Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Mrs Blighty's Nooks and Crannies

YooHoo, we are back from Grandma's!

Went as well as could be expected. Small hiccup when Boy 1, incensed by Grandma eating his chips in a restaurant, flumps about so much he ends up toppling onto the floor face first with his chair on top of him. Cue desperate maternal flutterings, application of ice to bruised face, wailing, tears, runny nose, the works. Meanwhile Boy 2, ever the opportunist, quietly polishes off the disputed chips.

Grandma also had a problem with her drains. (Glamour as always with Blighty, eat your heart out Ivana Trump!) One day we came home to find Grandma (aged 80) and her Polish neighbour Mr UnSpellableski (at least 85) with the covers off the manholes, happily poking around with sticks. Such a lot to look forward to in later life, ladies, can't wait! I should have got a picture for you but without AromaVision you wouldn't get the full experience anyway.

Look at this little chap we met while at Grandma's.

One day the boys got it into their heads they wanted a dog. I suggested we start with a guinea pig. We went to look at them. Boy 2 was particularly desperate to get one there and then. This one was too young to leave his mum. Of course by the next day all had been forgotten. Phew. Mr B said no way, he was NOT having a guinea pig in the house. Maybe a dog one day. A small dog with strong nerves.

Before I went to Grandma's I carried out Operation Hanger. I found Hanger Heaven in TKMaxxxxxx (my spiritual home).

I also swung by Crooks and Grannies (I have re-named it Grannies to reflect its normal clientele). Look, a Faux Fuchsia temple dog, all by himself. A small dog with strong nerves. Perfect.

I liked these ones too.

I have also embraced false roses (foses??).

The silhouette thingie is supposed to be me, it was done years ago, can't think where, Grandma found it at her house. There is a lot of artistic licence going on. My hair never looked like that, long and wavy. It is as straight as , er, better not write that, don't want to be sued...

These are real flowers, Mr B gave them to me this week for our wedding anniversary. 12 years. 12 long years. 12 long, hard years - ok Mr B, that's enough.
Meanwhile I push on with the educational quotes. I have finished Double Drink Story, the book by Caitlin Thomas about her life with Dylan. To summarise, they went to the pub a lot, got drunk and fell over. I admire her stamina. She must have had the constitution of an ox. She had 3 children with Dylan, and after his death, went to live in Italy where she got together with an Italian chap. In her late forties she noticed she was putting on weight around her middle, a doctor diagnosed swollen something or other, she did lots of frantic exercise like riding to lose the weight, yes, you guessed, she was pregnant and had a son.

I liked the inspirational message above, on display at the cricket pitch where Boy 2 played cricket this weekend. "Unacceptable" - that's telling them, now I'm scared! Boy 2 didn't want to go to cricket and put up quite a fight, but shot himself in the foot a bit by shouting " I don't want to go to tennis!"

Boys 1 and 2 have been working on their own motivational material. They got the Nintendo Wii back (which has spent more time confiscated than being played on, due to anger management and florid language issues ). Boy 1 penned this helpful aide memoire - they have been warned that it's 3 strikes and then the thing gets sold on Ebay. Remember, if the red mist descends, say "Machete" 5 times. Why "machete"? Should I be worried?


  1. Congratulations on 12 years...sounds like you had a fun time at your Mom's home.
    Interesting read by the sound of it...

  2. OMG we are soooo living parallel lives. I have to giggle. Our Nintendo remains confiscated more than it is used. My Boy 2 also is an opportunist like you've never seen.... oxen constitution... doesn't even blink when he goes in for the kill (or fries). I too have been married, well 13 years. AND the drain problem!... parallel... Grandma is so brave even using a stick... I had the Norsca Towelettes under my nose the whole time, the last time I went through it. Hubby has been lighting scented candles! while I'm out of town... very in touch with his feminine side. Must try the machete... we just count to 10 very slowly with deep breaths... but remain just as angry... doesn't work... will try machete. A-M xx

  3. Hi ladies, nice to hear from you all again, A-M, so sorry about your drain problem, try the machete on the landlords! only joking!

