Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Friday, 27 May 2011

All Normal Chez Blighty*

Boy 1 ready for some disco action
Dahlings! A quick post while I have the chance - Boy 1 is at yet another disco and Boy 2 has (illegally) reconnected the Wii and I am pretending I haven't noticed...

This time the disco is at the girls' school - St Britneys.  When Boy 1 learnt the venue, he nodded sagely and muttered, "Enemy territory."  Should I have asked Mr Cameron for a spare Apache, for air cover?  What if the mission goes wrong and Boy 1 goes native, and is found years later on the netball court, wild eyed and covered in hairclips, bangles and glitter?

Highlights of this week have been Boy 1's new cricket bat and cricket wheelie bag, and Boy 2's wounded foot - caused by an attempt to scale his wardrobe one night after lights out, for reasons known only to Boy 2 and assisted only by a rickety chair. Result - terrific thump, wailing, school attendance wearing one school shoe and one bright red Croc and mad hoppy-skippy walking (to emphasise the incredible pain and amazing braveness of the Afflicted One).

This is so totally rad and happening, Boy 2 like totally owns this look and rocks it like majorly
The combination of the new cricket bag and the foot incident really made me wonder about the Blighty gene pool. Picture the scene: I decant Cricket Boy and Hoppalong Cassidy from the car after school; Hoppalong gets to the door first but wobbles at the threshold; Cricket Boy, fresh from a cricket match where his team triumphed over the Weeny Tweenies under 5s, pushes past in a manly, sportsmanlike way, his new cricket bag slung over his shoulder; unfortunately he has not worked out that the bag is wider than the he wedges himself in the door and practically knocks himself out, and narrowly avoids bringing down old Hoppalong who is tottering behind him...
I didn't help by dissolving into mad laughter but really...what a pair! !
 Is there any hope for those two I wonder?**  Could they perhaps play Thompson and Thomson in a Tintin adaptation?

This is wider than the door apparently, it should have an Elf and Safety Notice on it and so should the door frame

My handydandy calendar which has funny quotes for each day (and quite frankly is getting on my nerves with its relentless jollity) featured this the other day:

I like a challenge so I whipped up a cake -  yes, Mrs Blighty, Having It All.  But I had a chocolate fudge icing malfunction - it was so runny, not only did it run off the cake but the top of the cake started to slide off the bottom, in sinister slo-mo.  You never see Nigella's top sliding off her bottom, as it were. (Although no doubt some tapes will surface at some point).

And of course,  the main news is that, having managed a few days at school, the Boys are now on holidays AGAIN.  You know how fashionistas do that "Cost per Wear" calculation - if you buy a dress which costs £800 and wear it 10 times it only costs why not buy a dress that costs £10 and wear that 10 times and it will work out even cheaper???)...well, I hate to think of the Cost per Wear on a Daphne4Boy$ uniform...but don't worry, I am doing my best to bring the cost down by forcing Boy 1 to wear a blazer whose sleeves now stop just below his elbows... I tried to do the same with the PE shorts until the music teacher took me to one side and explained that there wasn't a part for a falsetto in the school choir...

* I have to thank Debs for this title; Debs is a loyal and witty commenter, who made me laugh by commenting recently that everything seemed "normal as usual" in the Blighty household.
** Should Boy 1 take up the double bass?  I have to come clean and fess up to similar door width/turning in corridor/  misshaps with a cello in my yoof..


  1. With 3 cricket playing boys, and one with an amazing propensity to damage himself astoundingly badly with balls of the basketball, cricket and football variety, I could only cry with laughter at your boys' scarily familiar scrapes. No wardrobe injuries yet but it is only a matter of time...

  2. Reality show! Reality show!

  3. I'm still confused by icing sugar. How precisely is that supposed to work, I wonder?

  4. Oh Blighty - I am so glad things are back to normal as usual in your household!

    I would be more worried about the cost per visit for school rather than the CPW of the uniforms!! I have all this to look forward to.

    Re the icing, stick the cake in the freezer. Nigella does it all the time!

  5. Oh Blighty, I see I have much to look forward to when my oldest reaches disco age. As he is already showing much promise in cricket (according to his father) I am now forewarned with possible cricket bag injuries etc.

    As for School Uniforms, I'm with you on that one. My son's school uniform, recently redesigned by well known Australian gay fashion designers (ie have never had children) has "casual" and "formal" options (ie now twice the price). For the cost of the "casual" polo shirt, I expected a few polo ponies romping across it. I'm all for making him wear it on weekends and holidays too. The washing instructions on the uniform have also provided me with much mirth (and of course I have been following them to the letter and hand washing his socks inside out and drip drying in the shade).

  6. Well, am I honoured or what! Carry on.

  7. Hey Blights,
    Why was Boy 2 wearing his pyjamas to school in the shoe photo?
    Please, please, please tell me that boy 1 wore a singlet like Sly's to the disco - the Britney's girls would have gone wild!

    Re cake sliding, I have story about making a cake and icing it with butter icing, while on the boat (enemy territory for me most of the time), up in the Louisiade Archipeligo - which is off the Coast of New Guinea. I had to take it to a Native Village where everyone lives traditionally.

    Hmm loading cake into tender to go ashore, as cake was passed down to tender skipper (and husband) icing slip off the cake - honestly, the cake was left nude.
    We were near the equator though - so was predictable really.


  8. can you add peed to slip in last para
    tee hee

  9. Oh God - take out one e!

  10. I see a pattern forming here whereby my comments are often following Lou's.
    Anyway, you crack me up my dear, just love your humour to bits.
    I've said it before and I'll say it holidays again! Do you guys ever have a term that lasts longer than 4 weeks?
    The male species are so adorable don't you agree, when there is illness/injury to gloat over?
    I'm sure the cake still tasted A1 Blights.

  11. This is brilliant - as usual!

    I looked at your son's feet photo and it could have been Sonshine's feet - same school shoes, same crocs!

    The thing about the bag being wider than the door - classic!!!

    Sonshine is not interested in discos. Doesn't go to any school discos at all. He doesn't like girls, only Minecraft, Lego and now *sigh* Warcraft.

    Brill post (as usual) that made me guffaw.


    Ali x

  12. Classic Blighty! That is one posh cake plate too!

  13. Oh i can totally picture the boys & the doorway with the bag routine!! I have 4 all trying to shove themselves through the one door with bags & sports gear at once, one day they'll work it out, orderly, single file, takes the same amount of time.
    As for school uniforms, i do the buy large, lasts for ever routine, plus have 3 of the same gender but twins cancel each other out as hand-me-downs, someone needs new from the big sister!! As for the boy, all new all the time & yes, his high school blazer had better last years. Love Posie
    (not anonymous, i'm stuck not being able to sign into Blogger, damn it)

  14. You probably speak really quickly, don't you? :)

  15. I wish I could learn to read the minds of small boys - what makes scaling a wardrobe before going to sleep such a good idea? My eldest fell off the top bunk doing similar stunt stuff - a&e next morning as legs were apparently not working. nurse asks him to show her how his light-up bob the builder slippers worked. cue tap-dancing miraculously recovered boy...


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