Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Mr Blighty is in Da House and Da Village

Mr B never tells me too much of his movements, are it were. I am informed on a strictly need to know basis, usually at the last minute. I used to fantasise that this was because, rather than being a government lawyer sitting in an office all day drafting laws about financial products, dredging in the Thames or off shore banking for low income families, he was in fact a highly trained M15 (or M16 can never remember which is which) operative, sort of like Daniel Craig with a law degree. And glasses. And less muscles. And a better understanding of when to use semi-colons.

But the truth I am afraid is less exciting. He does not tell me his plans too far in advance in case I plan home improvements for him to do. Or make him stay with Grandma Whacker (where she gets him to do home improvements).

So, to my surprise, he is now on holiday. Not in the office. At home. Here. With me. Till September.

It's nice and yet....

It's hard to get used to having him around, I feel like those wives whose husbands have retired. Already, only 2 hours into his hols, he gave me some interesting insights into how to do the washing up better. Bless.

The other day he came to the supermarket with me. Which was sweet, and yet.... he kept disappearing with the trolley, each time I tracked him down to find him looking at the car magazines, or soy sauce, or cat food. We don't have a cat. Although less boisterous than the boys, he was harder to keep track of - I can tell where they are by the shouting, crashing noises, old ladies flinging themselves out of the way of the trolley and giving me black looks and muttering about parents are to blame.. Also I can shout at the boys, which I enjoy.

And, as this week the boys are doing a cricket course I had planned a little trippette to a high end retail discount outlet called Bicester Village, in Oxfordshire. Which I like to do sans Mr B. And his calculator.

But you can't keep a Blighty from a shopping trip. Mr B agreed to come with. I did my best to prepare him emotionally. I explained there would be shops, consumer goods, use of plastic, and general debauchery. If he was very good I would even let him have a coffee.

Bicester Village on a very rainy day

Mrs B locked onto target. Jeez,woman, get your highlights done! Or go brown. Two tone is not cool! And what's with the anorak? Ok, yes, it was raining, but where's your Burberry? OOh, you don't have one! OOh!

Window of N Peal Cashmere, nice tiger!

All very fancy schmancy, Mr B complained there was no Primark.

Dresses were tried on in DVF, the tweedy looking number was particularly hideous. The wrap dress was the best, but I already have similar (cheaper) dresses! The one in the middle was very geometrical - education value for boys and their maths??

A jolly time was had, despite the rain and the pervading smell of DRAINS. Yes, drains is the new thing - Grandma Whacker, Anne-Marie http::// Bicester Village all are having drainage issues, er, problems. There is nothing like the smell of sewage to add that delightful frisson to your high class shopping experience! Bicester, you need Grandma W, Mr UnSpellableski and their sticks, they are good workers, they just need a nice sit down, a nice cup of tea and a nice read of the Daily Mail once a day.

When we got home I bewundered our purchases, as the Germans almost certainly don't say.

Discounted top from The White Company, I have been obsessed with LPC's standalone top since first I saw it on her blog. I do mean her shirt, not her actual top..

Purses for the boys from Cath Kidston, as Boy 1 lost his last purse (my purse) on a school trip to Cadbury Chocolate World he now tells me; we are doing pocket money in an attempt to instill financial responsibility; would I like pocket money too? HaHa, Mr B, Ha Ha; and candles from Penhaligon, and apron for me to turn me into Stepford Wife!! Mr B splurged on big important pants, £5 from Ralph Lauren, for sleeping in. I got Boy 1 similar pants from The White Company. So they can both sit round in their important pants and do male bonding and stuff.

So that's it. But don't worry, today Mr B gets his own back. We are going with the boys to Wembley to see England play Hungary at football. I'll definitely need a Burberry for that.


  1. Hi again B.
    Tell boy 2 real Aussie blokes don't have to wash their hands before handling snakes (BTW in North Qld snakes are never named Bruce!) and crocodiles. I'm thinking I could send one of our chihuahua's over to Blighty mansions with FF as a sort of exchange.
    Arnie's about the size of FF's Temple Dog, he was rescued from a really sad cruelty situation, with his brother Siggi. Arnie's really smart, very cute, he is adored by small boys and big lawyers who love semi colons, and he could borrow my fuchsia pink Hermes twilly to wear if he got to accompany B and FF to Crooks and Grannies. Tell Mr B that Arnie knows all about the Oxford Comma as well!
    I am still sooooo glad you are back. Thanks for posting so speedily after the big trip to Grandma's.

