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Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Parental Concerns

Dahlings, I must admit to being a tad concerned about old Boy 2.

A few little things, nothing major...

At supper the other night,  out of the blue Boy 2 asks "What does "shat" mean?"
I started well (once I had finished choking and had a soothing drink of Bucks finest tap water).
I told him it was a very bad word and he was not to use it.
But then my big mouth kicked in and I got all explain-y:
" "Shat" is actually the past participle of "shit" " says I.

Boy 2 considers this for a second and then says:
" So it's one that doesn't end in "ed";  in our English lessons Mrs Collyfleur is always asking us for examples of ones that don't end in "ed" ".

How long before I get a phone call from the school?

A few days later Boy 2 is sitting at breakfast.

He peers at this fruit loaf and I can see his lips move as he works out the lettering.

"IRISH BUMCRACK*!" pronounces Boy 2.

Excellent. Now he's going be writing in those "describe your Mummy" pieces at school that " My Mum likes bumcrack."  I suppose it makes a change from " My Mummy likes shopping and wine. My Daddy works hard."

Finally Boy 2 and I have been much preoccupied over the Easter hols by his history homework, which was to write a diary of a Roman.   Which as every mother kno', means I have been slaving away over a hot computer while Boy 2 skulks off and plays on his iPad in another room.

Unfortunately the homework coincided with my reading this rather racy poem/novel.

I heard it being discussed on old Radio 4 and thought I'd give it a go.  It's very good, very clever, about an African girl in Roman London being married off to a rich Roman.  Not suitable for a 9 year's Roman project though.

I managed to keep all orgies, whippings and vomiting at banquets out of Boy 2's Roman diary.  But even then, the diary developed a life of its own. The writer, a rich merchant living in Rome, goes for a spin in his friend Marcus's new chariot.  Then they go to the baths together where they engage in some weight-lifting and wrestling, before rubbing oil into their bodies...noooooo! The whole thing was looking slightly homo-erotic.  I tried to redress the balance by suddenly giving the writer a wife, who just turned up from the country - but that made it even worse.  Why was she at the villa while he was in Rome?  Why had he not mentioned her before?  Does she know about Marcus?

Actually, having just read all this, I think the person I should be worried about is me.

Grape anyone?


  1. Hilarious as ever!

    Well Mrs B, wait until Boys 1 and 2 are reading Ovid's Ars Amatoria for their Latin homework!

    1. Hi Sally, nice to hear from you, do hope you are well, weirdly Boy 1 likes Latin, annoying as they no longer teach it at the school he is going to in Sept..French of course he hates..

  2. Dying with laughter Mrs B!! I like the way you've illustrated Grammar in a manner that is relevant to your children. They'll never forget that English lesson....

    I always have to steel myself for the mother's day offering from the kindergarten or school. A past kindergarten era mother's day painting had in quotes under it "I like cooking with mummy, but we don't do it very often". I suppose it was better than one of the other mother's, who had "I love mummy because she drives a BMW". Another one's painting was entitled "Mummy with a gun".

    1. Heidi, love the BMW comment and the Mummy with a funny

  3. Blighty - I had a moment with Sonshine the other night whilst we endured the domestic bliss of Washing and Drying the Dishes. Radio 2 was on and the chap being interviewed mentioned that his next documentary was on the Pornography Industry.

    Cue sweat-beaded conversation with 11 year-old boy that still sleeps with a giant toy bunny.

    I was once described in a letter to a distant pen friend (by sonshine) as 'mum does the cleaning.' I was furious. I DON'T do the cleaning. We live in a morass of untidied up lego and magazines.

    Ali x

    1. Yikes, how do exlain what porno is to a child? Boy 1 still enjoys cuddling up with his ragged collection of sheepskins (the ones you put into babies' cots) - they are known collectively as Bertie - so if you meet an 11yr old who looks a bit dreamy and tells you he has just been tiddling his Bertie...that's what he means, honest..

  4. Will you peel it for me first?

  5. I find this post highly amusing. Little boys can be so funny.
    As your new follower, I am really impressed with your blog and look forward to your visit and comment


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  7. Thank you Blighty for the detailed article about Shopping the post season: The Deals. I've been shopping Bryant park for 10 years now and I could not have written it better myself, matter of fact it has turned me into a huge shea butter fan.

    I actually have written a couple articles about shea butter on my skincare reviews blog, let me know if you would like me to send you some links.

    Have a great day!


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