Not suitable for people with irony deficiency and
cannot guarantee nut-free

Sunday, 12 June 2011


Dahlings, I can't believe how long it is since last I blogged. Disgraceful! I really would not want this blog to fall into desuetude.* Although (much to Mr Blighty's amusement) during my breaks in posting I always gain more followers.  Paradoxically*, frequent posting causes me to lose followers - what me, offend people? Shocking!

Well life seems to have been coming at me like a hyperactive toddler covered in melted chocolate when you are wearing a cream suit, and there has been the small event of Boys 1and 2's half term hols (now safely over, though Boy 1 did manage to wangle a day off "ill" last week - "ill" as in, I feel a bit tired and don't really much fancy it today). AND THEY HAVE ONLY 4 WEEKS LEFT NOW OF SCHOOL BEFORE THE LONG SUMMER HOLS NOT THAT I AM PANICKING OR ANYTHING WHERE IS MY PASSPORT STUFF IT I WILL LEAVE ALL MY CLOTHES BEHIND YES I WANT TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNTS AND TAKE THE WHOLE BALANCE IN CASH TAXIIIIIIIII! WHEN IS THE NEXT FLIGHT LEAVING? WHERE? NEVER HEARD OF IT GIVE ME A SINGLE TICKET CAN I PAY CASH? ETC ETC!..

So in this post I am just going randomly to paste pics from the last couple of weeks and make it up as I go along (so actually no change whatsoever to my usual modus operandi*)..

Above, 3D glasses -Mr B has just taken the boys off to watch Kung Fu Panda 2.  During the hols I took them to Pirates of the Caribbean 34  and would like to point out that the actual running time of that film is in fact 2 and a half days, never mind what they claim on the cinema website.  I can also confirm that the correct mathematical formula for popcorn consumption by Boy 2 is : bodyweight x 2 + total arm  reach x fist capacity - trouser coverage - time popcorn removed by Mummy who is no fun at all.  All rigorously scientifically tested. Another interesting statistic: number of times Mummy said loudly in a quiet bit "Does anyone need a wee?" = 7 ( Oh and I would just like to say well done to the man at the back who very obediently did as he was told..)

Cinema today is a good idea as it has been raining nonstop and cricket has been cancelled.  Mind you, cricket is not what is was, thanks to a teenage pyromaniac who did this to the cricket pavilion just a  couple of months ago.

Grandma Whacker came to stay to help me with the boys during half-term.  She brought these lovely roses from her garden.
 With my mother around I regressed to my teenage self, wore ripped jeans and painted my nails an alarming colour.  Grandma pronounced that "You bloggy girls have very frightening nails!"

 I tried to be a bit Faux Fuchsia so wore this purple rock arrangement (copyright FF 20110).

The colour is OPI Summer 2010 .   I am thinking that soon I will get my alter ego Sindy Lemon-Grass-Snoddy (beautician and research chemist) to do a guest post on nail polish.

I played chess with Boy 2 (aged 8).  He beat me. Easily.  I can't actually play chess and so Boy 2 has been teaching me, but he only tells me certain things, bit by bit.  The book is for me, not him. I'll show him!
 This thing below is Mr Snoodles.  Boy 2 has been going on about buying him for ages, he is a Moshi Monster character. Apparently.  I must admit to being somewhat underwhelmed when I finally came face to face with Mr Snoodles.  He is basically a yellow pig with green ears.  Boy 2 of course adores him and will do for at least the next 10 hours, before abandoning him on his bedroom floor forever. Poor Mr Snoodles.

This is, according to Mr Blighty, the most expensive property in the UK - One Hyde Park. The penthouse flat sold for about £140 million last year. Gulp!  We went past it on the way to a football birthday party in Hyde Park a few weeks ago.
They must get a nice view of the park.
 And at the bottom of the building is a handy convenience store, for those last minute essentials.

Once the boys went back to school Grandma and I hit up John Lewis, that purveyor of all household wares to middle England.  Look at the price of this baby!  Does it go buy the ingredients for you, load them in the car and unpack them when it gets home?  For this price it's the least it can do.

