Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Sunday, 27 February 2011

Mud, Midlife Crises and Mayhem

One word to sum up this half-term: MUD.
Rain + boys + football in the garden = MUD x 10000000.
Sometimes the mud stays in the garden.
But more often than not it comes INSIDE THE HOUSE.
Coating boys.
And their kit.
And the walls.
The floor.
The bath.
The shower.

(Dear K., sorry I sent your children home today with a large plastic bag of mud.  If you dig around you should find their clothes and shoes in there somewhere.  Don't worry about letting me have the mud back, you can keep it, we have plenty here, and I know you will enjoy it - it's organic).

What was once a lawn, is now a treacherous mud wrestling arena.
Hey. Silver lining.
Must contact GirlonGirlAction TV...

While I am busy with my mud/mop midlife crisis, Mr B is having a midlife moment of his own.

He would really like one of these.

Taken from MenoPorsche website, vroom vroom

Then a few months ago he wanted to buy one of these.

Some sort of electric guitar

No, he can't play the guitar but that's not the point.

The latest is he wants to get one of these.
Take from WaterRower website, sploosh, sploosh

Yep, a rowing machine.

Look, they come in different finishes and really set off your decor a treat.

You could also hang trousers on them, or a train a plant to grow up them.
Or spend the evening looking at them, like this couple. What fun!

Maybe you are wondering where the mayhem comes in.  It doesn't.  We take things steady at Blighty HQ.   I just needed another "m" word.

But I do have some important correspondence update news.

Do you remember I read this fab book recently?

Well I emailed Ms Bussman to tell her how much I enjoyed it and she emailed me back.  How kind and polite of her.  I was so thrilled I wanted to email her back and swear undying devotion and become her new best friend but Mr B warned me: "That would be stalking and we have already talked about that."  He is no fun these days.

 I also had a reply to my tragic empty Crunchie letter. They kindly sent us a £2.50 voucher.  But sadly their letter was a standard form one. I don't think they really took my letter seriously for some reason.

Well the boys go back to school tomorrow. Just in time.  Can't take much more boy humour.  I leave you with their "joke" of the week ( I use the term "joke" in its widest possible sense) :
Boyz:  "Mumeeeee, what do you call a winged horse?"
Mrs B: "Er, dunno."
Boyz: "Pegasus."
Mrs B: Fascinating.
Boyz: "Right, so what do you call a winged willy?"
Mrs B: "Leave me alone, I'm on the loo."
Boyz (through bathroom door):  "Penisus!"

 (Cue raucous laughter, collapsing onto floor, shrieking etc.  Really must get myself under control).

I blame the parents. I really do.


  1. That is a funny joke. I'll have to share that with my husband - his sense of humor sounds similar to your boys'.

    I'm interested to find out what Mr.B's next mid-life crisis desire is. Climbing tall mountains? A Harley Davidson? Leather pants?

    And what an odd ad for the rowing machine - You would think one of those two people would actually be ON the machine instead of staring at it.

  2. Grinning widely here, except about the mud because I know it's really not that funny. You're a good sport. Enjoy tomorrow!

  3. Do you think the boys may have conspired to get as filthy as possible? Never mind Blights for you are a top Mum to let them frollick in the mud and get dirty as boys should. I found hosing clothes and boy down outside worked a treat although in your neck of the woods one might still be at risk of hypothermia.
    Oh my how funny is the rowing machine advert. Of course it would look right at home in your lounge room Blights lol.

  4. I'm laughing out loud. If Mr B gets the rowing machine, you get the Rolex. How's that for alliteration!

  5. Dear Mrs Blighty, This is the thing about girls - no so much with the mud. Having said this, mud means Spring doesn't it? This is good, isn't it? My eldest told me to tell you that that is a boy/dad joke. Poor Mr LiC, he does have a hard time being the only male in the family. The rowing machine is rather sculptural - why a rowing machine rather than the standard exercise bike? We have one and I am waiting for Mr LiC to use it. Why don't we start having our own mid life crises? I will start mine by looking for another Hermes scarf... Lindaxxx

  6. Oh Dear God in Heaven-that Mud! Those rowing machines! That 2 pound 50 voucher!

    Meanwhile how great did Old Colin Firth look at the Oscars???

