Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Sunday, 30 September 2012

Why I should never help with homework

Dahlings, long time no blog!

So Boy 1 has started Really Big School, no more Daphnes4Boyz, country club with lessons. Now he is at the local state* grammar school for boys, let's call it Greggs Grammar.

After a carefree summer my big boy put away his shorts and T-shirts and went back to the daily grind; also Boy 1 went  to his new school

 Keen that Boy 1 makes a good impression, I am helping with homework as required.

Today he had to design some sort of heraldic shield for Religious Instruction.

He got a bit stuck on thinking up a motto.

"MUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAMMMMM!" he requested softly, in his usual dulcet tones, "THINK OF A MOTTO. NOW. COME ON!"

I came up with a few suggestions:
Just Do It.
Work, Rest and Play.
Go to work on an egg.
Mind the gap.

No good.

I studied the design carefully. I concluded the key elements were:
fear of heights;
keen on footie and ping pong.

"I've got it", I announced triumphantly:

"Keep Your Feet On the Ground and Your Balls in the Air."

Really I'm wasted here.

In the end Boy 1 opted for the more succint "Believe in my sport." He looked at me with pity: "When you say something you think is funny, you laugh, and then you keep on laughing, long after it isn't funny..." Harsh but fair.

* This means it's FREE. No more school fees. It takes extreme willpower to refrain from throwing myself at the staff, sobbing "I can't believe all this is free, thank you, thank you...."


  1. Heralding your long awaited return, I am given the honor of cheering up Norma No Mates.
    My first born son recently had an assignment involving 30 minutes of non-stop complaining about how much work his teacher assigns, and 15 minutes of completing aforementioned assignment. The assigment involved building a miniature suspension bridge using popsicle sticks and string - and providing a detailed blueprint.
    Now I think I can begin to answer The Professor's question, "I wonder what they *do* teach them at these schools?"

  2. Welcome back Blighty!

  3. How lovely to see you back blogging Blighty, I have missed your posts. I notice you have a newish layout..very nice.

  4. I just can't understand why he didn't go with your motto. He would have attained instant recognition with all his peers.

  5. Welcome back to blogland Blighty, I have missed your insightful posts! Boy 1 appears to have grown like a weed, and turned into a Young Man. Looking forward to hearing of further exploits, as Believe in my Sport plays out in Grammar School. Best wishes to the Blighty Family!

  6. Hello again! So happy to see you back in Blogland.

    Boys - who'd have 'em? Well me too and believe me Big School is not the end of your (or their) problems. I remember coaching Number One Son on the school motto before his interview and when he came back he said he'd just been asked " boats" or "rugby"?

    He now lives in California making webs. I suspect he's Spiderman.

  7. Welcome back! If you can't believe in your sport, what can you believe in, I ask you?

  8. Hello Blighty, I missed your posts. Love the revamped blog. Love your sons motto. My son (aged 6) had to write his "cultural influences" for a poster display in his classroom. We are all into multiculturalism in Australia, you see. Unfortunately, he is 6th Generation Australian (from boring former English migrant background) on both sides. Not a convict in sight, and no culturally vibrant Italian/ Russian/ Indonesian/ Indian heritage things to throw in. He had to fill in a "I believe in....." on his culture mat. Other children had written things like "God". He wrote "Lego". On display in the classroom for all to see as well.

  9. Hi Blighty, so good to see you back! And as hilarious as ever. I too will laugh at your motto suggestion all day long. Love the new layout as well. j.

  10. So happy to see you've got a post up!
    I like the new layout and am thrilled for you that you're not paying for Daphnes4Boyz any longer. Hurrah for free education!

  11. Well done eldest boychild! And yay to no more fees. Clever boy, clever Blighty.


  12. New to your blog - you are hilarious! My kids don't think I'm funny. They are dead wrong :)

  13. So glad you're back. I've missed you! Congrats on going to the Big School. Sonshine started the local secondary in August. So far so good. We've had nothing as interesting as designing a coat of arms and a motto. His motto would need to be 'For Mario and Minecraft'

    Don't disappear again.


  14. Ditto with Ali.
    Our little trooper is studying the Pilgrims and has to adopt a pilgrim name. He chose "Increase", and asked me what he is supposed to increase. I deftly swerved and told him to ask his Mom.


My post is all Norma No Mates, cheer her up by commenting!