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Thursday, 22 December 2011

Christmas Almost Here And Other Worries

Dahlings, finally we are getting a bit Christmassy at Blighty HQ.

Here is an action shot of Boy 1 decorating the tree (Boy 2 had already bunked off, bored with this interior decoration nonsense cutting into his Wii football game time).

You know how dear Faux Fuchsia holds that "Nothing says legal advice like pink tinsel" which is the most beautiful and profound statement ever to grace the internet, in my humble opinion...

Well, to me, "Nothing says Christmas like a sozzled fairy lashed to a Christmas tree": meet Esmeralda, fairy, former good time girl (I can't confirm or deny those rumours that she at one time dated Warren Beatty) and moderate dipsomaniac (sherry mainly).  She is a family character and as old as .....oh never mind..

Here are some more tree shots.  The decoration by Boys 1 and 2 was initially enthusiastic then a bit slapdash....small boys don't bother with the hooks and loops to hang stuff from branches, they basically throw items at the tree and see what sticks...

In other news my Maternal Bosom (junior size) swelleth with pride.  The other night at supper Grandma Whacker (again in residence for Christmas riot control) mentioned that according to the Daily Mail (right wing rag which regularly froths at the mouth over political correctness gone mad) children were now banned from making the star shape with their hands when singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little B list Celebrity" as the star shape in signing for the hearing impaired means lady er parts..

Quick as a flash Boy 1 starts doing some very authentic looking signing...where has he learnt this?  What a talented child!

Boy 2 is laughing like an unblocked drain.

In fact, Boy 2 is laughing just a bit too much.

"What does that mean? Is that real signing?" I ask.

Through fits of giggles Boy 2 explains that Boy 1 has just spelt out "Go Forth and Multiply!"
"You see, Mummy,  X (name of adorable, shy, butter wouldn't melt little friend ) showed us how to do it ages ago."

Cue Maternal Bosom deflation.

In another worrying development, I was very taken with a most pleasant Christmas song I heard on the car radio yesterday - you know the type of thing, some one's nuts roasting over an open fire etc..what a very nice voice that chap has, I thought to myself....

THE HORROR! It was none other than Justin Bieber!
I am now a Belieber, the oldest Belieber in the world...

Please don't tell anyone....


  1. Hello Blights, thanks for my pre-Christmas giggle.
    What a cracker old Esmeralda is lashed to the tree looking like the proverbial sacrificial fairy.
    Your boys are priceless!
    Have a good one Dahlink

  2. And I just thought my son had italian blood. The little bugger has been flipping me off for the last year under the guise of sign language. ALEEXXXXX!!!!

  3. Say hi to Grandma Wacker for me. JB is a Canadian I'm not proud to say. So much for the maternal bosom.
    Have a great Christmas!

  4. OMG am responsible for teaching countless poor children filthy signs. Santa will probably only put potatoes in my stocking now. Sob Sob.

  5. Dear Blights,

    I do miss you. I luff the tree, it's on my blog. i do hope you have a killer time with your Mum, counsin B and the whole fam. I wish I was in London too xxxxxxxxxxxx

  6. hi blighty!!!!!!!!

    and i thought my boys were the only ones who did the throw and stick method of decorating a christmas tree. it sounds like you will be having a lovely christmas. thank you for all your hilarious posts this year. you are a v talented and funny writer. merry christmas and i have to admit that i've never heard a single note that justin kid has ever sung.


  7. Merry Christmas Blighty!! Love your tree and the techniques used to decorate it (we can relate). I particularly love Slapper Fairy xx

  8. Merry Christmas Blighty!!!! I too am a Bieber Virgin - and lets keep it that way!

    Our tree looks fablasl, but Tartarus and Sonshine did it back to front - all the hanging baubles first and then the tinsel and finally the lights. It looks like a festive Dalek.

    Hope you had a lovely time!

    Ali x

  9. Waaaaah, a Belieber? I think I'm going to cry! In other news, I think I'm in love with Esmeralda. She's a classy lady.

  10. Dear Mrs Blighty, I think that Esmé probably looks forward to her enforced rest once a year - particularly after living such a fast life the other eleven months. Chez Blighty might well be the dipso fairies' version of Champneys! Your blog is nothing if not Educational - who knew I would learn the rudiments of a new language? Still, I imagine the standard salute may still serve to indicate an appropriate treatment for recalcitrant drivers, don't you think? I hope that Santa was very good to you, dear Mrs Blighty - that or he did the washing up on Christmas day! love Lindaxxx

  11. Dear All, thank you for your lovely, funny comments. Christmas Day went as well as can be expected - Esmeralda managed to work her way free from the tree - I found her behind the sofa with half a bottle of brandy and one of Santa's elves...but it's better than the time when she and Rudolf and all the other reindeer decided to go skinny dipping in the trifle...

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