    So bored being a stay at home mother and it is frigging 33 degrees (so so so so hot.)

    Don't let Mr B get the rower or the car. You'll just have to clean them you know....Nothing in it for you Darl xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  7. Thanks goodness you live such a long way away Blights as my boys would be at yours in a heartbeat!

  8. Looking at exercise equipment is great fun. Ours is in the bedroom and doubles as a wardrobe for Mrs Legend's clothes. The only creatures benefitting from the excercise potential are the spiders. Watch out he doesn't come home with a soccer team reciept in his pocket.

  9. Oh goodness! Uppity French women (and probably Australian women too) pay good money to be slathered in that kind of muck. You could be sitting on a potential fortune! You need to investigate setting up your own day spa stat!

    Boo to the 2.50. That's dreadful. Do they not know who you are??

    Mr B can speak to Mr K about buying cars. He went out to buy a sports car and WE came home with a Volvo cross country wagon. Guess who wears the car buying pants in our house?

  10. That joke is priceless! I'll have to pass that along to my 11-year-old grandson ...

  11. Oooooh Siggi B wants a penusis right now.

  12. These mid life crisis items are all fine. It's the mid life crisis that manifests as a receipt for an S&M hooker while he is supposedly on a golfing weekend. Didn't happen to me, but I know a lady to whom it DID happen *folds arms*

    The muck looks great. Sadly, if it's warm enough to be mucky, then it's probably warm enough to start GARDENING!!! *eep*

    I've not been in the greenhouse since November. Can one die of greenfly lung?

    Ali xxxxx

  13. Adrienne, hello there! Mr B read your comment and his eyes lit up at the leather pants - it's ok, I'll send the dry-cleaning bills to you;
    Town and Country - am wondering if ok to use pressure hose on small boys?
    American in Bath - glad you laughed, take some deep breaths and think about your tax return, that should do it;
    Anne-Marie - please don't encourage Mr B with the rowing machine; am planning on introducing him to new exciting exercise concept, the Vac Ume Klee-NA (registered trade mark); he can wear lycra while using it;
    Deb - I like your thinking Debs, excellent alliteration idea!
    Linda - shocked that your lovely, mature girls did not enjoy the willy joke! Reinforces the need for me to keep the da Boyz away from gurls till they have grown up a bit - 30 seems about right. Count me in for the Hermes Midlife Crisis - 1 rowing machine = 4 scarves right?
    FF - stop already, my life as at home muvva is full of excitement; today it's cleaning mud off the walls and trying to find the living room floor under the boyz homemade trampoline cushion area
    Siobhan - the more the merrier! The lovely thing about boys is they all muck (excuse the pun) in together and play footie; girls seem more wary and want to be sure they like actually like each other, agree on make up choices etc ..?? actually don't know anything about gurls;
    Legend - god no, Mr B is technically a Geordie and supports Newcastle, generally a heartbreaking allegiance;
    Miss Kitty-Cat - the Blighty Spa Experience with Thalassowhatsit and thermal vests..
    Lillian - your grandson is probably very grown up and sensible and will tell you off for being silly;
    Louise - he just needs to add wings;
    Alison - god that's awful, a golfing weekend, shocking. Must admit in my heart of hearts I Hate Gardening, it's so - garden-y and needs doing again and again, I want a handsome young gardener, and also a chap to do the gardening for me; Mr B has a shed where he keeps the mower, I never go there, so that's probably where he hides Miss Whiplash.
    Thanks everyone for your lovely comments. Right, I'm off to excavate the living room. xx

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