  2. Good Lord my head is spinning with the different time zones, I've only just finished commenting on your 'Back from Grandma's' post.
    Nice side-on shot Blighty, are you preparing us for a front-on reveal?
    Whats this...high end designer discount clobber and no stampede of frantic shoppers fighting for bargains?

  3. Oh I am so glad you did a review of Bicester Village! We'll be there in a few short weeks. I am mentally preparing Mr Kitty for the debauchery and flagrant abuse of his credit card too!

    And although I feel sorry for you, spare a thought for little old me. Mr Kitty WORKS FROM HOME. Everyday. I get plenty of tips and hints about how to best do the washing up and at what point to clean the lint filter on the washing cycle. At least he maneuvers the Dyson (the Burberry of vaccuum cleaners) around occasionally.

  4. Dear Mrs Blighty, I really think that our husbands love to live dangerously. Mr LiC, like your dear Mr B, thinks nothing of offering all manner of advice on domestic matters. It shows a charming naïveté. What amazing shops and what excellent shopping (I looked and looked at the penhaligon candles when I was in London last year but thought I had done sufficient damage already). There is a very posh street here in Santiago which my friends simply call 'the expensive street'. Out of consideration for Mr LiC's feelings on matters financial I have not yet visited it. Any more 'advice' however...

  5. hi blighty,

    this is all wonderful, having you and the boys back. my world is right again.

    you look lovely in your anorak and your hair looks pretty good to me.

    i used to love grocery shopping with my 3. once i was pushing the cart down the aisle wondering where they had wandered off to and a head of lettuce came flying over from the next aisle and landed right in front of my cart. i was very disappointed that they had missed my cart.


  6. "Which was sweet, and yet.... he kept disappearing with the trolley, each time I tracked him down to find him looking at the car magazines, or soy sauce, or cat food. We don't have a cat."
    thank you for this line!

    the shopping-village, is it like a designers-outlet? they often look like funny villages!

  7. Blighty, I am quite flattered that you like my top. My lace top, understood. Your new one is quite a good find. I also quite like the sound of Boy 1 and Boy 2 and would love to hear said yelling as I imagine it to be very creative. Boy 3 appears to be quite helpful. Well done all around and quite Burberry-worthy.

  8. Your husband and mine could be mates! Hate shopping with the hubby. Your hair looks very nice to me and your purchases are excellent.

  9. Oh be still my beating heart. You know how I live and love to source high end discounted clobber. And all in one convenient locale. Well done.

    I cannot believe the hell that various people are experiencing with their drains. It's just Not Right.

    Enjoy Wembley xx

  10. Too funny and yet... so true!

  11. You look need to stress about your tresses...looks like fun destination shopping...that's a good long holiday for MR.B...let's see the hat when you are at Wembly!

  12. So glad to see you BIA. I keep reading and reading - each of your hilarious sentences/phrases topping the previous. DH is already wondering why I'm constantly snickering, and I'm trying my best to translate - certainly a task, but definitly worth to see him grinning as well. best regards, HM

  13. Erm, when you say 'purses' what is the non English word for this? I'm picturing young boys gallivanting about with handbags.

  14. Louise - so pleased to hear that Arnie wears a pink Hermes Twilly! How chic!
    Dear Kitty Cat - Mr Blighty takes a great interest in the lint filter on the tumble drier, he and Mr K have a lot in common; friends whose husbands work from home say they are always in the kitchen making toast;
    Dear Linda in Chile - you must go to the posh shopping street in Santiago and report back to us girls!
    Janet - awesome about the lettuce, won't tell my boys because it would give them ideas; their speciality is running me over with the trolley, so annoying and so uncool to have trolley wheel marks up one's face;
    Paula - exactly, it's a designer outlet place;
    LPC - Boys 1 and 2 v good at shouting, except when in school plays when they suddenly go all quiet and shy..
    Deb - husbands are definitely a restraining influence and make unhelpful comments like "haven't you got one like that already?"
    FF - I am developing a complex, what if it's not the drains, what if it's me?
    L and Hair-mess - thanks for the compliments
    Hostess - yes a lovely long holiday for Mr B, and he expects to be fed too, extraordinary!


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