE the missing email story and the first waking comment of your day not to mention everything between. You are entertainment with a capital E xx

  19. hi blighty,

    v funny as usual. and re charlie...i only feel pity for his poor parents. seriously.


  20. I used to use the same tactics with legend jr until he asked me if I ever tugged at my spigget. I told him I had done from time to time, while wondering where this was going to lead to. He then asked If mine had ever come off. I replied in the negative, to which he added, "I rest my case".
    Sometimes I look forward to a jehovah's witness visitation just for the light relief!!

  21. ok, two possibilities: either you got buried under the cushions or got deep frozen like Han Solo. Neither a nice picture so let us know you are still alive and kicking. ... kicking back?

  22. Dear Paula, it is very sweet to you to call in and ask where I am, thank you. I am a bit preoccupied at the moment, as Grandma W is not well and is staying with me. But I will try to post again soon, you can't keep Blighty quiet for long!
    Janet - actually now I feel ashamed I made fun of Charlie as the whole media fest and hangers on around him is sickening, and I agree, I would be devastated if my boys ended up like that, and those poor little twin boys, what a mess
    Semi Expat - thank you for your kind comments, very morale boosting
    Legend - do not think Boy 2 was doing anything rude but it just sounded ominous - he and Mr B now claim they cannot remember what he was yanking, it could have been curtain pull, school tie, doorknob, or Boy 1's leg...or fridge door or tablecloth or wardrobe door, the possibilities are endless but none of them reassuring.. Legion Junior will go far in life with that sort of forensic questioning technique, I am thinking the Bar or Parliament..

  23. I'm so far behind reading blogs let alone writing my own. I just caught up with this one now.
    Blighty you bitch, now I have a broken rib to add to broken back.
    Even Bronny the hero fire rescue, life saving dog, and is of course allowed to share my electric therapeutic wonder bed, and really is stone deaf, is looking at me trying to work out why I am laughing so much.
    I think you got me at the kitchen chairs.
    Must send Mr B photo of my car, when I can finally cut back on the drugs and actually wake up and get dressed one day.

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