Hounded by the paparazziThe boys are on holiday from school again. But this time we are staying put. We are still traumatised by our Easter holiday experience when we had decided to be adventurous and fly to Venice. But, as I merrily told everyone, just for 3 nights, as we couldn't afford any longer. Little did I know that a certain volcano was getting a bit restive over in Iceland.
The result was 3 extra nights in Venice, an overnight train journey from Venice to Paris, a day in Paris feeling slightly missplaced, and an evening Eurostar back to London.
It was all very unsettling, what with me and Mr B not knowing when we would next get a soothing cup of tea. But to be honest, I was thrilled, it is the most exciting thing to happen to me since Boy 2 won the egg and spoon race in 2007. (The travel situation seemed so dire, I suggested it would be best just to apply for Italian citizenship and get the boys into school in Venice. But Mr B exercised his special Euro veto, much like Mrs Thatcher in her prime). Boys 1 and 2 took it all in their stride as they quickly worked out they could increase their total gelati consumption by 100%. Only Mr B was perturbed as he was not sure the EU Regulations on compensation for air travellers were drafted with this situation in mind (my husband, the mad, impetuous fool).
So, I thought I would share what we learnt from our unplanned adventure, just in case it can be of help to anyone else ( I was told Brangelina were in Venice at the same time, so I am sure they could benefit from my handy tips).
*KEY LEARNINGS FROM OUR TRIP*
• JEEEEEEZ, Venice is expensive
• If you take small boys to the Lido and tell them not to get their trousers wet, you are deluded
• Hand dryers in Lido cafe loos are not designed to dry small boy trousers, plus you get pitying looks from people who think you are incontinent
• When the man in the Murano glass shop gives you a special tour upstairs of the really high end glass artefacts, don’t go with small boys (who, as we all know, never look where they are going and often walk backwards) and expect to breathe until you get safely downstairs again; even the man seemed to realise the enormity of the risk once upstairs and clearly regretted his offer: Why in God's name would you put glass things on free-standing glass plinths in the middle of a cluttered showroom?? And then take 2 small boy/whirling dervishes there???)
The only thing I want to see on a plinth. Well helloooo!
Sorry, got a bit distracted there, back to key learnings:
• Jeeeeeez, Venice is expensive
• Small boys will watch any cartoons/sport/ads for washing powder on hotel room TV, even if in Italian or German
• It really adds to the ambience if you customise your hotel room with 7 pairs of underpants festooning the radiators
I kept up with the washing while we were away
• It is great fun for small boys to go on the top bunk of the Venice-Paris overnight sleeper but their parents will spend all night awake, fearing small boy disastrous unplanned descent to ground level
• Jeeeeeeeez, Paris is expensive
• Small boys will shoot up the stairs to the top of the Eiffel Tower like rabid mountain goats but once at the top will not be interested in the view; their mother (who once watched a documentary on climbing Mount Everest will collapse after only a couple of flights, gasping "It's no good, you try to summit, leave me, we're in the Death Zone, you'll never get down if you stop to help me..." to which Mr B will cheerfully reply "OK"
• Taking small boys into Notre Dame and suggesting they compare and contrast it with the interior of Venetian churches is the dumbest, most over-optimistic idea ever
• When asked by teachers what they did in the Easter hols, small boys will grunt and say nothing except bowling in High Wycombe
A lot nicer than Tescos
Small boys attempting to escape from yet another art gallery
• Small boys will watch any cartoons/sport/ads for washing powder on hotel room TV, even if in Italian or German
• It really adds to the ambience if you customise your hotel room with 7 pairs of underpants festooning the radiators
I kept up with the washing while we were away
• It is great fun for small boys to go on the top bunk of the Venice-Paris overnight sleeper but their parents will spend all night awake, fearing small boy disastrous unplanned descent to ground level
• Jeeeeeeeez, Paris is expensive
• Small boys will shoot up the stairs to the top of the Eiffel Tower like rabid mountain goats but once at the top will not be interested in the view; their mother (who once watched a documentary on climbing Mount Everest will collapse after only a couple of flights, gasping "It's no good, you try to summit, leave me, we're in the Death Zone, you'll never get down if you stop to help me..." to which Mr B will cheerfully reply "OK"
• Taking small boys into Notre Dame and suggesting they compare and contrast it with the interior of Venetian churches is the dumbest, most over-optimistic idea ever
• When asked by teachers what they did in the Easter hols, small boys will grunt and say nothing except bowling in High Wycombe
A lot nicer than TescosSmall boys attempting to escape from yet another art gallery
Blighty I am so glad you have a blog! I love reading your comments over at FF. I laughed out loud at the idea of trying to dry small boy trousers under the hand dryers.
ReplyDeleteYour holiday sounds super fancy and glamorous. I can't for the life of me imagine why you are not lining up to do it all again.
So it's not just my boys, it's all boys! Such a comfort.. the grunts, the TV, the wet trousers..the glass shop... their own little world. Great post Blighty... you are NOT alone! parallel universe down here. A-M xx
ReplyDeleteHi! Have seen you often over at Faux Fuchsia and just wanted to check out your blog - fun! We also got stuck in Italy over the holidays, but we managed to get away with one extra night in a Rome hotel. We got train tickets to Budapest, where we live, and were back home after 20 hours. But Jeeeez, Rome is expensive too!
ReplyDeleteTell Mr Blighty to pull his dress up!!!! JEEEZ...
ReplyDeleteLadies, thanks for your nice comments, much appreciated!
ReplyDeleteGood Intentions, love the name, does it come from "the Road to Hell is paved with good intentions"??
A-M, how old are your boys? How did you manage to do your lovely house with 2 rumtumtiggers? (My name for lively small boys)
Patricia, hooray, you got home too! wasn't it a relief?! I saw one woman actually kissing the platform at St Pancras, so glad was she to be back on English soil!
Kylie, sadly that is not Mr B but some Italian bloke that was hanging around the museum, a bit of a poser, so not really not type
Blighty, my lads are 12 and almost 8. Building my house with them smearing their hands over every surface... I do not know how I did it. Behind the scenes, 12 year old cloth nappies draped over kitchen bench seats, changed when bolognaise handprints too offensive. Cream leather lounge responds well to baby wipes. The toughest Australian hardwood on the floors... nuclear proof. Foam pads on the base of chairs and Chux magic erasers. Screaming banshee directives also sink in after a while, especially if privileges withdrawn. A-M xx
ReplyDeleteA-M, I think I know about screaming banshee directives!!
ReplyDeleteOh my god, you made me really laugh out loud, so I followed. But no pressure. Really.
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