  4. Welcome back Blighty! We missed you! I can highly recommend the purchase of a guinea pig - I had several when I was young and they are great pets. Just make sure you get a boy - unfortunately I got a girl and um... Well let's just say she didn't stay lonely for long.

  5. Thank God you are back! I don't really know how Bruce the snake will really go with that guinea pig to be honest...I hate guinea pigs. I consider them a furrier hairier version of a rodent.

    Like the foses. I'm a big believer in forchids and faux flowers because of their refusal to up sticks and die.

    Can't believe you found my temple dog's missing family!

    Congrats on 12 years- hope you got a Rolex. Or at least a Folex xxxx

  6. hi blighty,

    i'm so glad you are back. i've missed you and the boys terribly. i'm still laughing at the comment you made re slim's home being in the mag. as you well know, you kill me.


  7. Hi there Blighty! LOVE your blog; I'm an interloper via "Faux Fuchsia", and I've just signed on as a follower; so take me wherever you will!
    I've found your comments on FF hilarious, so I look forward to your future posts.
    xx from Australia

  8. Me again! Oh blighty, you are TOO funny,my sides are aching after reading back through previous posts, particularly one back in June;"The Charge of the Light Brigade". You wanted to call your house "Norfolk King Way"!
    Although, here in OZ that wouldnt work, we have an Island called Nor-FOLK, pronounced in Oz-speak thus, with the emphasis on "Folk"
    Useless information- I lived in Norfolk UK before honouring OZ with my presence. xx

  9. Thanks so much for coming back. It's been no fun without you.
    Hangers, foses, temple dogs, that visit from Faux Fuchsia must fast approaching. Grab some fulch and you'll be all ready for her garden inspection too.
    Did boy 2 get his invitation from Townsville. We have superior chips and snakes here.

  10. Great to see you back Blighty, was about to send out the search party.
    Been down the road of guinea pig ownership. Yes they are adorable but do little other than eat and poo.
    Did you buy the FF blue dog with strong nerves?
    Love the sign. Very British and proper.
    Boy 1 has a delightfully vivid imagination...deatheaters and machetes.
    Oh and Happy Anniversary.

  11. Dear ladies, so cheering to hear from you all.
    Miss Kitty - I had a guinea pig when little I had great fun chasing it through the hedge when it escaped its cage, but on balance have to agree with Anne-Marie, they really don't do much, and as it is me who would have to clean it out...think a dog would be better, but again it would be me looking after it, so do I really want a dog? also dog would be bound to develop behavioural problems and cost me a fortune in school fees and therapy...
    Faux Fuchsia - Mr B says you are very sound on the guinea pig question, he agrees with you 100 %; but he is not so impressed with your reference to the Rolex, he has stumped off for a soothing read of his Constitutional Reforms and No More Free Bus Travel for the over 70s Act;
    Bodie, hello there and welcome, I'm mad bad and dangerous to know, and sometimes even have 2 biscuits with my cup of tea;
    Louise - yes, I am on full FF visit alert, I have advertised for some more hygienic children and Hugh Grant has agreed to stand in for Mr B for an enormous fee and as long I promise never to contact him again; I have rented out Cliveden and hope to pass it off as Blighty Mansions. Boy 2 desperate to come to Townsville, but says he needs to be home by 5pm tonight as there is Pokemon Power Rangers Ninja Turtle Dr Who on telly; oh, and when he tells you he has washed his hands, he never has, and don't under any circs test by sniffing his hands, A-M's drains problem will appear fragrant by comparison;
    Anne-Marie - oh no, I had forgotten about the deatheater, Boy 1 obviously has ishoos, he either needs professional help or he could become a traffic warden..

  12. Dear Janet, of course i had to make silly comment about Slim's house as am soooo jealous of anyone whose house does not have an artistic sprinkling of Lego over all surfaces and whose living room is not used as a football pitch. xx

  13. I mean it Blighty re Boy 1. I'm a teaching assistant and love kids with interesting imaginations. He sounds a hoot!

  14. loving all the FF/Blighty Cross Over Communal Blogging!


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