 I liked the colour of this Kitchen Aid.  But Grandma reminded me that I did not really cook plus there is the evidence of prior gadget abuse in the form of my breadmaker (last used in 2007), slow cooker, rice cooker...
 Loved the cheery colours of these gadgets.  I could wear matching nail polish (not now Sindy).

Grandma and I endured the Horror of Sports Day - from 9am to 5pm on a windswept sports field bordering the motorway, total time spent by Boy 1 and Boy 2 doing an event 4 mins.  I particularly enjoyed the hail stones at about 2.30pm, though the drizzle at 11am was good too.  And readers of Faux Fuchsia will know that just the other day she locked her keys in the car and had to get the emergency rescue man out.  Well, ever keen to emulate Faux I locked Grandma in the car at the start of Sports Day. For 20 minutes.  By accident. Honest.  Result: one Very Cross Grandma;  the RSPCA are never going to let me have a dog; and Grandma will never get in the car again without the keys and an emergency flare. 

Here is Boy 2 taking it all very seriously, keeping his pompoms dry. At least I think it is Boy 2 - as usual I was cheering on a boy with the same red trainers - who turned out not to be Boy 2.....And I can never remember the house names and colours - "no Mummy, green is Ringworm, Yellow is Impetigo, Red is ChickenPox, Blue is Verruca"  (Daphnes4Boy$ Sports Day, sponsored by Clapxx  Pharmaceuticals).
 Yesterday we went to a lovely party, and the boys did lots of this, having investigated the chocolate fountain and the ice cream van first.

Finally I found these in the cupboards, sweet little baby plates which a Swedish friend gave us when Boy 1 was tiny.  I am wondering whether a certain little Australian baby might like these.  I never really used them as I favoured bowls that could be stuck down by suction pads onto the high chair. 


Even so, this happened far too often...

*  I would like to dedicate these items of vocabulary to Louise InTownsville and Linda in Chile.


  1. Welcome back Blighty!
    I have missed you..but can see that you are in fine form!

  2. Hello:
    Just a quiet week then......we really have no idea why we, your loyal followers, have had to wait so long to hear from you! It seems to us that apart from a quiet game of chess, a couple of hours in the cinema, entertaining your mother [when she wasn't locked in a motor car] and painting your nails, very little else has happened.

    Meanwhile, we expect Mr Blighty spent his week, when he wasn't at the office, cooking, washing, bedmaking, ironing, dusting, hoovering, washing the car, decorating, gardening, playing with the boys and generally running himself into the ground.

    But who said life is fair?!!!

  3. Always a pleasure, B., my dear. Always a pleasure.

  4. Blighty!

    Imagine buying that penthouse for your visiting blog buddies to use! Aren't you the cunning one. Thank you dahling.

  5. Oh, I almost forgot. Hubby found a snak in the woodpile the other day. Send me your address ASAP and I will pop it in the mail for your boys.

  6. Such a great and fun post, loved reading every single word. Mr Snoodles had me laughin out loud, thank you, dahling!

  7. My friend just got that Kenwood - her husband bought it for her to prevent her purchasing a Thermomix (they are double the price apparently). There's something in it for you - perhaps if you find a watch more expensive than a Rolex, Mr B might think he's getting a bargain....meanwhile, i'm glad you escaped after taking that picture of the Rolex store - the security guard is staring out at you rather menacingly.

  8. Our hols are 3 weeks away and you have put the fear of god in me! Ahhhhh make that ticket a double please.

  9. Oh dahling you have made my day, thanks for the laugh!
    School holidays were invented to test the fortitude of mothers and grandparents all around the world but it appears you have done a sterling job of keeping your little treasures amused.
    Poor Grandma I do hope you actioned a lot of sucking up after the car incident?
    I did reread the price of that Hyde Park abode! Maybe if we all chip in we could make a down payment on a door handle.
    And as far as chess is concerned my dear I too had a chess whiz in the house who tried to teach his poor mother. Suffice to say I never 'got it' and am still clueless.

