Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
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Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Mr Blighty does Project Management and Other Happenings

Life seems eventful at the moment, even if most of the events are nothing to do with me!

Boy 2 enjoyed a little birthday party with a few of his closest friends, which ended in them all wrestling in a sweaty heap on the kitchen floor (why do I never go to that sort of party??)

Mr Blighty discovered a flat tyre on his new bike. The horror!
Mr Blighty discovered his old cycling shorts from 1996. The horror!

Boy 1 left his school library book out in the rain and burst into floods of tears at the thought of taking the soggy mess back to the School Librarian. We spent an evening trying out various drying out techniques - use of Parlux hairdryer (did not add Moroccan oil to speed up drying time); placing by/in tumble dryer and lastly, oven.

Small panic when Mr B came home, and collected his supper from the oven. Would Boy 1 have to explain at school that his father had eaten his school book? (a variation on the dog eating homework scenario). Luckily Mr B was able to tell his supper from a mushed up paperback book; with my cooking that is not as easy as you might think.

Mr Blighty has decided he needs to do Project Management on various home improvement projects mooted for BlightyHQ. He wants to do something important sounding called a Gant Chart. I was summoned to provide a suitable note book. This is what I came up with.

Mr B was not impressed. But I do believe the business world would run much more smoothly and harmoniously if nice books with kittens on were used, though I am also prepared to accept covers with butterflies or pretty flowers.

Bad news here in Blightyland: the government has announced that it is stopping child benefit payments for higher rate tax payers. This is a bitter blow: I only had children to get my hands on the benefit money. I will now have to return the children , but am worried I have lost the receipts for them. Ha! Relax, I am only joking, I am not such a bad mother....the receipts are carefully stored under a magnet on the front of the fridge, so I can get a full refund from the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital maternity ward. Phew!

Mr Blighty has just arrived home from another tumultous day at the Big House (in a quaint custom, a hangover from more civilised times, the lawyer/draftsmen down tools at 5pm and go take tea together; parliamentary democracy as we know it could be undermined if the chocolate Bourbons run out..) He has just caught me staring vacantly at this, from the Zara on line shop.

Hold on, I'll just ask him if I should get a Cherokee necklace.

Well, I really don't think that kind of language is very parliamentary, Mr B. Your dinner is in the oven. Or the tumble dryer. Or the school library.


  1. Dear Mrs Blighty, Please, please resist the imposition of project management techniques. Point out to Mr B that you refuse to be a project resource. Before long, he will start speaking an unintelligible language utilised by this mob and ask you what your bandwidth is on certain tasks which he will call deliverables and worst of all he will do this with a straight face - Okay, clearly I was damaged by my last public service job...

  2. Dear Linda, brilliant! You are very fluent in management-ese. Mr B had better not ask about my bandwith, since having children it has never been the same. You are so funny and faithful with your comments, I really enjoy them, thank you! xx

  3. Can you send Mr Bo over to teach Mr Kitty a bit about moving projects forward? I fear Mr Kitty has been out of the service too long to be an effective project manager. Case in point - yesterday instead of doing the tax returns or working on the house plans, he sat outside in the sunshine yelling to me to come out and join him. I mean, what is a woman supposed to do with that? He's clearly lost the point and needs a crash course in getting the job done.

    PS: I think you should get the necklace. Everyone needs a little bit of Cherokee goodness in their wardrobe.

  4. So when the sons go back from whence they came (with receipts) will your bandwith go back down too?!

  5. A great post which had me laughing- kitten notebook, cooking and hot cycling shorts!

    If you wish you can send me your boys (I'm in Australia- could find it hard to navigate their way home and lots of snakes here too??)... Damn Conservatives... and I LIKED D.C. Boo to them XX

  6. hi blighty,

    glad to see that your household is running so smoothly. i'm starting to think miss linda from chile should be jumping on the blog bandwagon soon, don't you?


  7. Hello Blighty,
    I just knew that the government were going to scrap child benefit payments so took the rather drastic step of removing my family and relocating to Australia!!
    PS Your posts always make me smile x

  8. Working in a library we see all manner of books disasters...
    from sticky pages glued together with honey to swollen beyond fell in the tub as well as the shredded and puppy/little sister chewed it.
    Hopefully the students are not too afraid of the library staff to bring it in and tell us the story...I rarely charge the students...accidents happen!

  9. Just want to say - you make me laugh every time without fail!

  10. I do believe that if everyone had nicer, prettier notebooks in which to scribble down important answers and workings out, the world would be a better place. Perhaps if the government had them they would not have come up with the Child Benefit chaos idea. xx

  11. Janet, I totally agree with you, Miss Linda should start a blog, her comments are sooo funny and her life soo exciting, I feel we all need more! Linda - no pressure, tomorrow would be fine!!
    Miss Kitty - yes but Mr B does not actually make any decisions, he is a perfectionist/procrastinator type, I am a doer/botch it person. together we achieve total paralysis.
    Dear Sophie - have put boys in the post to you, their needs are simple - 8 hours computer time a day, 2 jars Nutella a day, a bath every 3 months..have also enclosed electric cattle prod, comes in useful for encouraging teeth cleaning/breaking up fights
    Deb - one can live in hope
    Bethan - good move, but you must really be missing the constant drizzle broken up with torrential downpours
    Hostess - you are a very kind librarian, I am terrified of the school's librarian..
    Elise - thank you!
    Ivy Black - excellent point: i have popped a kitten notebook in the post to 10 Downing Street; keep watching the news, we are sure to see Dave striding into No 10 with said notebook under his arm.

  12. Blighty, where did you come up with the kitten-cover. It looks a bit scary! Cherokee: yes! But only if it comes with a glossy black-hair-wig made of synthetic fibres plus a huge bowl of punch. Ooops, I slipped into Halloween-mode. Sorry for that!

  13. HI B.
    The doona tog photo was more essay evasion! I'm proud to announce I got an extension for the essay due tomorrow. Have a whole weekend to get it done, so post soon so that I can waste more study time immersed in Blightyland and trying to be a smart alec.
    PS I am really crossing my fingers that we've averted a FF Blog Meltdown.


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