Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
cannot guarantee nut-free

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Rubby and Chest

Not Mrs Blighty! From
Dahlings, I do apologise for the lack of posting.  I have been prevented from Telling All due to a Super Injunction  - Mr B****** obtained a court order stopping me from publishing details of our relationship and family life, including our d*****  p****** .    But the gagging order has now been lifted, following a further hearing at the High Court where I represented myself and gave an exhaustive 4 hour presentation, at the end of which the judge woke up and ruled no one was the slightest bit interested and he now wanted lunch.

So on I go, doing freedom of speech and whatnot.

Now we all know small boys move in mysterious ways, and Boy 2 is no exception.  If he decides something is called something, that is what it is called, despite all evidence to the contrary and despite the entire world calling it something else.

For example, rugby, that game played in winter, the object of which is for boys to get covered in mud and mothers to get hypothermia. Boy 2 insists it is called Rubby.*

And now Boy 2 has joined Daphnes4Boy$ Chess Club.  He maintains it is called Chest.

He is very keen on Chest these days.  I can't actually play, but Boy 2 has been teaching me.

He expertly took me through each piece and how they move:
"And this Mummy, is a prawn."
"Er, sweetie, they are pawns, not prawns. Prawns are a kind of seafood, like shrimps."
"Yes, they are small like shrimps, they are shrimpy, that's why they are called prawns."
"Darling, they really are pawns."
"I call them prawns".  End of discussion.

Oh well, I am just thankful that Chest and Rubby don't get combined, if you see what I mean.

In other news, Boy 2 has to do the dreaded English Speaking Board exam.  He has to recite a poem learnt by heart, read a passage chosen from a book and give a talk on an object or game
Boy 2 has chosen a bit from "Mr Gum and the Power Crystals" by Andy Stanton

I have already suffered through the English Speaking exam with Boy 1.  Fairly traumatic due to Boy 1's refusal to learn his poem properly, and the deliberate substitution of the wrong words (mainly butt and willy). But we managed. Just.

So, no worries, I will just recycle Boy 1's talk again for Boy 2. 

Now what was it?  OOh, I did visual aids and everything, I remember now!

Ah. The talk.  It was on Chest.
And the different pieces.
Including prawns.

Maybe time for a rethink.

Good posture is important when giving a presentation

No, not like this Boy 2!

* These days I am watching a lot of cricket matches, I feel just like Liz Hurley watching old Shane Warne, she wears slinky jeggings and a little corsety top, I wear 3 jumpers and Boy 1's cagoule; at the end of the match Liz puckers up and gives old Warnie a kiss; I chase Boy 1 round the field trying to get him to give his nose a good blow...


  1. I love the stories of your boys. But Mr. B, I am worried, this is just PRETEND d***** p****, right?

  2. This does sound rather torturous. Is it a way of creating national unity? Or is it a way of avoiding too many people clamoring for the position of speaker of the commons?

  3. Rubby and Chest, that's so cute!
    As an American, I'm impressed that you still teach your children to speak in England. Colleges in the U.S. are considering allowing students to tweet their questions to professors rather than standing up and opening their mouths and forcing a few words to come out. My students increasingly use text language in their written assignments now. WTF, as it were? Anyway, good luck to Boy 2 on his exams, I'm sure he'll do great!

  4. Gosh, I don't know how to play Chest either, so what's wrong with Boy 2's pronunciation Blighty?
    What is d star p star?
    Where is Boy 1?
    What happened to Mr B after the Judge ruled against him?

    These are very important questions to slow witted old ducks with broken backs.

  5. I see all is normal in the Blighty household.

  6. Dahling I suffered 5 years of summer (and our summers are scorchers) cricket when my lad was young and let me tell you I Did Not dress like Ms Hurley.
    English Speaking Board exam..please explain the merits of this test Blights. And like Lou I need d star p star translated cause my brain is tired today.
    Ps. I miss when you don't blog often but don't feel pressure from the likes of me who still has not taken the plunge.

  7. Dear Mrs Blighty, Thank goodness Free Speech won out. If I were Mr B, I would be doing lovely things that my wife would feel compelled to record. I congratulate Boy 2 on his steadfastness - pretty soon if not already, you and your entire extended family will speak unconcernedly about rubby and prawns. I now refer to that craft activity involving gluing bits of tile as mosaical. We also use the word "scally" derived from scalliwag to describe behaviour, dogs, mothers who won't do what they are told... I don't think we have an English Speaking Exam in Australia which might explain a lot. I am sure with a little bribery and corruption Boy 2 will do you proud! Lindaxxx

  8. Dear Ladies, thank you for all your lovely comments. Now the court order has been lifted I am able to reveal that d***** p****** is droopy peonies - shocking or what? still lamenting my lack of gardening skills! xx

  9. I must tell you that Vixy Chestrub was one of the names I seriously considered for my Burlesque name. Honestly.

    I did want to be Paige Turner, but that name was taken and it is Not The Done Thing to duplicate names.

    Sonshine insists on megnut being grated onto his pasta. I just cough a lot and grate the megnut with a flourish.

    Loved your superinjunction bit. I don't care who Ryan Giggs sleeps with. I would rather he took it on the chin and gave the £80k injunction fee away to charity. I'd think a damn sight more of him for that, for sure. Oh dear, just read what I wrote 'took it on the chin'. ROFPML - maybe he did take it on the chin. The inevitable 'sex tape' will surely do the rounds on yootyoob now and we will see for our selves :-D

    Ali x

  10. Err I don't know d star and p star either. I do admit to being slow of wit. You don't want to know how long it took me to work out what WTF stood for. I never use it in case I slightly got it wrong. It is a bit like those song lyrics you think you know and enthusiastically sing out loud until one day some b****** shatters your illusions completely with the correct words which in my opinion are never as good as my interpretation.

  11. Legend Jr and myself have similar conversations. "Daddy, can I have a grabbling hook?"
    "Don't you mean a grappling hook", I suggest, pointing to the spelling in the online Encyclopedia Britannica.
    "What do they know," he sneered back.
    What indeed!

  12. Hilarious, my 6 year old also used to call it chest. He also used to like performing on the "plano". My grandmother still can't pronounce pizza, so I guess it may be hereditary (either that or because she's from Wales, not that there's anything wrong with that).


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