  10. Dear Mrs Blighty, Such a full, subversive, completely funny post! You have captured the horror of a wet Sports Day perfectly. While I hope that the Big G has forgiven you (it could happen to anyone),I have to wonder whether your version of the NRMA has a service standard for the rescue of grandparents locked in vehicles. This is where a mobile can have its advantages. Now, how is Mr B progressing regarding the purchase of your Rolex? Was his pointing out of the building a subtle hint to this end? If not, get on that plane ASAP and come to Chile for a relaxing sojourn. A few days without the benefit of your presence may rekindle a good deal of appreciation. love Linda xxx

  11. Welcome back, Blighty!

    I think you're the person I need to go homewares shopping with in future.

    Will even fly out to meet you.

    SSG xxx

    Sydney Shop Girl blog

  12. Ah, Blighty! I have been led to your blog through a cherished friend. I have had one of the most miserable days EVER today and I can't tell you how much this cheered me up! QUITE A LOT!!!!! So much so that I have abused punctuation. Thank you.

  13. Let's all chip in and buy the Hyde Park manse.

    Love the purple rock.

    It's Rocktastic.

    And that polish is tres execellent too.

    Gee that Kate Middletons looking nice these days. x

  14. Welcome back Blighty! I've missed you!

    I have all this to look forward to. I wonder if it's too late to give the baby back? Or at least send it to you at half term as you seem all across holiday activities!

    Love that Coral Kitchenaid. Very swish! I think you should get it despite Grandma Whacker. Tell her it matches her roses. You'll be bashing off cakes like Nigella in no time.

    K xx

  15. You shoulda bought the kitchenaid mixer and then I wouldn't feel so guilty and ALONE at the top of the How To Waste Money Tree. So far my breakback cost per cake is about £40 a cupcake. Which is a bit shit. Even Jane Asher doesn't charge that.

    Glad to have you back. I bet you little Fuchsia would LUFF those plates!

    Ali x

  16. Hello Blighty,
    and thank you kindly for those wonderful words.
    Be assured, I am sure going to put them to good use, soon, one day, in the very near future, when I have a chance, ..................

    Did you know that one of the owners of One Hyde Park (the guys who built it) is going out with an Australian Soapy actress - Holly Valance?
    What does that tell you about the building?

    I must say, I really like the way you've matched your nail polish to the background for the photograph of said nail polish.
    I also really like the house names and colours for Daphne$for Boyz. Makes a pharmacist's wife feel right at home.

    The latest from the pharmacy, is young mums coming in and asking for a lotion for Cradle Crap.
    Hmmmm Dettol perhaps?

    lots of love
    Wordpress is not letting me comment so Im using my alter ego.

  17. I think you had better start saying your prayers that Boy 1 & 2 did not inherit their navigational skills or rather the lack of from Grandma Whacker seeing as she couldn't find her way out of locked car.....

  18. Dear Blighty, FF has mentioned you in her posts so many times I decided to just have a quick flick through your blog and see what the fuss is about. An hour later and I'm still going through all the older posts. Hooray for entertaining people who choose to share their thoughts with the world, I say! PS have you ever read the Inspector Frost books, rather than watching the show? Quite good for a murderous read...

  19. I'm a tad behind in the reading section, so this comment may never surface, but I too, am glad to find a Blighty post. I think I'd want a better view from a flat if I'd just forked out 140 million though, lets say, Hugh Heffner's back yard.

  20. Hello Jude, welcome and thanks for dropping by, glad you like!
    Everyone - thank you so much for your lovely, funny comments, as usual I am all behind with posting and

  21. Love the fancy pants vocab and the nail polish - I saw that Hyde park flat ( flat's such a put down for it!) hubs was really excited and I just thought yeah....I'd rather have a wee house.

  22. Blighty
    I'll mail it on to you, if fancy a reminisce!


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