Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Wednesday 6 February 2013

Free the Car Park Two and the Price of Celebrity Accessories

Dahlings, how are we all? Eye lash extensions? Really? Me? Nope, but I do have a new vacuum cleaner...yes, I know I have already mentioned it but I have to get maximum mileage of it, what can I say, things are quiet round here.. No, the vacuum cleaner does not have eyelash extensions either.

But the vacuum cleaner is causing me worry. It works fine but it's the name: Sebo.  It's like one of those sleb (celebrity) names like J-Lo, or Lilo or that singing woman Suebo or ScarJo (Scarlett Johansson, apparently).  I am just waiting for Sebo to be arrested after a fight in a nightclub, or some misunderstanding about some jewellery, or for some tapes to turn up on the internet with Sebo engaging in some hardcore, I mean, hard floor, action.  Plus I am in real trouble if it develops a little sleb style substance abuse problem - with the suction on that thing, it's capable of snorting up the entire narcotics output of Colombia in a couple of days...on the plus side it will probably be literally flying so I can ride it to Tescos..

Meanwhile Grandma Whacker and I have become victims of an outrageous Miscarriage of Justice:  we got a parking ticket at the Happy Valleys Shopping Centre car park.  La Whacker has a special parking card (something to do with shrapnel injuries sustained during WW2, the invasion of Poland, I think.  No, I am joking.  It was on the Russian Front).

Anyway, card has faded due to sun and we got slapped with one of those nasty black and yellow stripey numbers.

But don't worry, we are taking our case right to the very top: we have chained ourselves to the 7th floor of the car park and are not leaving under any circumstances* until the ticket has been rescinded.

In other news I have read this.  It is a thriller, set in Newcastle where Lovely B lives and it even mentions Eldon Square, B's shopping centre de choix.



I watched this, it's ridiculous, over the top and I loved it: gun-toting vigilante middle class housewives...just like me and my other mummy friends..


Took my Midlife Crisis Converse to the supermarket today, where they behaved very badly: they refused to go to the minced beef aisle to get the necessary for a lovely cottage pie.  Instead they shot off to the alcohol section and leered at the vodka, before staggering to Frozen Foods in the hope of picking up vulnerable men buying Ready Meals for one...next time I am wearing my Clarks comfort shoes..

Must go, Grandma W wants me to undo her padlock.


*except for comfort breaks and refreshments - they do a rather nice egg and cress sandwich and pot of tea at Marks & Spencers.



23 comments:

  1. Excellent work Blighty, you can't let something like that slide without taking action! My dad once got a fine for allegedly using a sprinkler whilst the state was under strict water restrictions. He was outraged because he had been unfairly accused, it was the neighbour. So he took it all the way to court and after much eye rolling from the judge, the matter was thrown out. Go Dad! Fighting injustice wherever he sees it. Good luck with your passive resistance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi SarahMac, your dad sounds a force to be reckoned with, good for him.

      Delete
  2. To the Happy Valleys Two: solidarity comrades. Let me assure you (and Mrs Grandma Whacker) that the jobsworth responsible will be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.
    Once we've organised the catering.
    And the uniform.
    And what about a flag?
    And if we have a flag should we have bunting?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes definitely bunting, and matching tablecloths too.

      Delete
  3. Something for Grandma Whacker to get her teeth into - unless parking is council owned, most tickets are unenforceable. Check out moneysavingexpert.com forum to see if what you got matches. It is amusing to match the arrival of letters with their checklist (obviously I have way too much time on my hands)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for this, I love Martyn Lewis and his website, will have a look at this. In fact me and a friend admitted to eachother we would like to marry Martyn as he is just so good as spotting great bargains...we are a pair of soppy romantic fools

      Delete
  4. My new cleaner is still sitting pristine on the carpet (which is not pristine)...haven't actually got around to using it yet! Bring on the robot versions that can do it for you!

    Wow, haven't heard of Suburban Shootout but will have to look it up. Hope justice prevails re the ticket!!

    Melusine x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melusine, you need to pimp up your cleaner with some telescopic sights and ammo and then use it in your own burb shootout..

      Delete
    2. That's a great idea! Plus the Vax cleaner could also clean up any evidence of misdeeds afterwards!

      Delete
  5. With a husband who forgets (or doesn't bother) to display his "special blue parking placard", we have a form letter all ready to tweak and print out, in response to such tickets. "Please find enclosed proof/copy of certificate etc. Forgive any inconvenience, yada, yada" It's worked every time so far.
    He did get a note on his windshield one day, when parked in a disabled spot at the supermarket, with a trailer sticking out behind. It read " These spots are for the physically, not mentally, disabled!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear English Rider, this is very encouraging. Except the bit about mentally etc - that's just rude of them..

      Delete
  6. Oh my word, you and Grandma Whacker let loose in the public together. No wonder you got a ticket. Down Sebo, down!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Debs, the court order says we are not allowed out together unless accompanied by at least 2 responsible adults....

      Delete
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    Stop by my webpage reputation management

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  8. I'm getting a lot of those Anons recently. Maybe we need your super vac to do a deep cleansing. The crack will speed things up

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